To be massively hurt

[looondonn]

Good friend from 15 years plus told me the other day how fat I have become

She didn't sugar coat it

Just was so blunt
'Didn't you realise'
How did this happen blah blah

How would you guys react?
I'm peeved with her

Had baby over a year ago and got out of massively abisivie relationship
Part time cater for ill relative and also got PTSD to throw in the mix

Why be so cruel ??

Some of you may not agree but personally I would never ever be so blunt EVER :(

She's probably just really concerned about your health, but it seems she handled it very poorly.

I don’t know why people think this is going to be news. Like ‘wow thanks so much I had no idea! Booking weight watchers immediately!’

No, some people love being unkind like this. It’s only afterwards you realise. I wouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt unless your certain

5 flipping stone
Erm nothing fits

Thanks love
I sweat like a pig hmmm

It was just she was so blunt
Next day she saw me and asked when I was going back upstairs to get ready (I was already ready dressed in lose size 20 clothing)

Was just so out of order considering the crap that has been thrown my way in a year

I'm always super careful

Eg another friend talks about getting our asses in gear to go to gym more
She can see I need help

This friend was just being a right bitch - was staying at her house and was so close to leaving
Other comments over the rest of the weekend too (she saw my underwear on washing line and started to laugh that I have had to resort to granny pants ) ughhhhh

Any way
Needed to rant

I would assume she's really worried about you, and by mentioning it she feels she's addressing what you're going through - what was the context, what was the full conversation?

Full conversation- I got up from kitchen table

'Eh did you realise how fat you have become'

I answered - well that's life now
Not been to gym in while

Tried to change subject

She then went on and on 'you got so big'
'How could you not notice'
'Don't you weigh yourself each day'

Etc etc

Another friend was gobsmacked and said how inappropriate she was being

I left the room

Next day she had a great laugh at the large ugly granny pants
Which are hideous but this is what happens when I pile the weight on

Yes I get that some people would say something out of concern
Her approach was more ridicule

I'm still fuming and fuming I did not just leave )

She’s an utter cow. There are plenty of ways to bring up weight gain if you’re concerned. She isn’t - she wanted to diminish and embarrass you.

Stand up for yourself next time - it becomes easier with practise.

‘What a mean thing to say. Obviously I’m aware as I’m the one who’s dresses myself and buys my clothes. However you know I’ve recently had a baby and escaped an abusive relationship so why you do you choose to speak to me like that? Are you unpleasant or stupid? Either way it’s not the behaviour of a true friend.’

If she says something again then ask her did she realise what a bitch she's become? How did that happen? Maybe she needs to do something about it.

I can't believe how rude that exchange is. Not even taking the hint when you changed the subject. I would find it hard to come back from that.

Merry old goat wish I was able to say that

Next day I just agreed with her and said nothing

Avoided her for rest of weekend

Shocking really

But will keep my distance cos was so un fair

Other things she said over past few months have been hurtful

My girl is mixed race - she laughed and said ah you just look like the baby sitter

Abusive ex got in contact with her and she was extremely sympathetic to him like WT f

Anyway
Sorry to rant
Some people are kind
Some are not

I would never ever do this
Like ever

Plus was planning a lavish trip away for her this summer - spa treatments , B and B etc
Sod that I now seem to have other plans

😡😡😡

I would assume she's really worried about you, and by mentioning it she feels she's addressing what you're going through - what was the context, what was the full conversation?
Sounds like plain rudeness. People who are concerned about you health don't mock you, your clothes and especially your underwear

It is a horrible way to speak to a friend. one of my great friends has put in a huge amount of weight , and I am really worried about her.

I would never speak to her in the way your friend has, and I alway compliment her clothes, but I do encourage her to exercise.

If someone is overweight they know - they arent oblivious to the size of clothes they wear. It’s complicated, and a very sensitive subject. Your friend handled It badly.

You deserve a better friend. You got yourself out of an abusive relationship, so you can get yourself healthy. But that takes time. You need support, not a bitch faced frenemy😊

She’s not a real friend.

Even if she was concerned that’s not how you talk to Friends. She’s rude and spiteful.

She’s no friend.

Unkind and nasty.

Use your big knickers to sling shot a rock at her.

Don’t obviously!

Are you sure she’s not worried about your health? If someone who was close to me was gaining or losing a significant amount of weight, I’d be very concerned and would definitely say something. Granted, sounds like she could have chosen her words a little better.

Thanks guys

Very good points

Yes she is concerned but no need to offend me
I'm extra sensitive after fleeing an abuser with a 7 week old literally running for my life

Been binge eating yes

BUT !!!! This weekend signed up to a fab gym
Fridge full of healthy decent food

So can do this
Just don't need to be hurt along the way

Thanks all xxxx

I think sometimes blunt/factual is kinder than tiptoeing around a problem but only if done without judgement and with a view to providing support or helping someone address a problem. A manager dealing with a mom of staff with body odour, perhaps.

Your friend wasn’t doing that. She was sitting in high and mighty judgment. It was unkind in extremis. You don’t have to justify yourself. You will be able to lose weight when you are ready; she’ll always be unkind and judgemental. She’s not a friend. She’s one of those rather horrid people who boosts her own fragile ego by putting others down.

GrapefruitGin I don’t think people who laugh at the size of their friend’s underwear are doing so out of the goodness of their heart

Very true !!

Few mean comments over past few months enough to make me realise she is not the great friend I thought she was

I always dog sat her gorgeous dog (I'm talking taking her for a week or two weeks few times a year !!!)
Last year I had dog in her car and didn't get a chance to hover the car - she had a proper go at me I mean really went to town about having to hover her car

I minded the lovely dog for free
Was a pleasure

But COME ON !!!

🙄🙄🙄

Good for you OP - sounds like you’ve come a long way already. It’s hard juggling mental and physical health sometimes but sounds like you’re on the right track.

I would have reacted to the "didn't you realise..." with absolute cutting sarcasm. I mean, how kind of her to tell you this, since you haven't had chance to look in a mirror for over a year but you were wondering why you were struggling with the zip on your size 6 jeans

Now - do I say something ???

Or

Just keep my distance??

After your updates it’s clear she’s not your friend. What a nasty person she is.

Be kind to yourself.

I’ve put on masses of weight for a variety of reasons but I’m starting to understand why and it’s helping me change my behaviour. It’s slow - you need support and understand - not derision and ridicule.

Personally I’d text her. I’d tell her you’ve been thinking about your last copy of meet ups and she’s been unpleasant to you and that you don’t want her in your life. I tell you now you’ll feel like a new person.

Couple, not copy

And you will lose, weight, when you're good and ready, but I suspect she'll always be a rude, racist gobshite.