Predatory driving instructor. Daughter wants refund. Help!

[friendlyflicka]

If anyone has experience of how to proceed with this I would be so grateful.

My just 17 year old daughter booked to go on an intensive driving course and paid more £1000 up front. As far as i knew we were booking through a driving school which seemed businesslike etc.

My daughter came back after the first day, visibly shaken. At 11 pm that night she asked if I or her boyfriend could go with her the next day. At 8 am - she was due to be picked up at 9 - she told me she couldn’t face going with him in the car. That he had been very ‘touchy’ and then she told me a string of very inappropriate comments he had made all sexual throughout the day.

I have no doubt that she is telling the truth. That is not my issue at all. And the emotional issue and toll on my daughter - can handle this as well: we are.

I contacted driving school and said that she would not be proceeding and then sent email detailing the instructor’s behaviour. The reply was that it was my daughter’s word against his and that he would speak to the driver the next day.

I rang the police for some advice because I didn’t know whether this was a civil matter. They were keen to press further, They said as a safeguarding issue they needed to speak to the driving school

The driving school absolutely absolved themselves of all responsibility for either the safeguarding or financial issues: the instructor was self employed: he had my daughter’s money.

I have made a complaint to DVSA about all issues. My daughter is upset but wants her money back. And just wants to start again: found a nice local instructor.

How do I go about things? I am dealing with the safeguarding through DVSA hopefully. But how do I recover her money. She was booked for 4 days: day 1, he allegedly assaulted her. Day 2, she cancelled after the 24 hour policy. Last 2 days she should be refunded whatever the results of any safeguarding enquiry.

Please tell me how to proceed. Purely in a financial sense to recover her money.

Wonder why he had no camera
Glad you’re pursuing this.
Request more money, they’ve fobbed you off long enough.

Just wanted to wish you and your daughter good luck with this.

Pursuing this is a good example to your daughter - she should have confidence in her own boundaries and no ever allow people to treat her badly. So much abuse of women and girls is just brushed off as ‘that’s life, deal with it’.

@RainbowDash101

That’s terrible. I had similar pervy driving instructor when I was 17 😡 and really don’t want the same thing to be happening when my dd is learning to drive.

Me too...25 odd years ago now...chap was self employed but under the AA franchise I think. He was soooo pervy and made me very uncomfortable. I never complained ...more fool me. I think the new generation of women are more aware of it being unacceptable wheras my generation tolerated this kind of rubbish more. Hope you get the money back...good luck.

Speak to a solicitor tomorrow and get them to send a letter. If you booked it through the driving centre then your contract is with them and they are liable. I can't see on the face of it why they might have been involved if you were actually booking with the instructor.

OP

I don't want to involve a solicitor, because any money refunded will be engulfed by their fee.

No it won't if you just get them to send a letter. They'll need to be paid for the letter, but it would be a relatively small amount of money well spent if it shocks the driving school into realising you're not going away.

Matter for you, though, of course.

Wow, what a nightmare you two have been through. I have no advice but I really hope you win your case. Good luck! You deserve it.

Am sure there was an item on the Jeremy vine show on this an mp was trying to pass a law against this as his constituents daughter had this and woman after woman rang in🙁. Don’t know what end result was

Good update

This happened with an instructor I had 20 odd years ago. Sleaze ball did it to my friends too. I changed over to someone else. Horrible little man he was.

I didn't see your original post @friendlyflicka but I just wanted to say well done for keeping going with this & I hope you get the results you deserve. Many years ago (I'm in my 50's) my older sister & others went through this with a driving instructor & were too scared to tell anyone. My sister told me & I refused to go to him for lessons. Worse still he was a neighbour

Best of luck for the hearing and we’ll done for pursuing this

This happened to me too! I had a driving instructor who told me about how he saw sex as a ‘mutual
Journey for two’, was cheating on his girlfriend with a woman of my age (he was older) and said ‘I imagine you’d be liked by a lot of married men, with your figure and smile....’.

I finally for the balls to cancel my lessons when he was looking at pictures of topless women as I was driving! The woman was his ex apparently. With hindsight, I should have reported him.

Sadly I think it’s fairly common. A friend has a
Male driving instructor who told sex jokes, when she challenged him he said ‘that’s a sign you’re ready to take your test if I can tell these jokes!’

Yeah my girls will be getting a female instructor 🙄. Friend of a friend looked over to see her driving instructor actually wanking!

I had a female instructor who was very good but my friend and I called her “the Potato” between the two of us because she did look like a potato- still feel bad about that!

I will let you know how it goes on friday and the week after.

For those suggesting: it is already marked as a 'safeguarding concern' for children's services at the council and the initial time of reporting to the police.

Doesn't now need to be a balance of probabilities decision by the court because DVSA investigated and decided in her favour.

I have done the stern letter thing threatening legal action and it did nothing: hence we have gone through this very lengthy and painful process with the court.

My cousin in the early 90s was a driving instructor in London. After this had happened when I spoke to him he told me that it was common practice for the instructors to angle their passenger mirrors so they could get the best view of the female learners crotch or breasts. Nice eh?

I will let you know what happens.the school is in the south West of England, for anyone worrying about their own children.

Wow, I wish you all the luck in the world. Driving instructors have learners in a vulnerable position and I think it's high time there were cameras in cars, to protect the learners and the instructors themselves.

I recall when I started learning my dad paid hundreds of pounds in advance to BSM for 20 lessons (shit tonne of money back then). The driving instructor was creepy and made me uncomfortable. He even told me I needed to let him know when I was on my period. (Not a fucking chance mate, fuck your imaginary sky fairy!)

I had 12 lessons with him and all I was doing was reversing around corners on an empty industrial estate. I had never made it on to a road and was getting a little suspicious as I surely wasn't that bad. I could have done the manoeuvres with my eyes closed.

He kept telling me about his new private driving school and encouraging me to sign up with him. I politely told him I couldn't as all my lessons were paid up front.

I got a new driving instructor one day as mine was off (he tried to reschedule but BSM allowed me to keep my time and sent another instructor). They were really shocked I wasn't driving on roads as I was perfectly capable and they were non too happy about what I told them about my creepy instructor. They told me they would talk to the office about the holding me back to poach me to their new business and to get more lessons out of me and the inappropriate comments about women, girls and periods.

When my children start their lessons they will be going with their phones recording at the very least. This stuff happens a lot. I read a few horror stories about it on MN alone!

Thanks for updating op! I think you have been very strong for your daughter.

@NameChangeWino

Sadly I think it’s fairly common. A friend has a Male driving instructor who told sex jokes, when she challenged him he said ‘that’s a sign you’re ready to take your test if I can tell these jokes!’

Can't believe it still goes on.

I've been driving nearly 50 years (!) and I remember my really creepy instructor taking me to a really grotty derelict area to 'practice my 3 point turns'...

And his hand landed on my knee a few too many times too

Changed instructors and no problems, thankfully.

Hope it goes well for you. My daughter has had three instructors so far - one who was just taking the piss about how long it was taking for her to be ready for her test. He was ditched, and then the second one only lasted a week after he kept banging on about Brexit and making racist and sexist comments about other drivers. My daughter told him that she didn't appreciate being taught by a bigot! She has now had a lovely lady instructor who said straight away that she was just about ready for her test, and it's now booked, but probably not going to happen yet!
A former colleague took early retirement and I bumped into him in town and he said he'd trained as an instructor. My daughter was about 15 at the time, and he gave me a card for future reference. I promptly binned it as this guy was a creep who gave me very bad vibes, no way would I have subjected my daughter to time alone in a car with him!

From the experiences revealed in this thread, it is obviously still extremely common. Really horrible. I will get through the next 10 days, let you know how I get on and then I will try to get some kind of campaign or join something that is ongoing. If this was teachers in school they would suspended while investigations were ongoing, and yet driving instructors seem to get the mildest treatment and just continue.

I think you would get a lot of support op well done.

Friend of a friends driving instructor started w (sorry) during their lesson when she went 😮 he started crying and asked her not to report him! This was years ago but still

Glad you are pursuing this and looking after your daughter.

I remember getting ripped off in various ways a lot as a young woman. And older woman lawyer I knew at the time (my boyfriend's uncle's girlfriend, loved her, she was so wise, better than the boyfriend and I wish I could track her down, but I digress) told me something very useful.

• Always threaten to go to the papers. Tell them you feel it's a public duty to warn people of this behaviour as you would hate anyone else to go through the same thing. If you're young and photogenic it will appeal.

Obviously doesn't apply to this case but as a general rule it's worth mentioning/using. And of course google reviews are also worth dangling (get the money and then write the review anyway.)

And yes I remember driving instructors being disgusting. It's one of those jobs that should require a working with children clearance but doesn't. Mine was a failed school teacher and he was a pig.

Surely a business here for female driving instructors?

I would have gone to papers or media. They don’t like bad publicity and will trip over themselves to placate you.

If you do a campaign let us know here so we can join if we want to.

I had a driving instructor at 17 that was an old perv bag. He was about 65. Used to tell me to turn down a dead end and take all my clothes off, rolled his trousers up and wafted his knobbly knees near the gear stick and tried to make me touch his leg, said the most cringiest things laced with innuendo.

I fucking hated him, and one day after a vom inducing comment, I did an emergency brake (was trying to give the old fucker whiplash) and told him to fuck right off.

Found a new perfectly acceptable instructor.

It makes me absolutely sick how this is still happening, cameras should be mandatory.

Keep us posted OP, your success will be a victory not just for your DD, but for all of us who have had the pleasure of sweaty old perverts for instructors.