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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very suspicious of this ....

76 replies

Homealonealways · 18/08/2019 03:34

DH travels ALOT with work. Not quite FIFO but not far off it. I get really, really lonely. Have a job, good circle of friends but no family - all these things are wonderful but not the same as being with your husband. DH has suggested me 'dating' if I'm lonely as long as I'm honest with him about it. I was devastated he would suggest such I thing. Was too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life, until I had one too many rose's yesterday and blurted it out to my best mate. Her immediate response was well clearly that's what he's doing then ....... he is working away this weekend and now I can't sleep for thinking about what the hell he is doing ........ Does he genuinely want me to date other men or just get a pass for himself?!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2019 03:36

I think your friend might be right.

Greeborising · 18/08/2019 03:39

Oh dear. Sorry op but he’s clearly shagging.
It sounds like he wants his cake etc etc
Do you want to live like this?!
Personally, I’d be gone.
Total lack of respect
Sorry

Alicewond · 18/08/2019 03:42

He does sound like he wants you to do so, to excuse what he’s already doing

OooErMissus · 18/08/2019 03:45

Yes it does sound as if that's exactly what he's doing.

Bit rich that he expects you to be honest about it, if you do it, but he isn't being... Hmm

MsDogLady · 18/08/2019 04:00

That is horrible, OP. It sounds like he’s pushing for an open marriage, and he’s already had a head start. If my husband said that to me, I’d tell him to not bother coming home from his weekend trip. And I’d mean it.

Loveislandaddict · 18/08/2019 04:02

Sorry, whats FIFO?

Are there any telltale symptoms that he’s playing away? Ie. Sudden interest in his appearance? Cagey with his phone?

Are you able to contact him when he is away fairly easily?

Any suspicious credit card entries?

It is a strange suggestion. Most people would say get a new hubby, meet up with friends xyz, not have a date!

Mileysmiley · 18/08/2019 04:33

He is either having a affair or he wants to have a three-some

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 04:36

Oh I would not be happy at ALL OP. I'd be very clear about this. I'd have to consider leaving.

Koalablue · 18/08/2019 04:37

Love is. It's fly in fly out. Common in the mining industry of australia.
He's cheating. Sorry.

Durgasarrow · 18/08/2019 04:38

Not a good sign, I am sorry to say.

Loveislandaddict · 18/08/2019 04:46

Sorry, hobby, not hubby.

Freudian slip?!

SimplySteveRedux · 18/08/2019 04:49

Tell him to FIFO - fit in or fuck off. He's clearly shagging around, you should tell him to fuck off. Make sure you get a STI test ASAP.

ifeelgreat · 18/08/2019 04:55

Can you get on to emails / social media?

rainbowstardrops · 18/08/2019 05:29

What an odd thing for a husband to tell his wife!
I'd ask him straight out if he was cheating on me

Yeahnahmum · 18/08/2019 05:33

Yup. I think your friend is right op
That was my first thought too....Hmm

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 18/08/2019 05:35

My DH has worked away practically all our married life. He would no longer still be married if he suggested that. Of course he is doing it for a free pass. What a massive twat.

Original poster
Homealonealways · 18/08/2019 05:52

Sorry FIFO, fly in fly out. He spends approximately 6 months a year away. We have seperate accounts so I have no access to what he is spending money on. He doesn't have social media and I don't know any of his passwords for his email etc. He can sometimes be hard to get hold off when he's away. His behaviour hasn't changed recently, no sudden different in him apart from this comment. I'm younger than him, maybe the novelty is wearing off now that I'm no longer the 'young wife'

OP posts:
proseccoaficionado · 18/08/2019 06:10

@Homealonealways So what are you getting out of this relationship?

Zoflorabore · 18/08/2019 06:19

This is all damage limitation to me op.

He's telling you to date someone as when you find out that he's doing the same ( which you no doubt sadly will ) he can say that he offered you the same choice.

No decent man would want another man near his precious wife. The thought of it would leave most men feeling sick to the stomach and yours is actually suggesting you do it.

He's telling you what he is. Listen to him.

Sorry op Flowers

YobaOljazUwaque · 18/08/2019 06:29

Sounds like he could well have another wife and family elsewhere. Did you watch Mrs Wilson?

Shoxfordian · 18/08/2019 06:31

It definitely sounds like he's considered it or has been doing it himself and wants you to do it as well so he can carry on

BitOfFun · 18/08/2019 06:35

He's suggested something very strange- there's definitely a problem here. Do you have children?

Original poster
Homealonealways · 18/08/2019 06:37

I completely adore him, we work really well together. He's attentive, loving, I am really physically attracted to him and we have a great physical relationship. But there is niggling doubt in my mind. He is a really charming man, he completely swept me off my feet and now I'm worried he's lining up my replacement....

OP posts:
WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 18/08/2019 06:42

Actually, I would imagine he has always had this arrangement when traveling. Especially with no paper trail.

tomatostottie · 18/08/2019 06:54

I'd be really suspicious and upset by this.
There are lots of answers to the issue of being lonely when he is away and the first one that springs to his mind is that you can "date" other men??
Sounds like he could be doing the same or wants to and by persuading you to do so he can ease his guilty conscience.
I think you need some time to think about what YOU want. If his solution is that you "date" other men and not that he could, I don't know, change jobs - arrange to spend more time at home etc - then I can't really imagine this being the solution you would want.
You'd be better off splitting up leaving you to free to date and to take those relationships further should you really like some of the men - with the possibility of a great relationship with someone who isn't away 6 months of the year.

I think I'd not get into discussions with him yet as to whether he is also "dating" etc but concentrate on you instead and what you want.

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