aibu about mil grandma "name"

[alwaysmoody]

Good Evening

So my mil was named mama by her eldest grandchild who is now 9. His sibling whom has just turned 2, has also followed suit in calling her this.

She calls herself mama to my dd (now 2.5) but dd doesn't call her nothing she calls all the family by names except her. (She doesn't really like her or my own mother for some reason)
She calls me mummy (thankfully) but used to call me mama.

DH has always told her to stop this as he doesn't think it sits right but the whole family are saying we are being unreasonable as it's "her name" for example, his brother will say to dd "go to mama" (meaning his mother) and dh will jump in and go "stop doing that, she's not her mama" which thankfully saves me the energy of being the "bad one"

DH says what he finds unreasonable is that he has talked to her about it but she has ignored him/us and continues to push for what she wants?

But I'm wondering if we are actually being unreasonable and maybe have just gone along with it?

Are you all from UK background?

It's odd, but you need to come up with a name for her and re-enforce it around your DD.

@Ponoka7 I am but DH is not, but I have been told it is not cultural for her to be called by a mothers title. DH said she childminder for the eldest grandchild for the first 2 years of his life and taught him to call her this while he called his mother nothing. I find it odd that she didn't encourage him to call his mother (her daughter) by a mothers title but that's not my business I guess!

DH refers to her by the cultural norm term

If it’s distinct from the name she uses for you I don’t see who it’s hurting. We had an issue where older grandchildren on both sides had used “Dan Dan” for grandfather. We eventually started using GaGa for one of them, my nephew also had “nanny wheels” (wheelchair user) and nanny knitting. Give her time and she’ll come up with something endearing.

I'd just reinforce nanna, nan, nanny or grandma etc. If MIL cannot agree on a name, other than mama, then I'd pick one of the above and constantly use that.

Mama is a diminutive of grandmama, I know loads of people (myself and my husband included) who have grandmothers called Mama.
That said, a grandmother can have different nicknames from different sets of grandchildren.

I only ask because I've known it to be the norm to call older Sisters etc Mama.

Come up with your own name for her and teach your DD to say it.

You are over thinking ( or your DH is). It’s just a monicker your child is using and it is distinctive from actual parents that they know damn well as parents.
In Scotland the term Papa is often used for grandfather. No confusion as to what this means.
My mum was Granwithcats.

I would just refer to her as grandmama and continue to do so. That way it should prevent confusion for the other grandchildren but still makes it clear to anyone in contact with your child that this is a grandparent.

If you don't want her to call her gran 'mama' (and I agree, it's weird), you do need to teach her another name you want her to use.

In France Maman is mum and Mamie is Grandma. Very similar but children know the difference. I really wouldn’t worry.

Not weird if there’s anothername for the actual mum.

If your DH doesn’t mind Grandmama- go with this and you’ll be the peacemaker.

Nana or nanny or granny in UK. Grandma is very posh.
You can suit your own culture though, but if it bothers you say something.

Pick a name you're comfortable with and start using it with your dd, eg ' nanny x is coming to see you/ what shall we get nanny x....' she'll soon pick it up. You can even explain 'cousin X calls nanny x 'mama' but we call her nanny x'

Nana or nanny or granny in UK. Grandma is very posh.

I’ve never heard anyone describe Grandma as being posh, let alone very posh before. What part of the country are you in? I’m wondering if it’s regional.

Where is the emphasis: MA-ma or ma-MA?

For some reason, the former would bother me and the latter would not. Probably because it sounds like a shortened form of Grandmamá.

Where is your DH from? It sounds like a pet form of Grandmother from many different languages, so I would say YABU.

Be like Sheldon call her memar

If she doesn't call you mama then what's the problem? People call grandmothers all sorts of things, nobody gets confused. I must be very posh because my Mum is Grandma, DH's mum is a version of her Christian name.

I’ve never heard anyone describe Grandma as being posh, let alone very posh before

I was going to say the same. My late DM was Grandma to my nieces and nephew and she wasn't posh We are in SE England.

Op I'd just get your DD to call her Nana, every time she says "mama" repeat "Nana".

So GM wants to be called mama, but your daughter apparently is having none of it?

Is she getting confused by her dad & GM?

Why doesn't she like either of her GMs?

Struggling to see the issue.

Grandma isn't posh! I come from a typical working class family and every female grandparent is "grandma".

Mama is quite a common name for a grandmother where I am in the Midlands. Except it’s pronounced Ma-mar.

I know this has no real input to the thread, but hey.

Grandma posh? It’s just another name used. I’m Mama, even to my almost 16yr old. I always thought they’d stop calling us Mama and Dada but haven’t. Anyway that’s beside the point. I personally like different names that have formed. For example my late dad was known as Ratrah to my 2 younger children as my son couldn’t say grandad so said Ratrah and my daughter knew him as Ratrah always. Same with my eldest son, his name is Nathan but my children call him Teh. If they ever do say Nathan he corrects them!

I’d let it go. If you were Mama too maybe I’d encourage her to call her nanny but it’s not worth the hassle if she wants to be Mama. My friend is Ninny, she wanted Ninja Nan but her daughter ruled it out! So Ninny it was. Lol