"Do you have enough room in your car?"

[mummumumumumumum]

I was unwell last week and one of the mums from school noticed that another mum (that I know well) was taking my children to school for me.

The mum messaged me and said she could pick my children up because it's on her way and the other mum was going out of her way to come to my house.

I asked her if she had enough room for 3 more children.

She said yes.

Did I mean.. Can you fit my children I'm your car without seatbelts or do you have enough seat/seatbelts in your car??

She took 6 children in a 5 seater car.
Aibu by not being happy about it?
Should I say something,she's asking me if we want to take turns.
I might just say that I don't have room for 6 children in my 5 seater car and see what she says.
I know she did me a favour but I checked she had room before I agreed and I would have rather walked up seriously ill than put my children in that situation.

My car was written off in an accident earlier this year. We were hit by an old lady who had a "funny turn". I had other people's teens in the car as well as my DD. All of us were wearing seat belts so all of us escaped with relatively minor injuries. Anybody thinking about allowing passengers not to wear seat belts is insane. You cannot predict what other road users might do and having to call another parent to say their child has been in a crash is not something I ever want to do again.

I once found out that a friend had put her child without a car seat so mine could sit in it. I felt awful and said she should have called me.

I would be so angry if someone drive my children around unsafely.

I always taught DC from when they were tiny that they always had to wear a seatbelt as it sadly wasn’t reliable enough to assume that other parents were strapping them in. Once a mum tried to sit DD in the middle of the back seat without a seatbelt and DD actually said “My mummy says I always have to wear a seatbelt” so then the mum swapped seats and put her own DD in the middle without a seatbelt.

@Bluewall yes obviously people have big cars but surely if OP knows this mom well enough for her to have her phone number she'll know what car she drives?

• @Bluewall yes obviously people have big cars but surely if OP knows this mom well enough for her to have her phone number she'll know what car she drives?*

Really? I’ve known my best friend for 40 years and know most things about her - I have no idea what car she drives or how many seats it has - all I could tell you about it is that it’s black. Lots of people don’t know this level of info about cars and would rely on the driver to drive legally.

Or the family could have two cars, one big enough and one not, and you don't know which one she'd be driving.

I would make this a massive deal. It's unsafe and ridiculous for anyone to drive in a car without seat belts.
This is

This is probably putting but I once worked in an ED. Family brought in after a nasty crash. 4 children in the back, 3 seat belts. The family's "usual practice" was for the children to take it in turns not to use a seat belt. The child not using the seat belt that day went through the windscreen and died at the scene. The others all survived, one of the adults with significant injuries, the others with almost nothing.
If anyone didn't belt up in my car I would go nowhere.

@BigbalIer69 - You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

I have driven, and continue to drive, a lot of teenagers around the place (3 dc aged 16-21 and we live out the country). I don't think I have ever had a teenager get into my car and not strap themselves in. I very occasionally tell them to hurry up if they pause with the belt in hand while making an "important" point in an animated conversation (multi-task, for god's sake).

It is not the 1980s, when we all used to pile in without worrying about seatbelts, or even seats - boot, footwell all fine. There are good reasons behind the regulations about seatbelts. They save lives. YANBU.

Do you know that she didn’t have car seats and the correct amount of seats, or are you presuming that because you know the make of her car?
I ask because my car is a 7 seater. I have something called a multimac car seat, which enables me to turn the back row of two seats into four seats, with car seats suitable for children aged 0-12 years with different attachments. It is on my car insurance, has passed the highest standard safety tests in Sweden and is perfectly legal and safe. I’d be mortified if someone saw more than 2 children getting into the back row of my car and thought I was doing something illegal/dangerous.
I would ask her honestly if they all have a seat, as you thought she had a 5 seater. If she says no, just explain you aren’t comfortable with that. No need for it to be an issue.

You are deluded if you think that teenagers strap themselves in when sitting in the back.

All the teenagers that get in my car automatically strap themselves in without me even having to ask. Today's teens have all been brought up in a "seatbelts are mandatory" world, so they have had this drilled into them since (literally) birth.

@WillLokireturn - Think you're making sweeping generalisations that are probably not true for majority modern teens. There will always be the odd (group) of outliers.

I suspect you are experiencing the outliers, rather than the rest of us. If teens have been brought up to wear their seatbelt, then they will continue to do so. You still see the occasional adult without a seatbelt. Same with kids. However, they are very much in the minority.

OP - I have had this situation with one of my dc's friends. I just said that I was a bit fussy about seat belts. The parent respected this and only ever offered a lift if they could fit the kids in properly. It meant I did more of the driving but I was ok with that.

OP. You are quite right. There is no way I would drive anyone without the appropriate belts/seats.

@BigbalIer69. I have had teenagers occasionally fail to do up their seatbelts. One mum actually told me ‘He won’t wear it, he doesn’t like it’. My response is that I’ve been in a multi car pile up and seen the damage that can be done even with seat belts and the car will stay parked until everyone is strapped in. One comedian unstrapped himself while I was driving and I pulled in and we waited until he did it up again. I don’t doubt they think I’m a controlling pain in the ass but I would much rather be disliked that have an avoidable injury on my conscience.

It was very kind of her to offer regardless so I feel that it's important to acknowledge that and be grateful and pleasant. I would just say thank you so much but I feel that I need to have all of them in car seats/strapped in so not to worry.

My car pings too, really loudly. No seatbelts, then we just wait until everyone is plugged in. Not really an issue as I'd think everyones parents does it.

The only people I know who don't want to wear seat belts are elderly people who insist that no one needed seat belts in their day, and 6 children piled in the back seat was fine and they're all here to tell the tale.

Agree with Isabelle. My late BIL (who would have been 78 this year) thought nothing of putting extra children in the cargo space of his hatchback, with the dog! We never let him transport ours.

(The kids thought it was great, BTW)

I helped at a car crash a couple of years ago. The passenger in the middle seat in the back went through the windscreen and died at the scene. We had to break the screen to try to free her, whilst on the phone to emergency services, obviously following their instructions. It was horrific and nobody else was injured, only her because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

It’s not worth the risk...

There's a woman at school who did this for ages. She had a 7 seater, but had 5 kids of her own. She would routinely take 2 or 3 other children back for playdates, and the parents didn't know that there were more children than seats.

Someone reported her for having too many children in the car and the police stopped her. I understand that she had only her children in the car at the time, so no further action was taken, although she didn't have appropriate car seats for all her kids. She posted scornful stuff about the "haterzzz" all over facebook, but they did then buy a minivan, so some good came out of it.

I would never allow any of my children to travel in a car without a seatbelt (they're now past the age of needing a car seat). I also wouldn't countenance having more people than seatbelts.

Does anyone else remember the seatbelt ad where it said something like "Carl knew his killer". There was something to do with a pizza, and it was his mum who braked sharply and he was in the middle seat and went through the windscreen. It's always stuck with me. Simply not worth it.

I once annoyed another school mother by refusing to take more children than I had seats for, but would never ever take anyone without a seatbelt and (if needed) an appropriate car seat.

My attitude is no doubt coloured by the fact that about 30 years ago I knew someone who died in a car crash. She was sitting in her middle of the backseat and had no seatbelt. Everyone else in the car had a seatbelt and survived the crash.

I remember that ad, Pheasantplucker.

And there was another dreadful one (I think) where a strapped-in person died because and unstrapped one went into them and crushed their skull.

Last week someone on a FB group I'm on asked for a lift home from somewhere - 3 of them - and my first thought was that 3 extra people would not fit in most cars! Particularly for the school run, as there will be the driver and at least one other child so you'd need at least a 5 seater to make it possible.

I wouldn't be happy with the lack of a seatbelt for a regular pre-arranged lift either, OP.

I agree with the many PP that have said that teens (all children, actually) always belt up because it's all they have ever known!

Being an old gimmer I predate compulsory seatbelts and have childhood memories of many kids being rammed into cars to get us somewhere so I know it is possible, but times have moved on.

@SpotlessMind if you've known your best friend for 40 years you presumably don't see her at school drop off every single day and won't have seen her come to your house to collect your children...

She shouldn't have offered a lift if she didn't have the correct number of seats and car seats. It's not a lift if some children are not safely strapped in, it's Russian Roulette to see who dies if there is an accident.

I am 46yo and always strap in but I find attitudes differ from country to country. We recently traveled in Germany, using a lot of taxis and Ubers, and none of them would have taken us with an 8yo and a 5yo without car seats (we had ours with us and some taxis had boosters or amazing gadget back seats that turned into boosters at a touch of a button).

At the same time we live in France and three other school parents have driven DD around without a car seat even though I left one with them and explicitly said I want it used (none of them are having DD again). At school pick up you can see that very few parents use car seats for anyone other than babies and about 50% don't use seat belts at the back - it's the middle ages. Two, particularly innovative, parents pop their DCs in car seats but without seat belts because apparently the children do not like them.

It's a similar story in Greece were my DM practically burst into tears at the thought of me putting newborn DD in a car seat instead of holding her during car journeys. Apparently I shouldn't wake her up by transferring her over (ironically this is the woman who did CIO from day one!).

I can only conclude that people are really, really stupid.