Unprotected swimming pool

[TrainsandDiggers]

We are currently visiting a family who recently emigrate to a hot country. They have a lovely pool in the garden which my children are loving. The worry I have though, is that the pool is completely unprotected - no fences, alarms, life rings - nothing. To get to the pool and garden you have to go down a number of steps. Whilst they can be seen from the house, lots of big vegetation preclude a clear view. They have four children of their own, all under 10 and two under fives. Personally, I am watching my own children like a hawk and just can’t relax. AIBU or is this set up just really irresponsible?

I went to a villa last year with a pool, no fence, alarm etc. I just locked the doors to the garden unless I was in the garden. Even if there wasn’t a pool I would leave externally facing doors unlocked with a small child around.

Thumbwitchesabroad. We had similar family rules in our Sydney place when we were there. Particularly when we had BBQs, parents had to be responsible for own kids otherwise they were not going in the pool.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all, this would terrify me. Is there somewhere you could pick up some life jackets? I would make sure they wore them whenever they were outside and I.wouldnt have them sleeping in that guest room.

We have an unfenced pool at the end of our garden, not properly visible from the house.

We wouldn't have bought the house if our kids had been younger (they were both over 10 and very responsible. They know never to go into the swimming pool area without an adult present who specifically tells them that they can. They have to be watched by an adult at all times when in that area. They are very good swimmers but THIS IS IRRELEVANT because anybody can drown.)

When their younger, less responsible cousins visit then they are watched all the time and at night I lock the doors and windows and keep all the keys in my room. Just in case.

I wouldnt have an unfenced pool and young children. That said, people live next to rivers and the sea and A roads, without worrying that their children may sleepwalk into them/sneak out at midnight and play on them, so I do feel that some of the responses on this thread are a little alarmist.

YANBU at all. This is very very irresponsible. Where are you? In some countries this is illegal. I remember when pool fencing was made mandatory where I lived after a spate of child deaths.

I took mine to a friends house which had an open pool.

It was only for the day.

Mine are usually very safety conscious. If you told them something was dangerous they would take notice.
But being under 5 at the time didn’t stop them at varying points in the day getting in the pool on their own.

As I was fishing Dd out of the pool at one end as she bobbed to the surface Ds jumped in the pool at the other.

No one but me noticed.
All they saw was me legging the length of the pool and jumping in to retrieve Ds.

The most stressful day ever.

Might have a pool now if I lived in a hot country now they are older but not an unprotected or unalarmed one.

Just because you tell a child not to do something there is always the possibility that they forget and just do it.

They can be the most sensible child in the world but when a thought hits their head then all warnings and explanations and instructions go clear out of their head and Fort Knox isn’t going to keep them in.

There is a difference between getting out into a garden and getting out into a garden with an unprotected pool.

What kind of conversation do you envisage the poster having with their friends? " I don't agree with this parenting choice you've made. I think you're making a mistake and are exceptionally irresponsible - thanks for the accommodation and the use of said deathtrap of a pool".

You didn't feel strongly enough to check about the pool before you got there and you don't feel strongly about it to leave the holiday early. I had something similar with regards to visitors and cycle helmets a few summers ago. My kids don't use them, we don't have them. My friend does, she didn't bring her own. I pointed her in the nearest direction of a shop, she felt affronted, she would have preferred that I stopped my kids using the bikes while hers were there. We muddled through the last few days of the holiday, the last day didn't go well, there was also a follow up email re safety concerns. We don't speak now.

Implants - that’s a bit odd! My children wear helmets on bikes, but unless I ran a bike hire shop, I wouldn’t expect to have to provide helmets for other children who stay with us, nor would I expect to be provided with helmets for my children by other people - they are fitted to the child’s head! A pool protection measure benefits everyone, surely?

The scenario you describe OP with patio doors giving direct access to a garden with an unfenced pool and a lot of people in the household some of whom can easily open the doors without thinking of the young children and the pool is exactly how children drown.

If it were me I would cut the holiday short and tell my friends why. If they are stupid enough to take such a risk with their DCs they are stupid enough to be insulted when you point it out, but you can't save some people from themselves.

A pp saying about pool covers, unless it's a hard one the covers that sit on top of pools (like in public swimming pools in UK) are absolute death traps as you can jump in and then get caught under the cover.

I don’t think you need to leave early but there are things you could do like:

*Ask if the bedroom patio doors can be locked permanently and remove the key.

• accept that you will be ‘on’ and supervising the small ones. No snoozing during the afternoon or relying on your friends.
• make sure you teach some basic safety skills so the children can learn to grab onto the side if they do jump in.

It might not be the most stress free holiday but some of the posters on here have taken it to extremes. It can be managed- you don’t need to upsticks and leave.

To be safe you need two precautions between you and disaster. If there are only patio doors, they can easily be left open, if there is only one adult supervising two children they can easily be distracted, etc. You need the second precaution to kick in when the first one fails.

Cremebrule how long would you say it takes to teach non-swimmers some 'basic safety skills' such as grabbing onto the side if they jump/fall in? Do you see the OP teaching this in an afternoon? My kids have only learnt this kind of thing as part of swimming lessons, and they needed a minimum of 10 swimming lessons to have minimal swimming competencies.

Crockof in countries with swimming pool safety laws there are guidelines for the cover. Our is a safety cover, DH walked on it when we first got it and it supported his weight (overweight grown man). We've also had a dog run on it when it was half open (37kg of GSD) and it still supported the dog's weight. If you were to go under the cover you could swim in the free space it creates, it does not collapse on you. These types of covers are available for all standard shape swimming pools. For anything really weirdly shaped you have to get a more expensive type.

The house is in Turkey

Booboostwo I’m not saying she can teach them to swim immediately - that’s clearly unrealistic but as a minimum she can be teaching them to turn and reach for the side and hold on. Its some of the basic moves that they teach in waterbabies and the like in baby swimming so I’d have thought a 3-5 year old would get the concept quite quickly even if they are non-swimmers.

My friends little brother drowned aged 2 1/2 in their swimming pool so yes you’re right to be concerned.
My mum bought my son this little turtle alarm bracelet, they can’t remove it and if it touches water the sound goes off.
I’d highly recommend it

www.safetyturtle.co.uk/

This story really got to me last year OP- YANBU

www.today.com/parents/bode-morgan-miller-open-about-daughter-s-drowning-share-new-t134603

When my husband and I book our holiday, many of the hotels offer direct access to the pool outside your room- no way in hell I will opt for one of those with a LO!

YANBU. Some people are just thick as shit.
And they don't learn a lesson until their children have paid with their lives. It's disgraceful.

Crembrule I think you are imagining utterly unrealistic stuff and I am making the point of posting about it just in case anyone is stupid enough to be inspired from this and think they can teach their 3-5 year old similar. 3-5 year old non-swimmers who fall in pools sink and drown.

Babies who have been taught to swim put themselves on their backs and float. This is what they are taught, not to pull themselves out from the edge.

Another Australian here and my blood runs cold at the thought of an unfenced pool.

I would not stay there. I would also run the risk of losing the friendship by sitting them down and having a very honest conversation about the very real risk that their children could drown.

Even though all my children aged between 5 - 11 can swim I would never leave them in a pool unattended as all it takes is one jump in too close to the edge, or to slip and fall for them to knock themselves out and drown.

Pool covers are dangerous for small children, they don realise there is a cover on and can go under.

There is no way I would stay anywhere with an unprotected pool.

what you have to do is watch the kids all the time they are awake. That means watch - no phone, no book. Take it in turns with other adults.

lifejackets won't be worn, too hot, and only proper lifejackets will save from drowning. Buoyancy aids just keep you floating how you fell so no use.

sorry - won't be much of a holiday if you continue to stay but that's how it is with small children and pools.