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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is morally wrong?

97 replies

UserUser321 · 13/02/2020 18:44

My sister told me yesterday she’s been seeing this guy for a few weeks.

Totally fine until she told me that he’s only a few months out of a long term relationship and has a 4 month old baby 😦 Apparently the mother ended things when the baby was a few weeks old but I don’t know if this is true or not.

I haven’t said anything but is it bad that I think this is just morally wrong on both of their parts and that my sister should be wary of this guy?

OP posts:
Forgivenandsetfree · 13/02/2020 18:46

Well his ex obviously left him for a reason and so soon after her baby was born..wonder why..

TheMemoryLingers · 13/02/2020 18:49

Without knowing the details of what happened or the accuracy of your sister's account, it's impossible to say. It's not, in itself, morally wrong to split up when there's a baby involved - it does a child no favours to be brought up in the midst of a failed relationship.

The best thing you can do is be there for your sister and make sure she seems happy in the relationship - which I'm sure you are already doing.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 13/02/2020 18:50

Yea, I wonder if this has been going on longer than she’s letting on...

OP posts:
abstractprojection · 13/02/2020 18:52

I’m not sure about morally wrong but I would be concerned for my sister if she was entering a relationship a man in these circumstances.

Veterinari · 13/02/2020 18:53

If there was no crossover then why is it morally wrong?

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2020 18:54

I really don't see what's morally wrong with any single person dating someone else.

I'm sure the truth will out about the break-up and also your sister will see how well he treats his child (or not). That would be the part that involves morals for me, not simply dating someone 4 months after becoming a parent.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/02/2020 18:54

If you take what your sister has said at face value and there isn't any "gotcha" lurking in the background then no, not morally wrong. But your sister should still be wary of him because if the mother of his newborn has asked him to leave that suggests at the very least that he is likely, not great at shouldering responsibility like an adult.

TabbyMumz · 13/02/2020 18:56

So he broke up with the Mum when the baby was 2 months old, just when she needs him most. Has she said what support he is giving the Mum, and is he taking his turn with baby care and even overnight care? Or has he literally just walked away? I suspect the latter. If so, I'm afraid I dont respect him at all.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 13/02/2020 19:01

No, I’m afraid I don’t know how supportive he’s being, or if he is at all.

Her jumping into bed with a man who’s just out of a relationship and has a baby so young, just doesn’t sit well with me. The same goes for him. I’d want to avoid that at all costs but then that just me

OP posts:
Original poster
UserUser321 · 13/02/2020 19:03

Can you imagine if it was the mother who got a new boyfriend 3 months after having a baby though?

OP posts:
LoveNote · 13/02/2020 19:04

why does it matter what age the kid is? if its over, its over

ADJ1151 · 13/02/2020 19:04

I totally get why you would be concerned but if they’ve officially split up there’s not really a huge problem. Sounds ok if the mother ended it.. if that’s true he didn’t cheat or anything.

I split up with my sons dad when I was pregnant then we got back together briefly but our relationship was doomed and we ended it for good when DS was small. A few weeks later I met my partner who I’ve now been with for 8 years. Sometimes you just know if a relationship is going to work out or not.

ChrissieKeller61 · 13/02/2020 19:06

I dated someone who had a 1 year old. She basically got pregnant then fucked him off, had no interest in a relationship just wanted the baby.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/02/2020 19:07

I don’t think it’s morally wrong.
But I would worry that the sister is seeing a man who is likely to just use her and leave her at the drop of a hat. The ex must have had a reason to end things when the baby was only a few weeks old. He sounds like he’s irresponsible tbh.

Nifflernancy · 13/02/2020 19:09

So you don’t know the details, but have decided it’s wrong.... why don’t you wind your neck in a bit at least until you know the facts? Presume your sister can handle herself?

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 13/02/2020 19:12

Can you imagine if it was the mother who got a new boyfriend 3 months after having a baby though?

Confused yes- I can. and it would be absolutely fine.

You’re very weird OP. Single people sleeping with other single people is nothing to be outraged about. Regardless of the age of their children.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 13/02/2020 19:15

So he broke up with the Mum when the baby was 2 months old, just when she needs him most.

No. She broke up with him.

Strugglingtoquit · 13/02/2020 19:21

It would make me wary, but not necessarily morally wrong.

I Think a lot would depend on how involved he is as a father. I wouldn’t expect overnights with a tiny baby but definitely regular contact and maintainence

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2020 19:21

Can you imagine if it was the mother who got a new boyfriend 3 months after having a baby though?

Yes, totally Confused

Some single women date whilst pregnant too.

Qwerty543 · 13/02/2020 19:23

None of your business OP.

AnyFucker · 13/02/2020 19:25

Look to your own morals, I would say

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 13/02/2020 19:27

Can you imagine if it was the mother who got a new boyfriend 3 months after having a baby though?

Really? I know a couple who got together 60 years ago whilst she was 7 month pregnant. I think its unreasonable to make comments like that OP.

I would maybe be wary for my sister that he might leave her or do the same to her, but if he was single I dont see why its morally wrong.

Original poster
UserUser321 · 13/02/2020 19:44

Single women date whilst pregnant? Gosh, surely not?

Maybe I’m just a little old fashioned but I think that’s insane.

OP posts:
JuanSheetIsPlenty · 13/02/2020 19:48

Do you live in a cave OP? I don’t buy for a second that you’ve never heard of a single pregnant woman dating.

Doggybiccys · 13/02/2020 19:48

”Today 19:44 UserUser321

Single women date whilst pregnant? Gosh, surely not?

Maybe I’m just a little old fashioned but I think that’s insane.“

Are you being serious OP? pregnancy Is not corona virus - you don’t need to be isolated. Some pregnant women even have sex!