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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kill DP for giving July off?

87 replies

Goingawayistricky · 22/01/2020 21:53

I teach, DP is self employed. I have sole care of the children from a previous relationship . We don’t live together but we are very long term.

He has always worked a bit over school summer holidays, meaning I don’t really get to enjoy the one real perk of teaching with him. Fair enough , I do my own thing with the kids usually which is fine but expensive. Obviously I can’t get holiday at other times like regular jobs, whereas he absolutely can pick and chose work.

This year is especially annoying, as weirdly all the children are away for three weeks in summer holidays. Basically that’s a fabulous opportunity we rarely get.
DP’s job is very very cool but is freelance. So obviously that trumps teaching. He will have weeks of time off and then a couple of lucaruitive jobs booked, He can’t relate to rotas and set time off despite the whole point of the six week holiday

I am building a patio because he has just sent me his work dates and informed me happily he’s free “ all of July”. Great.Grrrrrr The month every teacher is counting down. But busy all August. My child free, paid long holiday.

Do so either potter around, or spend a fortune on a holiday for one, or buy hungry pigs for the back garden.

OP posts:
Feedmylambs · 22/01/2020 22:00

I’m a freelancer and all I can say is, you take work when you’re offered if you want to be paid! Understand your frustrations OP but lots of couples don’t face holidays/leave which align. Why not treat yourself to a holiday alone? Or with a friend? I know not ideal but why waste your opportunity to enjoy yourselfSmile

CottonHeadedNinnyMug · 22/01/2020 22:25

Holiday alone, it will be wonderful!!

NameChangeNugget · 22/01/2020 22:27

I can see his point

Whatsername177 · 22/01/2020 22:37

I would absolutely holiday alone. I'm a teacher and a mother- my kids are 3 and 8. I'd struggle to be on my own for more than a couple of days. When my mum has my kids to stay over night because they fancy a sleepover (rather than her doing me a favour and having them so I can do something else) I rattle around the house not knowing what to do with myself. I feel pathetic but, that is the truth. If I knew I'd have 3 weeks of just me, I'd book as much in as possible. Holiday/see friends/hobby stuff etc.

Original poster
Goingawayistricky · 22/01/2020 22:42

Yes, I get it. It was just the way he said ‘l I ‘ve got all of July free!” No use to me at all. And probably none to him.
It’s just irritating,. He doesn’t need a holiday away as he’ll do New York, Sydney and Hong Kong after May half term.

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 22/01/2020 22:46

Don't you get the last week off July off?

PanickedMondays · 22/01/2020 22:55

Absolutely aggravating, if he had any choice in the matter!

If he has choice I would say something quite assertive about this. And ask him why the hell has he chosen to work for the whole of August when you are off, and tell him to fuck off and enjoy his July while you are working.

Then look for something like the holidays on Skyros where you can do courses in fabulous surroundings, or a group walking hol of the Lycian Way etc, great holidays, with company if you want it.

PigletJohn · 23/01/2020 00:40

When you're in business on your own, it's hard to book holidays

but

if you actually want to have some, you have to arrange it well in advance and put it in your diary, and stick to it. You will be unavailable, just as you would be if you were on a job.

I've known people who thought that by doing lots of work they were building a great life for their families.

Maybe they were.

A great life, without them.

Katzia · 23/01/2020 00:55

My hubby is self employed. He takes work as it comes and holidays in lean periods. We generally holiday outside of spring/summer as that is lean periods, although I have gone 15 mo the without a holiday due to his work. You just learn to live with it. You can't deny someone earning a living for the sake of a summer holiday. I'm currently looking at going on a trip also as it's now been 13 months since I've had a break and he won't finish his latest contract until May.

Katzia · 23/01/2020 00:57

*months

sleepylittlebunnies · 23/01/2020 01:05

If he can’t alter it, moneys tight and you’ll be bored could you look at doing private tutoring or holiday childcare even just for the middle week. If not could you catch up with childfree family or friends or just chill in the garden? I get your annoyance though.

Three weeks childfree would be a great opportunity to send quality time with him. Just thought, if he’s working somewhere nice could you go with him but keep yourself occupied when he’s working? At least it would be a change if scenery.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 23/01/2020 01:11

Go away alone! Interpol across Europe and he can join you for long weekends here or there

MashedSpud · 23/01/2020 01:17

You say you don’t live together. How often do you see him? Does he get on with your kids?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/01/2020 01:17

Go away alone! Interpol across Europe and he can join you for long weekends here or there

He may even be allowed to make conjugal visits - you'll be 'available' and unencumbered by work commitments pretty much 24/7 if you do things serious enough to get Interpol involved Grin

Bowerbird5 · 23/01/2020 01:26

Do something fabulous. A hobby or a trip abroad in a group. A trip down the Rhine, a fortnight in Japan something really special.

Don’t you get the last week to 10 days off?

Or you could join housesitters. Look after someone’s pet and go to several parts of the country.
Men don’t always think!

SleepWarrior · 23/01/2020 01:57

The idea of an Interpol across Europe sounds very exciting! Definitely do that! Or perhaps that's what you do after burying him under the patio.

In seriousness I think it's just one of those things. Holidays might not line up every single year, it doesn't need to be a big issue, it's only one summer.

TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 23/01/2020 02:53

He can’t relate to rotas and set time off despite the whole point of the six week holiday

If he can't be bothered to ask when you have free time he isn't much of a partner.

HirplesWithHaggis · 23/01/2020 02:59

Move to Scotland. All of July is the first four weeks of our school summer holidays.

BlackCatSleeping · 23/01/2020 03:15

I’m actually dying laughing at the OP Interpolling across Europe. That’s such a great typo. Like she’s Thelma and Louise but only one of her.

I think the OP has an unusual relationship in that they don’t live together and don’t go on holiday together, but I can imagine with kids from a previous relationship there are advantages in that. I think it’s like if you have a pet pig and you keep looking at it wishing it was a dog, at some point you either just have to accept it’s a pig or get rid and get a dog. No amount of wishing is going to change things.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/01/2020 03:21

He can’t relate to rotas and set time off

This actually sounds like a potentially big problem for a teacher's partner. Do you mean along the lines of - he really doesn't see why you can't just take some time off mid-term, or do you just mean - his job isn't compatible with your fixed holidays? Because if they former I think you need to ask yourself some bigger questions about your relationship.

DisinterestedParty · 23/01/2020 04:08

It sounds like you need to have a discussion about expectations and whether you want to have a holiday together or not. It sounds like you have different expectations.

It might help to mention where you are/what your holidays are in your OP rather than assuming all teachers have the same holidays cos we are off all of July here so I was kind of confused by much of your post.

Cantwaitforsummer2020 · 23/01/2020 04:11

He sounds selfish Confused

Shev1996 · 23/01/2020 04:16

You need to think that being self employed doesn’t mean it’s easy to set your holidays to your choice. You work for customers and when you don’t work you also don’t get paid (plus no holiday pay). If you are offered work in August and choose to turn it down and go on holiday you have the cost of said holiday plus the same duration with no pay. Plus if you turn down work for a customer you could also lose future work. Self employment has its benefits but also major downfalls

Urkiddingright · 23/01/2020 04:31

Perhaps your jobs are incompatible. You wouldn’t be the first person to accept a relationship isn’t going to work due to work patterns. I teach too so I needed a partner who would understand I can only go abroad during the school holidays and can’t just swan off at any old time. Perhaps something to consider in future.

Goatinthegarden · 23/01/2020 06:18

It’s not the end of the world. I’m a teacher and DH only gets a week or two off in my summer holidays and we have no DC.

DH and I usually go away for about ten days. Then the rest of the time is MINE. ALL TO MYSELF. It’s amazing! I visit friends and family who live far away, work on craft projects that I never have time to do, go running, biking, have peaceful coffees, potter about locally with teacher pals who are also off. Drink cocktails on weeknights.

It all just disappears in a flash!