aibu about mil grandma "name"

[alwaysmoody]

Good Evening

So my mil was named mama by her eldest grandchild who is now 9. His sibling whom has just turned 2, has also followed suit in calling her this.

She calls herself mama to my dd (now 2.5) but dd doesn't call her nothing she calls all the family by names except her. (She doesn't really like her or my own mother for some reason)
She calls me mummy (thankfully) but used to call me mama.

DH has always told her to stop this as he doesn't think it sits right but the whole family are saying we are being unreasonable as it's "her name" for example, his brother will say to dd "go to mama" (meaning his mother) and dh will jump in and go "stop doing that, she's not her mama" which thankfully saves me the energy of being the "bad one"

DH says what he finds unreasonable is that he has talked to her about it but she has ignored him/us and continues to push for what she wants?

But I'm wondering if we are actually being unreasonable and maybe have just gone along with it?

I'd have thought Grandma was the norm in England.

As others have said, keep using grandmama with your dd. If mil says mama, just repeat grandmama.
Children usually work out quite quickly who has which name. My grandson has a Nanny, Grampy, Grandma and Grandad. He definitely knows which one of us is which and woe betide a non family member using the wrong name.
They are sternly corrected by a four year old.

I called my grandfather "Papa", as did all my cousins. No idea how it started as a name.

Nana or nanny or granny in UK. Grandma is very posh.

What? I’ve never heard that, my grandmas not posh at all.

I had two Grandmas and we are definitely not posh!

We use Grandma. Definitely not posh!

Grandma definitely not posh, I wondered if the poster meant to say Grandmama. That does sound posh!

My kids have a Mami (French grandmother) my friend calls his nan "mum" as well as his mum "mum". Confusing.
Your Lo will find something that works, nana might be good for now as it sounds similar to mama ?

Mama is quite a common name for a grandmother where I am in the Midlands. Except it’s pronounced Ma-mar.

I was thinking something similar. I have heard dc calling their Grandma "Mar-Mar" (different from Mama). It's not that, is it? I found it odd at first until I understood that it was a separate name.

Grandma is definitely not posh. However Nanny is a paid for, unrelated childminder. (Opens bigger can of worms).
I would correct her each time to Grandmama and keep calling her it at home too.

In her native country the norm is to refer to grandmothers as "Anay". When ever I have tried to say Grandmama she says "no that's English and sounds old" lol or I even tried saying mama then the word for grand in her language but she just wants mama lol.

Ahh I guess it's not a big deal in the grand schemes

I am pretty relaxed over names etc in this sense, but I wouldn't like 'mama' as a grandma's name. It could definitely cause confusion.

Although I do think it is usually up to the adult as to what they want others to call them I do think it should be within reason, and I don't think he calling herself 'mama' is appropriate or within reason really.

I called mine grandma but that was considered quite unusual where I grew up. It was more normal to call them either mom-mar, mam-ar or non-nar where I came from.

When you say mama, is it pronounced mam-ma?
Or are they saying mam-mar.

As a parent and grandparent, I wouldn’t get too bothered about titles. Your child knows you’re her mum after all.

Grandma isn’t posh!

My grandparents were Ma and Pa. I had a friend at university who called her mum and dad Ma and Pa. I think as long as there’s no confusion about who has what name, it shouldn’t really matter what the name is.

Would just allocate her a "name" and keep using it. We have....
Grandma and grandpa - my mum and dad
Gran and grandad- DJ mum and dad
Granny and gramps and gandy and nan and mini- various new partners who come in and out of our lives....

Many divorces and remarriage have taken place!

Haha dh not DJ!

@diddl mil when refer as one name, then dh calls her anay so dd probably very confused. When she hears her cousins calling mil mama she just runs to me lol.

Regarding not liking any of her grandmothers! I really don't know. She does call my mum "mabaa" as some form of grandma lol but will refuse to acknowledge her most of the time and Mil, dd straight will not even look at her! But with all the other women and relatives she's fine?! I find it very odd too

@CurlsandCurves Erewash?

Ma-mar is quite normal here too although I'm not a fan of it personally. Just say grandma or nana in front of your dd. My mil got herself right in a twist about what she would be called before my eldest was born. She wanted the name 'grandma' and decided my mum absolutely must be called something else. My mum didn't care and became nanny. The daft thing is, my bils kids call their other grandparent 'grandma first name' and mil is 'grandma mil'. So for all the fuss, she still ended up having the same name as the other grandparent for some of her grandkids anyway.

My children call my Mother mama. Annoyed me at first but in the end i thought i wanted mummy anyway. My sister wouldnt allow that and calls her granny, as does my dn. my sister is mama to her ds. However, dn calls me and refers to me as mummy because thats what he hears my dc say, and he doesn't associate it with his mum. Which is awkward when ive got him and someone mentions my three children and i say, this one isnt mine, then he calls me mummy and they look at me like im a unfit mother. im in england.

A friend’s children who are Scottish, and whole family is Scottish, call the grandma mama.

If your dc calls you mummy, and you dont want mama, is it actually a problem?

I'd find it weird if your MiL had always insisted age wanted to be called this. But she hasn't, it was your niece / nephew that started it and their sibling has carried it on. It's a pet name that has come about organically.

Personally I think its odd to try and change it. It will be nice for cousins to call her the same name. If this is the only thing that's bothering you, she is not trying to be their mum. How will you tell your child that mama is wrong infront of their cousins? I really wouldnt make a big deal out of this unless its part of a whole host of things that point to her wanting to take over

It is quite rude of her. I’d probably call her Grandmama / granny for short. Can’t do much about rest of family weirdness tho.

My DH called his grandad Father and his dad by his actual name which I thought was strange. He's wanting our kids to follow suit and call his dad father.. but I don't like it at all.

"Be like Sheldon call her memar"

Memaw is what I think you mean, southern US name for grandmother. It's a good option is the grandmother is an American hillbilly with a shotgun.

In Scotland the term Papa is often used for grandfather. No confusion as to what this means

I don't think Papa is the same though. Mama as a grandmother would be akin to Dada for a grandfather surely (both of which are weird imo)?

I wouldn't like it OP but judging by other replies I guess it's a regional thing