To dread the school run?

[suchclearwater]

I hate it. But everyone else is gathering at the school gates chatting away with big smiles on their faces. What is wrong with me? Why do I have to hide in the car? I wish I wasn't so shy. I doubt that many of the mums even know my name.

Surely nobody can gather at the school gates now. We have 2m stickers and parents are asked to drop off and leave immediately.

I doubt that many of the mums even know my name.

Given that you hide in the car, how would you expect them to?

I have had three kids going through primary and have done a lot of pick ups and drop offs. I have come to the conclusion that this is all a big fuss over nothing. 99% of people are not interested in anything else than picking up their kids. If there's someone to make small talk with about the weather, fine. If there's not, fine. Nobody cares who you're standing with, what you're wearing, what car you drive. They are all too wrapped up in their own thoughts to give a shit.

All this "all the mean girls on the school run are LOOKING AT ME" just isn't true. To be blunt, you're not that important.

I thought I was friendly with a group of school mums, particularly one as we both had 2 children the same age. The older 2 left for senior school and her child won the school award for Top Achiever, it was the "top" award if you like, given every year and could be for academic/sporting/community effort or whatever. The bitchiness started and one day she was crying at the school gate. I was really supportive and she appreciated it, was very grateful etc.

Three years pass and our younger children are leaving school, my child got the award, he was a bit of an all rounder not the star in anything but passed 11plus, was musical, captain of the football team so he got it for his range of achievements. Next day I walking up to schoolgate, start smiling as I am approaching her, she doesn't see me and I hear her being horrible about my son, he doesn't deserve it, never liked him etc etc. I stood transfixed and she must have felt my eyes on her and she turned and looked at me. She tried to speak and I walked away.

With my younger 2 I would say hello and smile, congratulate someone on a new baby or new house or whatever but that was it.

Sorry that was a saga, ridiculous that it stills annoys me 30 years later, not that I think of it very often but on occasions like this it comes to mind and I seethe all over again.

Honestly make your friends elsewhere, school mums as acquaintances is the best in my experience.

after a total of 18 years of school runs, I prefected the art of dashing in a minute before with the kids and getting there a minute before they were due out. Sometimes a "hello" to people, sometimes (oh the joy of it raining and a big hood up!) managed to bypass most.
Very few enjoy it, it is a chore to be endured but usually there are a couple of friendly faces if i got my timings wrong and had to speak

It's quite pleasant at my daughters school. But I've stood in my nephew's playground feeling really uncomfortable. I can't really write this without sounding like a judgemental cow. But my nephew's school is on a rough estate. It really is rough. Always crime up there. Drugs are rife. Many of the families from the estate attend the school. Some are families you wouldn't mess with. Others are normal. They smoke alot near the gates and turn up in PJ's etc. We live on a quieter but not posh estate. We choose a school on a slightly higher value estate. Theres no council houses up there. No I wouldn't want to live there. It's too peaceful. I'm happy on an ex council estate. But the schools great so it made sense. The parents are just normal people. A mixture of workers and sahm. Everyone seems to smile and say hello. I'm not sure if this is because people come here for surrounding villages and different parts of the town? Its not massively cliquey at all. Everyone had warned me about the playground and I was ready. But it's honestly been fine. I've swapped numbers/added onto FB people. I make small talk with different people all the time. When I go to my DD section of the playground people turn there heads and say hello are you alright.

I honestly think a smile and you saying morning first is the way to go. I get that not everyone feels easy doing it. But when you see a mum walking towards you alone just smile. If they smile back say morning. If they don't speak then think rude and move on.

On the other hand I don't go to school to be buddies. I have a close friend I was with but I'm there for my child anyway. So I'd not get involved in bitching.

I guess all playgrounds vary.
Also if you are happy as you are then carry on. Don't worry about being mum buddies. X

I never get these threads. Go to school. Stand In the play ground. Talk to a friend. Talk to someone I barley know. Talk to no one. Say bye to kids. Rinse and repeat 10 times a week.

Where are all the bitches and cliques? It's just random people all stood in a play ground. Some people know each other some people don't. Some people try hard to make conversations, some people don't. Some people smile when they see you. Some people always have their head down.

@Hanamuslim

Omg that's rude. I am not a Muslim but I have befriended a school mum who is. She is white and married a muslim. I can't even imagine us ignoring her. She's so nice. She's 24 and i am early 30s so she makes me feel old number wise . But she's so mature so she actually feels my age. I clicked with her straight away. She is baby mad like me. We watch the same midwife programs. We moan about men. She's just a normal person.

I get it. I dread the school run. I have two - year 4 and reception. Never felt that way with eldests year group. They are a wonderful group of kids and the parents are so lovely. My son has additional needs too but they are all so lovely and welcoming. It really shows with the children as well as they are all so lovely with DS.
I do still keep myself to myself though other than a bit of chit chat. I don’t see much of them now as my son walks down to my daughters classroom to leave school and the reception parents are the opposite.

Dd started and jeez it made me hate the school run so much. The parents are bitchy and cliquey and I’m a complete outsider stood at the back whilst the others huddle together (small school not many parents) Both of mine have additional needs and some of the parents are awful judgemental. DS usually comes out shouting his head off (In a friendly way towards me - hi mum, hi mum over excitedly and loudly) and I get some awful looks! He’s not hurting anyone. You can sense some of the parents muttering to each other!

I just get to the school right on the bell now and don’t hang around!

I don't recognise this whole 'clique' of school mums that people talk about.

Three kids two primary schools and I've only encountered it once - and it was horrible. They'd carry it over to local park as well - so if you were there at same time they'd stop kids playing together - and they'd be comments that you could just hear.

The whole are was a bit local area for local people vibe - as very few people left or if they did they came back - and most people like us who ended up there often moved on so TBH it could have been much more prevalent than it was.

Similar kind of area with second primary but with a much friendlier general vibe - people might not stand with you but they'd tell you stuff and answer questions and make nasty comments and if you went to stand with them wouldn't move away.

Mum said DN junior school had it - but not the infant school which did have a slightly different intake - she used to hate waiting there and waited in car when possible.

and not make nasty comments f you went to stand with them wouldn't move away

@Poppypopsx love a good old midwife programme and being baby mad. I am expecting number 5 hahaha

It doesn't happen everywhere but can be horrible. On the very few occasions I picked up my kids myself I ignored or gave a cheery wave and sped off. Social distancing will help though.

Social distancing will help though

If by ‘help’ you mean ‘stop people chatting to their friends’ then yeah it probably will.
Some days the school run was the only social interaction I had. Won’t help me much!

@Hanamuslim you can join our club lol! I honestly can't believe people are so rude.

Most mums I was friendly with also worked full time so we just dropped and ran and then used wraparound so were picking up at different times. The SAHM were closer as they had more time to chat!

No one will be allowed to stand and congregate!

I’m dreading it because I don’t get on at all well with getting up at that time. I feel so much better at the moment having been able to push the whole day back by two hours to timings that suit me. I’d been feeling really ill with tiredness before lockdown and it’s just all going to come back again. I’ll have another child at home so can’t even go straight down for a nap after drop off, plus I have to work.

Thank you all for your comments. It's good to feel like I'm not the only one who can find it difficult.

Not that I wish it on anybody!

School mums or parents are no different to people you meet at work or college, they've simply procreated

I hate the clique of the school mums and I’ve never got Involved . I’ve had one or two vaguely friendly people I stood with more than others , who hated it as well. They’ve left now , so I stand with my resting bitch face, grab my child and leave . None of them are real friends really - when their kids fall out they all stop speaking 😂 like others have said , it will be different now anyway .

I hate the school run. I get there with a minute to spare in the afternoon, and this year they've started a 'soft start' to the day. Instead of 30 stampeding children at 9am, the door opens at quarter to and everyone goes straight indoors in dribs and drabs. There's no hanging about, I love it. Especially since so far there has been 2 fist fights between mums. We're in Yr 1 and the classes don't get muddled up. So there's 5yr still to go with these nutters.

I have to force myself to chat at parties though.

I’m a childminder and have been doing school runs for 25 years now. I prefer to keep myself to myself because I can’t be bothered with all the playground nonsense of the self important parents who strut around as if they invented the concept of school. They gather into cliques and at every drop off/pick up can’t greet each other without hugging and kissing. Too affected for me. Not that I would be on their radar - unless they want childcare. On those occasions they’re falling over themselves to be nice. Because they’re so loud and pushy the nice parents are easy to miss. I’d be over the moon if I could wait in my car until the children came out.

I am very lucky to have a lovely bunch of school.mums and I can't wait to see them all again. Looking forward to school starting for that reason. Sorry you don't enjoy it OP. Maybe staying in your car is an option if your kids are old enough to come to you?

People are funny @hanamuslim, but it certainly isn't something you've done. Sometimes the dynamics of these things are way more complicated. For instance where I live, it's a little town where everyone has lived their whole life, and so they already have lifelong friendships so this for them isn't just someone they bump into at school. Very hard to penetrate friendship groups (although this is indeed how I found friends in the town, by a couple of nice mums inviting me along to do things with their pre-formed friendship group). If you have mates elsewhere, this is just a transactional moment of the day really! I'd be pretty pissed off though if you are being friendly and no one reciprocates. It's just manners!

When our kids go back I think there will still be social distancing so won't be able to stand chatting anyway.
Before lockdown I had got quite friendly with school mums even though they were gossipy and bitchy which I absolutely hate.
Since being in lockdown they don't even contact me. I have decided when I go back I shall be steering clear of everyone. We live next to school do its easy to stay home til the last minute and collect at the last minute too. The most bitchy ones will only be at school for another 2 years then I'll never see them again