aibu about mil grandma "name"

[alwaysmoody]

Good Evening

So my mil was named mama by her eldest grandchild who is now 9. His sibling whom has just turned 2, has also followed suit in calling her this.

She calls herself mama to my dd (now 2.5) but dd doesn't call her nothing she calls all the family by names except her. (She doesn't really like her or my own mother for some reason)
She calls me mummy (thankfully) but used to call me mama.

DH has always told her to stop this as he doesn't think it sits right but the whole family are saying we are being unreasonable as it's "her name" for example, his brother will say to dd "go to mama" (meaning his mother) and dh will jump in and go "stop doing that, she's not her mama" which thankfully saves me the energy of being the "bad one"

DH says what he finds unreasonable is that he has talked to her about it but she has ignored him/us and continues to push for what she wants?

But I'm wondering if we are actually being unreasonable and maybe have just gone along with it?

Honestly your last post there - that is SO out of order that I would stamp it out right now. And the way to do that is to (temporarily, until it gets sorted) stop contact.

Your DH goes round there alone, sits her down and says - we are really really unhappy with this naming thing and it isn't going to go away. This is about more than a name. It feels as if you are trying to be controlling and stay in the 'mother' role where the grandchildren are concerned. You've been told many times that we won't accept our daughter calling anyone else mama, you have pushed and pushed and it is now at the point that we don't enjoy spending time with you and you behave inappropriately to DD by still trying to refer to her mother as mama alwaysmoody when you know that that is not what she is called. That isn't a loving grandmother, that is a controlling person and we have had enough. We will NOT be visiting until you can respect our wishes and the fact that for OUR family, only Alwaysmoody is called mama/mother/mummy. You can either be Anay or find another name which is not mama.'

And stick to it.

Honestly, children will end up calling people whatever they want. If she no longer call you mama, what’s the problem?

Not sure why you care about this. Seems like a non issue to me.

Even now she calls me "mummy first name" to her? Which my dh has corrected her with "no she's just mummy, there is only one mother"

Whoa this has just taken a weird turn. So she says you are "mummymoody" NO, not ok - You are "mummy", there is only one mummy. Thank god your DH is on your side, she sounds a bloody nightmare.

Lol gotta love the AIBU threads where everyone starts falling over one another to be the MOST cool and MOST unbothered by said problem.

'Tis an AIBU thing OP!

YABU. If she’s already known as Mama by 2 GC it seems silly for yours to call her something different. It’s up to her what she’s called, not you. You and your DH are being too controlling.

In Scotland the term Papa is often used for grandfather.

But in Scotland Papa is never used for a father so this is very different.

it seems silly for yours to call her something different.

We called my dad’s mum Grandma, my cousins called her Granny. None of us were confused by it, it was never mentioned.

Threads like this make me . Does it really matter, my DC call their grandad/grandfather/papa/pops or whatever - they call him granda - not even a real word but it’s how they know him. He’s sadly dying at the moment so I would take time on this thread to remind you to ask what is really important in life

Just keep calling her grandma, get a book from dd with grandma on the front.
Read a book to dd over and over again with the word grandma on every page.
Let your dh jump in every time and you back him up.
if she continues then tell her it's a shame you can't see much of her atm, but dd is confused with the famiiy and her insisting on the wrong name.

Given that she's actively trying to change the way your children address you, I would say that she is batshit and you're best off leaving her to it! I can understand her having a preference, but it sounds like you've offered her a selection of alternatives and she's completely unwilling to compromise.