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AIBU?

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Original poster

That my other half remains a 15 year old child

82 replies

Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:02

So I've been with dp for 10 years, 3 kids and multiple ups and downs. The one thing he hasn't stopped is fucking off secretly (as in going to the toilet Nd coming back the next morning) I thought once we had bought our house and settled he would change... Yes I know he hasn't and never planned to, the fact is that I've realised that now. So how do I.... As an unmarried mother of 3 kids, living in my Partner of 10 years bought house approach this without losing everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:03

There is a lot more to this story but don't want to drip feed x

OP posts:
Pandaintheporridge · 19/10/2019 01:03

Say a bit more about what he does that is upsetting you? Don't really understand the toilet bit!

pallisers · 19/10/2019 01:04

why is only his name on the house?

steff13 · 19/10/2019 01:04

I'm sorry, what is he doing?

Is your name on the house? Do you work?

apacketofcrisps · 19/10/2019 01:05

He goes to the toilet? Eh?

usersouthcoast · 19/10/2019 01:05

I reckon he needs a GP appointment

TwoIsNotBetterThanOne · 19/10/2019 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 19/10/2019 01:06

He goes to the toilet? Eh?

I read it as he was going to the toilet next door and not coming back until morning. But that doesn't make sense. 🤷

ShippingNews · 19/10/2019 01:06

I can't get my head around why you'd have three children in 10 years with a man who behaves like this. Why on earth did you think that buying a house would make him change ? You've been living in la la land .

Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:06

No Im a stay at home mother since we had our youngest, (hoping to make use of my degree when he starts pre school at 3) X

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:07

Honestly he goes through stages where he is absolutely perfect, and these stages can last for years. I honestly thought he had grew up, I obviously was wrong

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 01:08

If it’s his house, you need to stop thinking things like “we bought our house”, for a start.

You’re lulling yourself halfway into a false sense of security.

Do you work? Earn well? What are your prospects for housing yourself and the DC?

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 01:08

X post. What’s your degree in?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 19/10/2019 01:09

He goes to the toilet and comes back the next day? Where is the toilet? Confused

Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:09

He does by the way earn more than enough to support us, we moved recently... Away from my family ( I know a red flag) I just want to know where I stand if he decides to come back in the morning when I have now given up all fucks for him

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 19/10/2019 01:09

So he says he's going to the toilet then leaves the house and doesn't come back til the next morning?

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 01:09

When you say he remains 15yo, is that how old you were when you got together? You’re both 25 now?

Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:10

My degree is in forensic psychology, it was for me to get a bit of freedom, seems funny now

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:11

No we are both reaching 30 x

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 01:11

just want to know where I stand if he decides to come back in the morning when I have now given up all fucks for him

Worst case scenario he can kick you out if your name’s not on the house.

Can you rewind and try telling us the whole story?

He says he’s going to the loo (in your house?) but sneaks off gallivanting all night?

Mammyloveswine · 19/10/2019 01:13

Wtf? Op you say you don't want to drip feed but you need to give more details/context.

What do you mean he's "going to the toilet nd and not returning?

Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:14

I have went through a shit few years and in tears writing this. My anxiety stops me seeing my friends, I look like an arsehole. The one person I need is him and he just takes off like that. I left my private rented house (we had together but I was main name) now if I leave h I have nothing.

OP posts:
steff13 · 19/10/2019 01:16

I'm still not sure what he's actually doing. However, the fact is that you don't have a lot of recourse here. If you want to leave the relationship I'd start looking for work ASAP.

Original poster
Loopydizzylove · 19/10/2019 01:17

Sorry. I'll give as much info as I can.... Example... A Friday night getogether with family.... All going well, dp will say he is going to the toilet.... Not appear again until at least 10am next day... Me and dp family are close, they don't know why the fuck I put up with it but as naive as I sound, I do think he is capable of change, just not with me

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 19/10/2019 01:17

I can only see two options really:

A - Put up and shut up for the sake of living in a nice house.
B - LTB and make a new, independent life for yourself.

Do you have a DD? Imagine she has grown up and she is telling you her DP is like this. What would you tell her to do?

Do you feel able to tell us a little more about things? Do you think he is going to someone else's toilet?