To not want birth control?

[DamonSalvatoresDinner]

I made the decision over two years ago that after 20+ years (less 4 pregnancies) of taking birth control in various ways, I was quitting and sacking off suffering the side effects and it was now DH's turn.

He's got two choices, condoms or a quick snippity snip. Sadly he doesn't want to do either and as I don't want an sexless marriage, he's been using the "method" of withdrawal. He says no more kids and I'd be fine with another so BC is on him now.

So I received a call from the doctors yesterday. Receptionist was asking if I could come in for an appointment tomorrow as I'm on long term oxtetracycline (an antibiotic that is only not recommended in the second half of a pregnancy, long after I would be aware of pregnancy) and I'm not on birth control myself. Apparently the doc wants me on some. Surely as a woman nearing 40, not taking BC or having something inserted inside me is a perfectly acceptable choice?

I'm thinking I might take hubby along so he can discuss HIS birth control options and leave me out of all that.

Surely as a woman nearing 40, not taking BC or having something inserted inside me is a perfectly acceptable choice?

It would be, if you weren’t also practising a method of birth “control” that is likely to end up in pregnancy AND at the same time taking medication contraindicated in pregnancy.

YABU

It’s your body, your choice. The doctor can (and should) advise, but the choice is yours and yours alone. Don’t be co-erced, but do think things through.

The medication is only an issue after 4+ months of pregnancy. Plenty of time to stop taking it or change to something else in event of unexpected pregnancy.

I've had doctors ask me almost every time if I am or there's a chance I could currently be pregnant before prescribing various medications, but never has birth control been required to be allowed a medication.

Yabvu

I would imagine that your doctor would not wish you to be on the medication at any stage of pregnancy, just to be on the safe side.

If the prescribing doctors in the past could see that you were already on birth control from your file, perhaps that’s why the subject has not previously been raised?

Or perhaps there are new guidelines? You won’t know until you speak to him/her.

YANBU. Your body, your choice. It sounds like you have thought it through and I disagree with all this police-ing of women's bodies.

Women are fertile until 50+

Yanbu to not want to be on any hormonal birth control. It isn't for everyone.
Unfortunately birth control is still seen very much as a woman's duty though.

you have potentially 10 more years of fertility. Your DH is being irresponsible. I get that you don't want a sexless marriage, so explain to your DH that any form of intimacy that risks pregnancy is off limits. So no PIV sex in short. Plenty of other stuff you can do.

YABVU unreasonable to be using such a shit method for preventing pregnancies. You’re talking about a possible life here, not a pizza. If your ‘D’H won’t step up then stop sleeping with him. He’ll soon reconsider!

Tetracycline, I believe causes teeth discolouration during second trimester onwards but is also teratogenic in earlier pregnancy.
You are risking a malformed foetus.

so explain to your DH that any form of intimacy that risks pregnancy is off limits

I think what’s preventing that is that OP is not averse to another child.

I agree with @StillWeRise
PIV sex is probably the thing DP and I do the least. We both enjoy it but there's so many other things to do and try and you might find new things to do as well.

That aside I don't think it makes your relationship sound amazing when you say you wouldn't mind another baby so you're leaving him to it. I know it's his responsibility too but it may breed resentment or lead to a split.

The doctor shouldn't try and force you take contraception either.

Please don't mistake our differing opinions on more kids for a bad or fragile relationship. We both love our kids and parent in equal measure but it has been discussed at length that I will no longer subject my body to hormonal birth control. I also don't want anything inserted into me by a doctor. DH respects my decision just as I... well... perhaps not respect as such, but begrudgingly accept his decision to not take his turn and get a vasectomy. (He would be happy for me to be surgically sterilised though)

He says no more kids and I say that's fine, you cannot and should not force someone to have a child but one more would be no issue for me. He is fully aware that any child conceived through his method of withdrawal would be accepted as a direct result. It's not something we would divorce over. Our family would just be one person bigger. He knows how babies are made.

My issue here is a doctor wanting to put me on birth control. Somehow it's an issue after two years of not being on any BC and over 5 years being on the antibiotic.

Just tell your doctor you don’t want the appointment because you have already decided not to take any form of birth control. Your body, your choice.

It just sounds like you're hoping to get pregnant tbh

All of this because your dh won't use condoms?

I didn't want to have more hormonal bc after kids and a bad mirena experience. So we use condoms.

Why have you accepted, offering him condoms or snip, he says I'll pull out, you say ok?

Another pregnancy is going to be way more upheaval hormonally etc than what you are avoiding.

You and your dh are both being irresponsible, using a fairly crap form of preventing pregnancy, while you are on a drug known to cause birth defects, and would want to keep any baby conceived.

That's not on, if i have understood correctly.

'DH respects my decision just as I... well... perhaps not respect as such, but begrudgingly accept his decision to not take his turn and get a vasectomy. (He would be happy for me to be surgically sterilised though)'

And he won't use condoms

And you are on a drug that is known to cause birth defects.

He sounds like a gem tbh.

It just sounds like you're hoping to get pregnant tbh

This!! What happens after you inevitably get pregnant and have another baby? Will you sort out a long-term solution then or are you just going to keep on producing more children?

Why have you accepted, offering him condoms or snip, he says I'll pull out, you say ok?

Absolutely this. You’re both being daft.

Just tell your doctor you don’t want the appointment because you have already decided not to take any form of birth control. Your body, your choice.

This.

'Can you come in about birth control . . . ?'

'No. I don't consent to that, I don't consent to using any form of female birth control. We are handling it as a couple. I don't consent to discussing this further.'

And keep using that word, 'consent'.

Personally I think you're an utter fool to continue having sex with such a selfish person who just wants to keep squirting away like a teenage boy with no regard for your health. That would turn me off.

The doctor has to do job.
This drug is highly contraindicated with pregnancy, apparently.
So doc needs to check. At this point, no long term options for men. Bar snip. You are using withdrawal method. What do you want doc to do?

Trying to prevent predictable birth abnormalities seems like a reasonable thing for a doctor to do.

You say why don't they ask dh? Answer is same as yours. None really.

Get a diaphragm and use it with spermicide.

I know it's old-fashioned but it works far better than the withdrawal method does.

timshel because then doc is perfectly reasonable in switching op to a different drug. Which would be fair enough. Don't think op wants that though.

Doc cannot in good conscience prescribe a drug which is known to cause birth defects, to a woman he is not confident won't get pregnant.

This is a good thing. All this your body your choice stuff, I'm as feminist as they come, but this isn't it. You don't get to have drugs on nhs that cause birth defects and be cavalier about contraception.