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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unprotected swimming pool

100 replies

TrainsandDiggers · 19/02/2020 03:22

We are currently visiting a family who recently emigrate to a hot country. They have a lovely pool in the garden which my children are loving. The worry I have though, is that the pool is completely unprotected - no fences, alarms, life rings - nothing. To get to the pool and garden you have to go down a number of steps. Whilst they can be seen from the house, lots of big vegetation preclude a clear view. They have four children of their own, all under 10 and two under fives. Personally, I am watching my own children like a hawk and just can’t relax. AIBU or is this set up just really irresponsible?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2020 03:24

It's one of my absolute nos. I won't stay with DD somewhere with an unfenced pool. More dangerous than a gun in the house. Statistically.

CrystalDeCanter · 19/02/2020 03:38

Totally illegal here in Australia. Shocking number of tragedies involving tiny children and pools.

I would be hyper vigilant too OP.

FurrySlipperBoots · 19/02/2020 03:49

How old are your children? I had a stint holiday nannying abroad, where the pool was unfenced. I didn't leave the toddler alone for a moment. The family were very relaxed about it and thought I was unnecessarily anxious but the statistics are shocking.

Original poster
TrainsandDiggers · 19/02/2020 03:52

I have two under 6 years

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 19/02/2020 03:53

No. I would be anxious about them wandering out when the rest of the house was asleep over and above everything else.

Kids love water. Kids move like bullets. Kids can do things silently when they want to.

I'd have to raise it with my friends. Not just for your DC on holiday but their own going forward.

TenShortStories · 19/02/2020 03:54

If you're going with the gun analogy then a properly fenced pool might be akin to a gun in a locked gun cabinet, and this setup like leaving your gun out on the bloody dining table with the kids all milling about!

I'd be the same as you. Can you make your kids play wearing life jackets just in case?

Original poster
TrainsandDiggers · 19/02/2020 03:57

If I had life jackets they’d be in them! It’s honestly keeping me awake at night - hence this post!

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 19/02/2020 04:11

I believe they qualify as an "attractive nuisance"?

nowayhose · 19/02/2020 04:45

YANBU to watch the children like a hawk, but YABU if you expected the family to put in a fence or similar at their own expense because you are visiting.

I'd be asking all adults there to agree on safety measures e.g. All doors to outside stay locked until 8am. If anyone goes to the pool, they watch the youngsters etc, whatever works for you all.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 19/02/2020 05:00

I have just bought a house with a pool (I am in Oz). You need to have a fence, and its inspected every few years to make sure it is compliant. An unfenced pool is just asking for trouble, especially with little kids around. In fact I wouldn't even stay in a house like that , its just too risky.

Original poster
TrainsandDiggers · 19/02/2020 05:00

Definitely not expecting them to put in special measure for our children, but would have thought that they would want to for their own!

OP posts:
Nodnol · 19/02/2020 05:27

If you are in Australia, report them to the local council. Bloody idiots.

finn1020 · 19/02/2020 05:59

That’s really really dangerous. Is there any possibility you could stay elsewhere? Your friends are mad to have a pool unfenced with two under 5s around, that’s two funerals waiting to happen.

Goatinthegarden · 19/02/2020 06:02

I get why you’re nervous, but I’m a bit bemused at PP worrying about night time. You said your children are under 6, but are they able to follow rules?

The average child is not going to leave a house unattended (especially in the middle of the night) if they’re told not to.When I was growing up, we holidayed in villas with pools. There were no safety fences or alarms at any of them, but we followed our parents rules. Don’t go past this patio unsupervised, no going near the pool unless an adult is watching, etc. Then you only need to supervise when they are outside, which is sensible for children under 6 when outdoors anyway.

Frenchw1fe · 19/02/2020 06:15

We have a pool, no pool fence but we have an alarm. Also the garden is fenced off so no-one can randomly enter our property and fall into the pool.
When my dgs visits we also have a system of nominating an adult to mind him. This prevents the 'I thought you were watching him' scenario.

Fortunately our dgs is terrified of setting our noisy alarm off so always asks to use the pool. The pool also gets covered at night. Mainly to prevent animals falling in it.

I suggest all parents look at Levi's Legacy on fb and learn how to keep your dc safe.
In many warm countries drowning is the highest cause of death in under 5's.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 19/02/2020 06:24

YABU, but not in the way you meant. YABU because you did not turn around and leave the moment you saw that they had a pool with no locked fence around it. A PP said why be worried at night, the answer is because children (well anyone really, but children are the concern here) can be unpredictable, I slept walked when I was a child, going downstairs etc, other children are not all obedient, they could wake up in the night wanting a drink of water, needing a wee, or after a nightmare, and think "I am hot, I will play in the water", or another child might love doing the opposite to what it is told.
If you stay and one of your children dies you will never forgive yourself. If you stay and one of their children dies either during your stay, or after you leave, and you never made your worries known to the parents, will you feel at all guilty for not having said anything? At the moment their idiotic beliefs are being strengthened by your silence and compliance.

Goatinthegarden · 19/02/2020 06:42

Now, I’m the PP who questioned the leaving the house in the night thing. I don’t have children, so let’s not worry about my clearly very negligent attitude, but if you’re so worried about unpredictable children leaving the house in the night, how do you sleep in your own house back home?

Surely if they can exit a locked house in the night, they can scale a fence surrounding a pool?

Bikerider2020 · 19/02/2020 06:49

The average child is not going to leave a house unattended (especially in the middle of the night) if they’re told not to.When I was growing up, we holidayed in villas with pools. There were no safety fences or alarms at any of them, but we followed our parents rules. Don’t go past this patio unsupervised, no going near the pool unless an adult is watching, etc. Then you only need to supervise when they are outside, which is sensible for children under 6 when outdoors anyway.

How very simplistic.. just tell them not to drown!

OP, I'd be really stressed if I were you, sorry that's not helpful and a very fraught holiday for you.

Mumdiva99 · 19/02/2020 06:51

I stayed at a family members house with an unfenced pool with my 3 kids on my own. I was hyper vigilant - they weren't even allowed out the house without me. Very hard for them because their cousins were. And two were allowed in the pool unsupervised. Mine were only allowed in when supervised. Fortunately all was well. But my husband would never have forgiven me of there was an incident due to my carelessness.

All you can do is recommend they fence it and think again about staying yourself. If your kids are well behaved then strict rules should be ok. If your kids are impulsive and might do a runner maybe don't stay again.

HoppingPavlova · 19/02/2020 06:54

The average child is not going to leave a house unattended (especially in the middle of the night) if they’re told not to.When I was growing up, we holidayed in villas with pools. There were no safety fences or alarms at any of them, but we followed our parents rules.

Okay, so maybe all the kids that drown are not ‘average kids’. Maybe some are naughty. Maybe some are rule-breakers. Maybe some gave a type of SN. Doesn’t mean they deserve to drown.

Ylvamoon · 19/02/2020 06:55

Can their DC swim? What are the home rules for the DC....
Maybe as it's normal for them, they know what to do.

Goatinthegarden · 19/02/2020 06:56

How very simplistic.. just tell them not to drown!

That’s not quite my point. My post suggested that one shouldn’t need to worry all night when the children are in bed and the doors to the property are locked.

Obviously you need to be vigilant during waking hours, but surely someone has to supervise small children who are awake all the time anyway? What if they get in the kitchen and start playing with knives?

Tulipan · 19/02/2020 06:57

You have to speak to them. If they just emigrated, this just might not be something they have ever thought about. Maybe talking about Oz and the regulations there would be a way in. If one of their kids drowns one day and you had said nothing to raise awareness of risk, how bad would you feel!

HoppingPavlova · 19/02/2020 06:57

Sorry, posted too soon. When I was a young kid I broke lots of rules and got up to lots of naughty stuff. That was even back in the day of corporal punishment when being hit with the belt at home and cane at school was completely normal. We would contemplate something naughty, weigh up if it was worth the harsh punishment if we got caught and then proceed. I imagine sneaking out at night to go swimming would have fitted that bill.

Booboostwo · 19/02/2020 06:57

Also illegal here in France. Our pool has a fence with a gate with a latch the DCs couldn’t undo when they were little, and a cover. We know of a family whose toddler drowned with 14 relatives around because they all thought someone else was keeping and eye and the pool was unprotected.

You are right to be very concerned. Unfortunately you will have a miserable holiday having to supervise the DCs constantly.