"Do you have enough room in your car?"

[mummumumumumumum]

I was unwell last week and one of the mums from school noticed that another mum (that I know well) was taking my children to school for me.

The mum messaged me and said she could pick my children up because it's on her way and the other mum was going out of her way to come to my house.

I asked her if she had enough room for 3 more children.

She said yes.

Did I mean.. Can you fit my children I'm your car without seatbelts or do you have enough seat/seatbelts in your car??

She took 6 children in a 5 seater car.
Aibu by not being happy about it?
Should I say something,she's asking me if we want to take turns.
I might just say that I don't have room for 6 children in my 5 seater car and see what she says.
I know she did me a favour but I checked she had room before I agreed and I would have rather walked up seriously ill than put my children in that situation.

Just say 'No, sorry. I'm very particular about car seats, and they don't all fit in either of our cars.'

No need to make a deal of it.

YANBU

I would and have made a big deal about this. It's unsafe and illegal.

Be as upfront as you like. "Thank you for your offer, however it turns out you don't have room for my 3 as you don't have enough seat belts, so you taking my DC isn't safe nor going to work."

DDs aged 13 has 3 friends that used to go to an evening club with her. I collect all 3 and take with my LO in car to the club (5 seat belts). Mum2 picked up for return home. Dad3 started alternating weeks on the late pick ups home arranged with Mum2. Later it transpired Dad3 started collecting his adult son as well from late work on way home when picking girls up but only had 4 seat belts, so "the girls" in back varied between them who sat in middle at back without any seat belt (+ also found out sonofDad3 smoked in car when girls were in it)
Mum2 didn't seem to see it as a deal breaker. I did. I said no. No seat belt, no travel. Smoking in car, no travel.
On the weeks Mum2 couldn't pick up for home , my DD didn't go, I didn't take any of the girls.
So effectively my DD started going fortnightly instead and so did other girls, unless Mum2 was doing the pick up home.
(There were childcare reasons I struggled to do late night pick-ups for home and why Mum2 couldn't do earlier collect and take theres)

I was polite and resolute, that my DD was not being driven in a car with not enough seat belts for the number of passengers (or smoking)

I agree with picklemepopcorn.

Just say you didn't realise there weren't enough seats/belts for all the children and that you don't want to risk it again.

You don't have to argue with her about what's already happened. It won't do any good. Surely she knows it's illegal and unsafe, and now you know that she's comfortable taking that risk, so you know not to trust her with driving your children again.

No car seat/seat belt (depending on height/age), no lift unless it's an emergency.

Bloody hell I'd be furious if not only were my kids not in car seats but clearly two of them can't have even had a seat belt on - there's only 4 seats for kids in a 5 seater car.

I think I'd be direct and say there's no way you'd have let her collect your kids if you'd known they weren't going to be in a seat with with a seat belt on, so it's not something you'd ever repeat.

I can't believe some people still do this in the UK tbh.

Yes agree with previous posters. Thanks for the offer but you don't have enough seat-belts for all of the children. End of.

Once or twice I was asked to pick up an extra child in a five seater car. So 5 children. I always explained only 5 seats so two childen would have to sit tight and share a seat belt. My DC are grown up now

I think our cohort of mums was the generation who sat in the boots of large estate cars with 7 other chidren and two dogs. It was also London and generally slow moving traffic.

WillLokireturn You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

My experience is the opposite. I have a teenage daughter. She and her friends are obsessive about wearing seat belts because they've never known any different. The only people I know who don't want to wear seat belts are elderly people who insist that no one needed seat belts in their day, and 6 children piled in the back seat was fine and they're all here to tell the tale. Not all elderly people obviously, just some of them. But honestly I've never known anyone under the age of about 40 to resist wearing a seat belt.

@Bigballer69
Most cars these days have a visual on the dashboard so you can see why seatbelts are plugged in.
Also I dont see why teenagers wouldnt strap themselves in, just because they're teens doesn't make them idiots. When I was a teen I dont remember any of my friends not using a seatbelt. Maybe its changed and it's not cool now... or maybe you're making a wide generalisation.

I’ve never known a young person not use a seat belt; they’ve not known anything else in their lifetime.

I have three of my own: 32, 21 and 19, and we have ferried many friends about over the years.

BigbalIer69 : WillLokireturn You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.
I'm not delluded. Teens didn't like it, hence their reporting it to me and how they worried but felt unable to say to other parent, as wanted to get home.
Think you're making sweeping generalisations that are probably not true for majority modern teens. There will always be the odd (group) of outliers.
Anyway, OP's DC are younger.

You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

Everyone who rides in my car wears a seatbelt. I've never had anyone refuse.

I dont know anyone who gets in my cat and doesnt wear a seatbelt. I havent had to tell anyone to do it for years.

And yes I do know. My car is a new car and tells you if someone is in the seat and doesnt have a seatbelt on.

Modern cars make it a sensory nightmare to anyone refusing to wear a seat belt, all those flashing lights and alarms. You'd be driven mad within 30 seconds of setting off if you didn't buckle up.

She was driving them around with one without a seat belt? Bloody hell - I’ve been upset enough when I’ve discovered someone has driven my 8 year old without a car seat!

How many children does the woman have? Because surely if she has 2/3 you'd know she doesn't have enough seats?

You need to take some responsibility here.

If have kicked off big time if somebody even considered driving without my child being properly secured.

WillLokireturn You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

The adult sitting in the drivers seat surely keeps the car stationary until the teens have put them on? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yanbu at all OP it's baffling on MN there are hysterics about allowing a child under 6 to be forward facing on one thread then on another 'we all survived being in the boot of a volvo' yeah because it didn't actually crash 🙄

What? Saying that teens won't wear seatbelts?? I have a teen and she does automatically and I've never had to remind any of her friends either and I do a fair bit of ferrying around

As the driver you should wait until everyone has the seatbelt on.

I would assume in the OPs case that none of the kids had a seatbelt on bat the one in the front as they would have had to be squished in so 3 of the 5 putting on a belt wouldn’t have worked

@GiveHerHellFromUs I have a people carrier and can fit 7 people in my car in seat belts and car seats

My car makes pinging noises unless all seatbelts are done up so yes, teenagers do wear seatbelts.

I find they are quite pedantic about it actually

OhTheRoses I am of a similar age and DC to yours .Never thought a good idea for children to travel without a seatbelt TBH. Even less keen on sharing /travelling in the back of an estate car .Slow moving or not no protection at all if someone drove into the back of them!

You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

I agree that the reality is that they do so automatically. The one and only time I have ever had a problem with this with a friend of DS's, I simply said the car wasn't going to move till he was strapped in, and the other kids weighed and told him not to be a dickhead. It took him all of 10 seconds to give in.