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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kill DP for giving July off?

87 replies

Goingawayistricky · 22/01/2020 21:53

I teach, DP is self employed. I have sole care of the children from a previous relationship . We don’t live together but we are very long term.

He has always worked a bit over school summer holidays, meaning I don’t really get to enjoy the one real perk of teaching with him. Fair enough , I do my own thing with the kids usually which is fine but expensive. Obviously I can’t get holiday at other times like regular jobs, whereas he absolutely can pick and chose work.

This year is especially annoying, as weirdly all the children are away for three weeks in summer holidays. Basically that’s a fabulous opportunity we rarely get.
DP’s job is very very cool but is freelance. So obviously that trumps teaching. He will have weeks of time off and then a couple of lucaruitive jobs booked, He can’t relate to rotas and set time off despite the whole point of the six week holiday

I am building a patio because he has just sent me his work dates and informed me happily he’s free “ all of July”. Great.Grrrrrr The month every teacher is counting down. But busy all August. My child free, paid long holiday.

Do so either potter around, or spend a fortune on a holiday for one, or buy hungry pigs for the back garden.

OP posts:

Berrymuch · 23/01/2020 06:21

In fairness a lot of jobs are a nightmare to get time off in August as everyone with children seems to want them, so even in a 'normal' job he likely wouldn't have a huge chunk of August off. Freelance you often have to take what you can get. Find something that you want to do.

EnidBlyton · 23/01/2020 06:43

Did he get confused?

BlackCatSleeping · 23/01/2020 06:44

I agree that it is still a fabulous opportunity. I’d love 3 weeks without kids. I’d be off traveling like a shot, but it seems that while your DP is happy just to holiday alone or with friends, that you aren’t, so I’d question whether you are compatible or not.

dottiedodah · 23/01/2020 07:03

Maybe you could stay with friends for a few days ?.Days out on your own may be better than they sound . Why not chill at home as well lots of nice food you like ,Choccie of course ,lie ins and long hot baths ! Get to read a few good books and watch a good film .Maybe even treat yourself to the cinema /lunches out .That little village a little way away youve always wanted to visit!

mrsbyers · 23/01/2020 07:04

Travelling for work is not a holiday and you’re not being fair to say he doesn’t need a holiday - he probably needs it more because of those trips and or time to chill at home

Clymene · 23/01/2020 07:06

Everyone knows when school summer holidays are. But for freelancers, they're often the busiest periods!

Copperleaves · 23/01/2020 07:09

If he can't help it that's not his fault but it doesn't sound like he cares much either.
Go away yourself OP and maybe you will meet someone more bothered on your holiday.

herbie01 · 23/01/2020 07:11

Have you have you actually spoken to him about holidays and trying to co-ordinate time off together, to see if there is any flexibility in his booked jobs schedule?

MiddleClassProblem · 23/01/2020 07:18

You have over a week off together. The only person who is likely to have time off for the school holidays guaranteed is someone else who works term time only.

HTH

Good luck with the patio.

Hollyhead · 23/01/2020 07:23

Just go as soon as school finishes, or holiday in May half term?

Branster · 23/01/2020 07:27

You’ll have plenty of child free holidays once the kids grow up, you’ll be surprised how fast time goes.
He is self employed, he needs to get the work as it comes in.
You are a grownup and unless you can’t travel alone for health reasons, there’s nothing stopping you to go away on your own if you absolutely must have a holiday away from home this summer.
I don’t actually see why you are so upset about it.

overnightangel · 23/01/2020 07:28

So you’re unhappy that you have a full week off with your partner and 3 weeks off all to yourself?

Come back when you’ve something to moan about

c75kp0r · 23/01/2020 07:31

RE "He doesn’t need a holiday away as he’ll do New York, Sydney and Hong Kong after May half term" . Unless he is flying business class and has a rest day in each place, I'd say that travel for work is far from "a break".

Straycatstrut · 23/01/2020 07:34

This must be so stressful with so many couples jobs/holidays.

Single parent, I'm taking mine to a Haven this year and my parents are coming! I couldn't cope with them on my own on holiday the ages they are (7 & 3) I struggle at home!

Could you go with friends & their kids? Grandparents?

OverByYer · 23/01/2020 07:34

You will have the last week of July off together. Do something then.

cologne4711 · 23/01/2020 07:37

I am freelance and I have to take my holidays when I can fit around work so I don't think he's being unreasonable.

Also don't get the issue with July, don't you finish around 20th so you'll have 1.5 weeks off together?

BlackWhitePurple · 23/01/2020 07:38

I'm in a similar situation to him; my DH is a teacher and I'm freelance. It's frustrating because DH has only ever known long summer holidays- he doesn't understand that the rest of us don't have that, and he doesn't understand why I can't just take the time off when he's off.

Likewise, he doesn't understand that people who work in offices etc can't just have holidays when they want. He's never come across the concept of needing to book holidays and that it has to be done in advance.

You need to sit down and have a good chat about it, and see if you could compromise- maybe if he's travelling for work, you could join him for a week afterwards? Or go and entertain yourself during the day?

averythinline · 23/01/2020 07:39

He sounds really selfish... not sure he really sees you as in a relationship, although teh degree of selfishness depends

If he's picked that time - eg scheduled work around it to give Himself time off

or if thats the way his contracts run.....

if 2 he seems quite selfish/thoughtless on how he's announced it to you ....my dh freelances and he would have been more.... bugger I cant get this work to match with yours...maybe we can squeeze some days at the end of July- he would be actively trying to make time together a priority..

if 1 - I woud be seriously re evaluating our relationship.....holidays are important to me I love travelling/spending time with DH - I like travelling on my own to but it sounds like he's not that bothered about spending time with you...

as they say look at what people do not what they say....it appears he's not that into you......or doesnt see your relationship in the same way as you..

goodgodingovan · 23/01/2020 07:42

Maybe he likes his own space and doesn't want to have a full month off with you?
Maybe it wasn't possible for him to schedule his work any other way.
You'll have a week and a half off together (according to pp) at the end I

goodgodingovan · 23/01/2020 07:42

End of July. Maybe he thinks that's enough for a holiday.

Posted too soon

MrsStrangerThing · 23/01/2020 07:47

Given that you don't live together anyway, he probably doesn't really realise exactly what dates your children are off school? Did you actually give him exact dates and discuss booking a holiday? If not, I really don't see how its his fault. He has to take work when he can get and no doubt doesn't want to turn down work in August when he already has a big window in July. Honestly, this wouldn't bother me at all with a DP. Different with my DH as we have to work out holidays to cover childcare, so rarely are off together, like pretty much every couple I know.

SophieSong · 23/01/2020 07:51

Do you normally holiday together in the summer with the kids?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/01/2020 07:58

Why are people saying that he's selfish? Just because he can't fit into the ops timetable doesn't make him selfish.

How many times can she not fit into his schedule because of her work or the children? Would that make her selfish? What's the difference? It's just that they have different work patterns. It isn't being selfish.

Techway · 23/01/2020 08:01

I think it depends on how he approaches this. Does he show some empathy for your upset or is he superficial about your concern.

I think you are thinking of your relationship and the opportunity to invest over summer and it hasn't figured in his thinking. That could be oversight or how he tends to put himself first.

Puppybum · 23/01/2020 08:06

DH has always worked in a factory he only gets the same two weeks off in the summer, the most expensive two weeks. I really don't know where teachers get the idea that people can take holidays whenever! But then again teachers always think they are special

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