To not want birth control?

[DamonSalvatoresDinner]

I made the decision over two years ago that after 20+ years (less 4 pregnancies) of taking birth control in various ways, I was quitting and sacking off suffering the side effects and it was now DH's turn.

He's got two choices, condoms or a quick snippity snip. Sadly he doesn't want to do either and as I don't want an sexless marriage, he's been using the "method" of withdrawal. He says no more kids and I'd be fine with another so BC is on him now.

So I received a call from the doctors yesterday. Receptionist was asking if I could come in for an appointment tomorrow as I'm on long term oxtetracycline (an antibiotic that is only not recommended in the second half of a pregnancy, long after I would be aware of pregnancy) and I'm not on birth control myself. Apparently the doc wants me on some. Surely as a woman nearing 40, not taking BC or having something inserted inside me is a perfectly acceptable choice?

I'm thinking I might take hubby along so he can discuss HIS birth control options and leave me out of all that.

Christ just stop having sex. Tell your dh to take some responsibility or no sex and see how quickly he sorts himself out.

I think that's more than reasonable, if there is in fact an alternative. Of course, the other alternative is not to shag a selfish git who won't use a condom.

There's a couple of different issues here:

It's up to you not to want hormonal birth control. Your body and your choice.

Yours and DH's chosen method of so called contraception is a joke and it does sound very much like you're hoping you'll fall pregnant.

The medical staff have a clinical duty regarding medication they're prescribing, so as long as you are happy owning your choices (aka no I'm not on birth control and yes we are having unprotected sex) and the potential impact on your prescription then do what you want as consenting adults.

It just sounds like you're hoping to get pregnant tbh

No. I have clearly stated that whilst I would have no issue with another child I would not force one on DH. I would also be perfectly happy if DH had the snip or wore condoms.

As for the medication I've been looking online and from what I've seen it's teeth discolouration and bone development in the second half of pregnancy and the first trimester isn't known. It's antibiotic not thalidomide.

Why have you accepted, offering him condoms or snip, he says I'll pull out, you say ok?

I haven't simply accepted. I regularly tell him that it could cause pregnancy and he agrees but still believes it to be a suitable method. He knows and is willing to take that chance. Personally I think he's putting off taking action himself and is waiting for me to go through menopause.
He would not resent or give up on a 4th baby but my guess is he's have sore shins after the swift kick he'd have to give himself.

I'm not wanting to put a stop to sex because a) I enjoy sex and b) he's very meh on the subject. The last time I stopped initiating we went almost two years without it. His drive has increased a bit over the years but I would still hate for us to let it go by the wayside again.

No. I have clearly stated that whilst I would have no issue with another child I would not force one on DH. I would also be perfectly happy if DH had the snip or wore condoms
You're (as a couple) having unprotected sex. I'm afraid it's hard to get on board with the idea that a couple knowingly having regular unprotected sex don't want a baby.

If neither of you wanted a baby then you'd both be making better contraception decisions, namely by using contraception

I think looking at the opinions here on whether or not my medication is dangerous to a foetus, I will go into my appointment not to discuss different methods of birth control but to discuss different medications that will replace my current one.

And I'll be taking some leaflets on vasectomies home too.

I hate to break it to you but after the Menopause you may find that you need a coil fitting and hormonal therapy. The benefits of HRT is being discovered more and more.

Don't waste what could be this last decade of sex without lube etc. That's if you retain a sex drive.

Your DP needs to stop being a selfish prick and get the snip.

Just to let you know I didn't realise I was pregnant until 22 weeks and not my first baby either. I never thought I wouldn't know I was pregnant.

YANBU. Why is the spotlight always on you?! People love to fixate about women doing the birth control, it takes 2 to tango. I would be more firmly enforcing the condom or neutering rule. You will see the rough end of it way more than him

Gosh don't risk having sex without a contraceptive. You're likely to get pregnant which you say is not your plan, so take action. I agree it's his turn if you've had enough birth control. Vasectomy or condoms or no piv sex.

Your DP needs to stop being a selfish prick and get the snip.

I do agree. I am very frustrated by the fact that we females are more often than not, expected to alter our bodies to prevent pregnancies, putting up with a multitude of side effects yet the impregnators are much less expected to take the responsibility of BC on themselves.

If DH wasn't so easy going about sex and was the type to be effected by a ban then I would consider it in order to push him getting the snip (call it coercion if you like) but as it's not, a sex ban would hurt me, not him.

We are the total opposite you you OP, after our fourth DC, DH got the snip and I’m on the mini pill to prevent horrendous PMT and painful periods. So we are belt and braces, very very little chance of pregnancy. And it’s fantastic, the freedom it gives you is amazing to have sex knowing there’s not even a small chance of getting pregnant it’s brill.

Sorry but I would be getting my DH to man up and use condoms if he won’t get the snip.

If it’s only contraindicated from month 4 onwards - I don’t see what the problem is.

You must know that the withdrawal method is crap, you are playing with fire here. Tell him he must have the snip. There is a good chance you will be back on MN in a few weeks telling us you are pregnant again!

Can't you do things other than PIV sex though? Is it possible his sex drive has gone again and he's hoping for a sex ban?

If not then You're both planning a baby. Sex without any form of contraception is what ttc is.

If neither of you are apparently that fussed about another baby then what's the issue? You are perfectly entitled to not use any contraception if you don't want to, but the same applies to your husband.

If you’re actively risking getting pregnant, your GP is correct to want to discuss being on a risky medication.

Your DH sounds like an absolute wanker though.

Christ just stop having sex. Tell your dh to take some responsibility or no sex and see how quickly he sorts himself out.

But OP states she doesn't want a sexless marriage! Why should a woman give up her sex kids because the DH can't take responsibility ?

Well he has her over a barrel then doesn't he? Doesn't care if she has to take hormonal contraceptives, doesn't care if they have a baby, doesn't care if they don't have sex. Perhaps she should find someone to have sex with who does care about something and takes responsibility for himself.

Totally your choice, as long as you stop using the pull-out method. That does not count as birth control.

Wow. There really are some pathetic, sub-standard men out there, aren't there?

I see it as this.
You don’t care if you have another baby
He does
Therefore his responsibility as long as he’s fully aware you’re on nothing

And nobody can force you to be on contraception

He’s an arse. Why are you having sex with him???? Condoms, vasectomy or nothing. What a pussy not wanting to get one but happy for you to be sterilised. I’d not allow him near me again.

To paraphrase a saying on here, you don't have a doctor problem, you have a dh problem.

It would not be acceptable for your GP to compel or pressure you to take contraception, of course, but the fact is you are (assuming typical fertility) fairly likely to become pregnant at some point.

Your dh is being utterly ridiculous (he is presumably ignoring the risks in the assumption that you will have a termination if/when something happens?) and this attitude would worry me in its wider context.

I do wish people would stop calling withdrawal a 'method'. I can't imagine anything less methodical.