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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread the school run?

76 replies

suchclearwater · 26/05/2020 23:31

I hate it. But everyone else is gathering at the school gates chatting away with big smiles on their faces. What is wrong with me? Why do I have to hide in the car? I wish I wasn't so shy. I doubt that many of the mums even know my name.

OP posts:

StrikeItLuckyShuffle · 27/05/2020 00:21

Honestly it’s better to sit in the car or keep your self to yourself on the school run
Less drama ,Ghosting and clique groups to worry about and quicker to get the kids and go home without the gossip or awkwardness if your shy ( I’m socially awkward )
You are not missing anything believe me ! :)
I’ve learned that now & it’s so much better you are not alone but really don’t worry about it ! Xx

StrikeItLuckyShuffle · 27/05/2020 00:30

After 6 years of school runs
being in a group of 7 mums which whittled down to two (me and another ) because of drama and falling outs & then being ghosted by the last person for no reason but still have to see in close proximity on a daily basis on the school runs (now that’s awkward)
It’s not worth the worry 😁

rosegoldfever · 27/05/2020 00:33

I agree with strickit but my 2 of my friends whole friendship group and social life's are the school run mums, even going on holidays and hen dos even abroad hen dos. These friends go to different schools to my children. But it wasn't like that for me. I went wrong somewhere lol

ineedaholidaynow · 27/05/2020 00:38

School runs aren’t going to be like that for a while

funinthesun19 · 27/05/2020 00:51

The whole being best friends one minute and falling out and ghosting sounds so exhausting. Some school mums seem to enjoy it.

I’m friendly with people but I don’t want to be in a school mum clique.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 27/05/2020 00:54

No one's socialising atm...

FortunesFave · 27/05/2020 01:13

How old are your DC?

Original poster

suchclearwater · 27/05/2020 06:35

Thanks for the replies. To answer the question, they are 7 and 10.

OP posts:

IndecentFeminist · 27/05/2020 06:53

'School run mums' (and dads?) are just women who happened to have children at a similar time to you and live nearby. There is nothing inherently different about them. If you're an anxious character anyway then that's one thing, but there is nothing specific about the school run per se to be worried about. I think a lot of these fears are associated with school itself, and feelings we had about it when we were kids.

Spinakker · 27/05/2020 06:56

You won't need to worry about that now with all the social distancing.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 27/05/2020 07:04

My top tip... Accidentally convince everyone you don't speak English. Just before lockdown I discovered most of my DDs class mums were under the impression I was German and didn't understand English. (They had been told, truthfully by their children we had moved from Germany, just missed out the bit that we were British)

Hanamuslim · 27/05/2020 07:12

I stand by myself majority of the time. I am a white Muslim and so I stand out anyway. Since I reverted to Islam, half the mums at the school don't talk to me anymore or I get ridiculous comments like what the eff is that on her head. Like as if I am wearing a traffic cone on my head instead of headscarf. I also lost a lot of friends, when I came to islam...but I say they were not true friends in the first place....

Now the only two women who stand next to me are two Asian women. They greet me and we chat in English. Then they turn to one another and chat in Urdu. And then I just turn away. It does annoy me as we were mid conversation and then when the other turns up they start talking in their language. I asked my husband about this. My husband is west African and doesn't speak in his language on the phone or in his language with his family. They all speak English perfectly and so he said yes it is rude. But I have sort of accepted it now. I find all the mums in little cliques, and to be honest I keep myself to myself anyways. I am there to collect my children.it is nice to have a natter however but some of then are quite rude and judgey

Hanamuslim · 27/05/2020 07:12

Around the world. Hahaha. You're very funny

sauvignonblancplz · 27/05/2020 07:16

We don’t really have the school gate mum this here. Just stand confidently , say hello if you catch someone’s eye, gather up your kids , job done.

Or can your kids not come to the car to you? They are old enough .

Lynda07 · 27/05/2020 07:45

I didn't like the 'pavement powows' outside the school either, a lot of people don't. I cannot stand inane chatter, gossip and forced laughter. I'm so glad all that is well behind me. I used to turn up just in time to pick up and go!

CoronaMoaner · 27/05/2020 07:47

I hate it too. I wish I could hide in the car.
I had a really bad experience with one of the school mums last year and now I’m head down, drop off, leg it home.

Rosebel · 27/05/2020 07:51

With my older two I wished I could be in the group of mums but I'm very shy. I'm pregnant again and couldn't care less about the school mums. Just because you have children of the same age doesn't mean you'll be friends. As long as your children have friends don't worry. As soon as my children were old enough I used to wait in the car.

Pluckedpencil · 27/05/2020 07:51

I'm sorry for you Hanamuslim. That's not nice at all. I agree that if their English is good, then it's just plain rude. The other women may want to talk to you but be aware that being white and in headdress means people will assume you are a practicing Muslim and that can make things complicated. For instance I have always said hi to a Muslim woman in my child's class, but no way would she make small talk with me, she only replies to my questions. Given the Islamic rules around talking to men, if DH is around she doesn't acknowledge knowing either of us. Do you want to talk to other non Muslims? Another Muslim mum I know is super chatty and friendly, so I find it all very confusing honestly.

Roryrunner · 27/05/2020 07:59

To those who keep away from the 'pavement powows', how do you arrange playdates and do you miss the support network getting on with fellow mums gives you?

sauvignonblancplz · 27/05/2020 08:03

@Roryrunner What do you mean?

I get support from my husband and real life friends, but mostly I figure stuff out myself because that’s the way I am.

As for play dates , I can’t actually remember how they were organised as for the best part of my kids school life I was at work so I don’t know how other mums managed to sort that. Maybe through the childminder ?

sauvignonblancplz · 27/05/2020 08:03

Do you get a good support network from the school gate mums?

LavenderLilacTree · 27/05/2020 08:11

OP are you talking about now or before lockdown?
There have only been a few kids in school for the last 3 months and so a school run is very different.
When schools reopen everyone has to stagger arrival tines, socially distance and not hang around talking.

Stinkycatbreath · 27/05/2020 08:15

If there are some parents dropping their child off that are nice then I will make friends but because they are nice not because our childrhappen to attend the same school. I have found as ive reached my late thirties I care not a jot about people who want to get into cliques and nasty childish behaviour.
I can't stand drama and whinging! I have a lovely teflon like veneer and am very independent. I couldn't cope with hen do's and going away with people. I have met all my friends at festivals so we have this in common. Hold your head up high OP don't hide in your car.

Drivingdownthe101 · 27/05/2020 08:16

I’ve only been doing 2 years of school runs but this thing about ‘school run cliques’ I often see on here isn’t something I recognise. People tend to stand with the people they know but that’s normal isn’t it? Talking to the people you know/are friends with?
School runs won’t be normal for a while anyway. No chatting in the playground.
Oh and in my experience play dates are arranged via messages. Eg mine will ask if x or y comes to play, and I’ll send them a message on Facebook or WhatsApp if I have their number. And vice versa .

Aesopfable · 27/05/2020 08:17

School runs aren’t going to be like that for a while

They will be in a lot of places. People won’t socially distance. And if there households are already mixing due to children spending hours together in a classroom then I am not sure if there much any added benefit to it anyway.

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