To not want birth control?

[DamonSalvatoresDinner]

I made the decision over two years ago that after 20+ years (less 4 pregnancies) of taking birth control in various ways, I was quitting and sacking off suffering the side effects and it was now DH's turn.

He's got two choices, condoms or a quick snippity snip. Sadly he doesn't want to do either and as I don't want an sexless marriage, he's been using the "method" of withdrawal. He says no more kids and I'd be fine with another so BC is on him now.

So I received a call from the doctors yesterday. Receptionist was asking if I could come in for an appointment tomorrow as I'm on long term oxtetracycline (an antibiotic that is only not recommended in the second half of a pregnancy, long after I would be aware of pregnancy) and I'm not on birth control myself. Apparently the doc wants me on some. Surely as a woman nearing 40, not taking BC or having something inserted inside me is a perfectly acceptable choice?

I'm thinking I might take hubby along so he can discuss HIS birth control options and leave me out of all that.

Can you tell the GP/receptionist that on your family, your DH is currently taking responsibility (I use the words lightly!) for contraception, and so they need to contact HIM to go in for an appt to discuss it? Maybe if he hears how serious it could be if you were to conceive, he'll wise up?

Why not ask for an alternative antibiotic, at least while you decide what the longer term solution to the contraceptive disagreement is. PPs scare ingesting about tetracycline isn't helpful - there are no studies in humans proving foetal harm (other than the possible damage to teeth at certain dosage in the later half of pregnancy) the supposition comes from studies in other animals. That said, if another antibiotic can be used it seems sensible to remove all possible risk imo.

That's the information I have also discovered but am happy to be corrected if PPs know better.

For what it's worth, I attended the appointment this morning. I discovered it was with a nurse and she was under the impression I had requested a contraception appointment.
It turns out it was a locum who had ordered it upon seeing my notes as a result of a repeat prescription request for another med I'm on (perfectly safe in pregnancy in case you're worried). My notes had my lack of birth control noted.

My own doctor hadn't had an issue and had been happy to continue issuing repeats for the past two years.

Nurse tried to push the coil but I said no and that I was happy to take vasectomy information back home to my husband (she refused this) and make an appointment to change my oxytetracycline instead. She tried a couple more times to get me to accept a coil but after watching a friend get rushed down to intensive care thanks to a coil caused infection it's just not for me. It's not me being "stubborn or making a point", I just don't want to. Reasons aren't needed.

The result is this:
I'm making an appointment for DH and I next week. One that I can get a change of medication and DH to discuss a vasectomy. He's a fantastic man in all respects but when it comes to this, yeah he's being a bit of a dick. He's very much a "head in the sand" type of guy and I genuinely don't think he realises that it's gonna bite him in the arse, putting off doing something about it. It doesn't help that his mum is horrified at the thought of him getting the snip and believes I should be sterilised. She doesn't want any more grandkids and DH is in his 40's so the "In case you split up and he wants a new family" reason doesn't fly either.

Why is your MIL even expressing her opinion on your contraception shooed?

And who gives a shiny shit if she's 'horrified' anyway?

It has absolutely nothing to do with her.

That's what I said when she said it. I told her that it's between DH and I so she needn't worry about it.

She made cats bum face but tbh I make her make that face quite often. It's just annoying that DH has a "back up" to his view that it should be me not him.

Sorry OP - I'd like to sympathise, but I can't. You make him sound worse with every post you write.

DH brought up getting a vasectomy himself, I said 'that'd be great', and he booked himself in - no fuss, no drama, no patheticness.

So I find it hard to imagine pandering to this absolute nonsense, let alone having an inkling as to what my MIL might think about it all.

... and you've had four pregnancies / childbirths. I've only had two.

Reasons aren't needed.

No, they aren't. The way they push that fucking coil would NEVER be accepted practice among men. Just not. I had it and it wound up getting lost. I needed to go to theatre to get it out and then they actually really, really tried to push me to get another fitted 'whilst we're in there'. They'd never do this to a man!

My DH had the snip. It's FA to do with his mother, why the fuck is he telling her anything?

I'd actually report the locum, it's okay to offer to make an appointment and tell you why and even to say you need an alternative drug, but it's not okay to make a contraceptive appointment for someone. That lack of consent is not appropriate.

And that includes your spouse. He has to consent to that before you make it.

YANBU.
The pull out method imho is very silly.
I myself will not take BC. My doctor is fully supportive of this and of course has mentioned I am now more fertile since having my DS 12 weeks ago. For me it was the risks associated with the pill I got given that I choose not to. (I am one of those people who reads the whole leaflet and do some research) of course not everyone will agree but it's my body and my choice. Saying that I do not have unprotected sex and my DP is supportive and understands why I don't want to take it.

I'd actually report the locum, it's okay to offer to make an appointment and tell you why and even to say you need an alternative drug, but it's not okay to make a contraceptive appointment for someone. That lack of consent is not appropriate.

I thought the same and the nurse thought so too. She was the one who explained it must have been the locum and she turned the computer and showed me it was written in my notes for reason of appointment. I would be perfectly happy for a prescription review! After all, my repeat has been saying review overdue for a while now but they've said it's fine, they'll let me know.

Aargh. Quick Update:

Had another appointment and doc couldn't find an alternative medicine but she wasn't too concerned. Did offer me the coil. I said no. I asked for 6 months of the pill and no more.

Made DH an appointment (with his consent) with the GP for a vasectomy referral.

His GP kept asking him if he was sure. (DH in his forties with three kids and happily married so a vasectomy isn't a crazy notion) and then tried to talk DH into perhaps me getting the coil instead. Please note, I was not at this appointment. I am someone else's patient so my contraception decisions are between me and my doc at MY appointments.

DH is now awaiting the referral for the snip and I still won't be getting the bloody coil.

Bloody hell OP you've born all the brunt of this sexist nonsense! Clearly your DP's body is a sacred temple that must never be messed with and you should just shut up and get the coil. Unbelievably sexist treatment.

Could it not be that the doctors are checking all other options have been considered before doing permanent contraception?
I known men and women who've been asked about alternative long acting contraception before getting the snip or their tubes tied. It doesn't seem unreasonable to check, given that people could be back later wanting things reversing.

How would the Dr know you aren't using condoms?

The wildest part of all of this is your acceptance of your husbands refusal to use any birth control. ridiculous.

The GP isn't trying to get you on birth control because you're a woman though. They want you on birth control due to the medication that you're taking. What's the point in telling them that your husband will use condoms or have a vasectomy when it's you on the medication?

Of course you have a choice but the choice might be to stop taking the medication if the GP refuses to prescribe it.

YANBU, at all. I've had this at the doctor's before. An absolute obsession with getting me onto birth control when it's fuck all to do with them. I told them I'd go on the pill just to get them to stop banging on, then didn't take it.

Do you know what, every time I go to the doctors these days I get interrogated about my contraception. I'm fucking sick of it. At 33 years old and with no learning difficulties I'm obviously aware of how babies are made. I'm also confident that our method, condoms, works for us - I've been shagging DH since I was 19 so if it was that much of a risk I think I'd have had a surprise by now. And yet every fucking time, whatever I go in for, I get this patronising bullshit as though I was a naughty teenager. DH is at the doctor's far more than I am due to an ongoing condition (which as it happens has meant a serious conversation about what parenthood would mean for him/us) and has been asked the same thing exactly never.

If you are reading this and are a GP, can you please just knock it off. You're making yourself sound like you're getting kick backs from your supplier and frankly it's making it difficult for me to take you seriously as a professional.

Sorry OP, I've gone on a bit of a rant there but you are not being remotely unreasonable.

Diaphragm is v good choice, can you still get at family planning? Pulling out together with rhythm method ok if not v fertile. Both rely on op being motivated and responsible. Gp targets you because you will get pregnant. Not fair. Dh can freeze sperm if he wants back up plan.
Frightening how they push medical intervention.

Stop being silly and tell him no PIV until he uses condoms. They’re fine.

You may have your opinion on the risk of the antibiotics. But you have no medical training so your opinion is irrelevant. Your doctor is just doing her job.

@Skysblue sorry you must have missed my update. It's just a couple of posts back.

My doctor wasn't concerned. It was a locum who made the contraceptive appointment.

"It's an antibiotic not thalidomide"

What a bloody stupid remark OP. The thought that someone could even contemplate risking a pregnancy while taking an antibiotic drug known to cause harm to a foetus is staggering. Sounds as though you and your hard of thinking oh are a perfect match.

Read your update.glad to hear better decisions are in the pipeline - so to speak

The antibiotic risk isn’t worth it OP. Tell him that his penis cannot enter you unless it has a condom wrapped around it. Please don’t run the risk, it doesn’t even make sense to. If he pointblank refuses condoms then that’s his own issue, looks like he’ll have to deal with hand jobs.

Nearing 40 ..

I started ttc around 40 and fell pregnant within 4 times of DTD, once each time, around the right time of the month.

Re withdrawal, some men do not have active sperm in pre ejaculate, some do. You would t know without putting it under a microscope.

Glad to hear your dp is now considering vasectomy; extremely selfish not to. Your mil is a dickhead who shouldn't know about let alone giving opinions on your method of contraception.

Oh and you should use condoms before the vasectomy.