Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Kill DP for giving July off?

87 replies

Goingawayistricky · 22/01/2020 21:53

I teach, DP is self employed. I have sole care of the children from a previous relationship . We don’t live together but we are very long term.

He has always worked a bit over school summer holidays, meaning I don’t really get to enjoy the one real perk of teaching with him. Fair enough , I do my own thing with the kids usually which is fine but expensive. Obviously I can’t get holiday at other times like regular jobs, whereas he absolutely can pick and chose work.

This year is especially annoying, as weirdly all the children are away for three weeks in summer holidays. Basically that’s a fabulous opportunity we rarely get.
DP’s job is very very cool but is freelance. So obviously that trumps teaching. He will have weeks of time off and then a couple of lucaruitive jobs booked, He can’t relate to rotas and set time off despite the whole point of the six week holiday

I am building a patio because he has just sent me his work dates and informed me happily he’s free “ all of July”. Great.Grrrrrr The month every teacher is counting down. But busy all August. My child free, paid long holiday.

Do so either potter around, or spend a fortune on a holiday for one, or buy hungry pigs for the back garden.

OP posts:

adaline · 23/01/2020 11:18

"Really sorry, I know its not good timing but I can't turn down X"

He probably thought OP would understand that being self-employed means you take the work when you can. The only time self-employed people typically turn down work is when there already fully booked!

Besides, most people, whether self-employed or not, can't take three weeks of holiday in one go anyway. OP's expectations of having him around throughout August were unrealistic to start with, imo.

JacquesHammer · 23/01/2020 11:59

He probably thought OP would understand that being self-employed means you take the work when you can. The only time self-employed people typically turn down work is when there already fully booked!

So he can’t relate to rotas, but the OP has to be mindful of his working pattern.

It would be most sensible with one who has set breaks and one who doesn’t to sit down and discuss wouldn’t it?

FilledSoda · 23/01/2020 12:36

My dh and I are both self employed and with the exception of the odd weekend away we haven't had a holiday in 15 years .
We don't mind, this is the life we chose. A fortnight off halves our monthly income so holidays are expensive in ways you might not have thought of .
Being self employed is a lifestyle.
I guarantee he is taking time off around his business needs and isn't just picking a week at random .
He might get frustrated that you are unable to take off during term time as well .
You should definitely go on holiday on your own though , that would be fantastic. You can do anything you want and be completely selfish . Is there a city you'd love to explore ?

TheSoapyFrog · 23/01/2020 12:51

Is it at all possible he thought school holidays started earlier in July than he realised which is why he's taken it off?
If I were you i wouldn't worry too much about it and book myself a fabulous holiday

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/01/2020 12:53

Yup mate.. He just won't...

If he's been self employed successfully and long enough... It should not be an issue taking all of August off.... Plenty of self employed people do....

Or can he bring his August work forward into July....

adaline · 23/01/2020 13:00

Being self employed is a lifestyle.

That's so true and I think if you have a job where you're employed with paid sick leave, paid holidays etc. you don't realise that.

DH only went self-employed six months ago and it changed a lot. He's had to be much more flexible - he often works late or has to go in at weekends to get jobs finished. But the advantage of his attitude and flexibility is that he's currently booked up for work for the next six months straight and he gets paid good money for what he does.

However that has restrictions. He tends to just work Monday-Friday but it means he can't take holidays whenever he want. He sometimes has to cancel days off to finish projects and his work can be affected by the weather. We do book holidays and he is good at taking time off but it comes at a price. He loses a week of pay as well as the cost of the holiday.

Considering he can earn upwards of £1000 a week, a £300 deal in a holiday cottage suddenly becomes 5-6 times more expensive when you factor in the lost wages.

adaline · 23/01/2020 13:00

Or can he bring his August work forward into July....

Yeah, if only life was that easy!

HugeAckmansWife · 23/01/2020 13:08

Given that the op hasn't returned to answer the many relevant questions about his ability or otherwise to shift work round, this seems a bit pointless. However, to the pp who asked about the nature of the relationship, I see my dp about 2x a week, he doesn't stay over when my kids are there. We've been on one holiday together plus numerous weekends away without the kids. We've been together 3 years but have no plans to live together or blend families. It suits us both to be at arms length. Relationships don't have to be a certain way or they're' wrong'.

cologne4711 · 23/01/2020 13:13

Or can he bring his August work forward into July

My work comes in when it comes in, and needs doing then. I may know I have a few things to do and can put off a couple until next week but generally I have to complete my jobs within 24-48 hours. And I don't know what is coming next except that it is highly likely that August will be quiet (and July will not be, up until English school holidays start).

IndecentFeminist · 23/01/2020 13:15

The OP does say he can definitely pick and choose. Given they are in a long term relationship I would assume she knows more accurately his position.

adaline · 23/01/2020 13:23

The OP does say he can definitely pick and choose.

So can my DH, but only what work he takes on. If something needs doing in August then that's when it needs doing!

He works in the building trade as a plasterer and tiler. He can only do his job when the previous people have done theirs - he can't just bring it forward or push it back because he'd like to go on holiday!

I don't think the people who are buying the homes he's working on would be too happy with him doing that

JosefKeller · 23/01/2020 14:17

DP’s job is very very cool but is freelance. So obviously that trumps teaching.

who said it "trumps" teaching?
Realistically he gets offered a lucrative contract, he takes it! Why wouldn't he?

Why don't you chose to become a supply teacher and become flexible on your own contracts? You probably have very good reasons not to, so there you go.

Flip

1 2 3 4