To be massively hurt

[looondonn]

Good friend from 15 years plus told me the other day how fat I have become

She didn't sugar coat it

Just was so blunt
'Didn't you realise'
How did this happen blah blah

How would you guys react?
I'm peeved with her

Had baby over a year ago and got out of massively abisivie relationship
Part time cater for ill relative and also got PTSD to throw in the mix

Why be so cruel ??

Some of you may not agree but personally I would never ever be so blunt EVER :(

[Nothingcomesforfree]

Well the fact you’re defensive says it all.You either are or aren’t fat. I bloody wish people said it more to me frankly because no one mentions weight gain and banf I’m stone’s heavier by Christmas

600lb people get down to healthy size in a year, you can lose 2 dress sizes in 2 months. It’s not a big one.
Looking old or depressed is much worse. Longer term intervention required.

If you looked amazingly happy at youre new weight she wouldn’t have said anything.

[looondonn]

Nonsense!!

Utter nonsense

There is a way of being frank and being a c**t

[Nothingcomesforfree]

Bother always get in too late.

[looondonn]

Nothing comes for free 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

She is NOT your friend! Her only concern was to embarrass you it seems. You dont need people like this in your life. I would have replied, "I can and will lose weight in my own time and you can really lose your judgemental attitude towards me!"

[Sparklesocks]

Nothingcomesforfree if you think that’s an acceptable way to talk to your mates regardless of their size, it’s a fucking miracle you have any

[ysmaem]

My friend said something very similar to me. I started slimming world and she asked what my starting weight was and after i disclosed it she was like "how did you let yourself get so heavy?" Like you I was very taken aback that she could be so forward but I also know she meant well even though she sounded like a nasty bitch

[StaplesCorner]

It nothing to do with your weight (although saying you are overweight on AIBU is like sticking a "kick me quick" sign to your forehead ) - this is to do with her being a twat. Fuck her right off, either tell her straight or just ghost her whatever suits you. Please dont let people treat you like this you have enough to deal with.

[blubelle7]

Just being cruel, cut her loose. As a fat person myself I call b'll on the concerned about your health crp. Been overweight all my life so have had many of these conversations - and they are usually to make you feel bad about yourself, mock and ridicule you and nothing to do with your health. If you are so concerned about people's health why not talk to Jane about her excessive drinking, Jill about all the takeaways she says with the diet coke and chocolate despite being a size 6, I mean after all her bad diet could lead to so many illnesses. People who are really concerned ask about your mental health, help you make time to work out and work out with you (depending on your boundaries) and motivate you without putting you down.

I'm going to let everyone in on a BIG secret "Fat people ALREADY know they are fat", no need to constantly rub it in.

[katewhinesalot]

Good on you.

[Nothingcomesforfree]

An “acceptable” way to talk to friends? It’s fat, not cancer. I lost a ( quite) a bit after a relationship break up and people couldn’t stop bagging on about how amazing it was I lost “ all” the weight and how good I looked “ now”
Really and no one thought to tell me at the time?
Years of people thinking I looked porky. I wasn’t interested in my health.

[PIVOT]

I had a ‘friend’ like this once. She left my life not long after an abusive ex did - once I’d woken up to not being treat like shit by him, I cut others of that ilk out too.

So much going on here - the comment about your daughter, weight....real mates don’t comment on your underwear either - laundry does not register does it.

Well done on getting shut of your ex & belated congrats on your DD.

[Grumpelstilskin]

It always amazes me that there are so many people who condone bullying behaviour when it comes to weight. While it usually unacceptable to be so cruel in virtually any other context, people seem to virtually condone and encourage it as being ‘honest’ and acting out of concern. Ridiculing someone is not helpful or concerned. Those that feel it is ok to say nasty stuff because they lost weight are almost worse. Emotional eating in the aftermath of horrendous abuse and trauma will not be improved by more abuse and cruelty! The behaviour of this frenemy is not motivated out of genuine care. This is another abusive relationship; OP needs to completely cull. This person made inappropriate remarks about her child and sided with/sympathised with her abusive ex. This part very much speaks volumes that this friend feels entitled to bully and abuse the OP. I am pleased that you have kinder and real friends, stick with them and completely cut out this toxic person. Good luck with your weightloss and fitness plan, it will happy when you are ready and in a better place.

[EKGEMS]

nothibgcomesforfree You might be thin but you're mean as a snake

[pallisers]

Well the fact you’re defensive says it all.You either are or aren’t fat. I bloody wish people said it more to me frankly because no one mentions weight gain and banf I’m stone’s heavier by Christmas

if you gain a stone because no one mentions weight gain to you, you have a big problem (and it isn't your friend not policing your weight - it is YOU) and you need to sort that out. You have a whole host of issues going on - needing others to direct you, inability to see you own situation etc. You have a problem and you need to sort it out yourself rather than blaming others around you for not calling you out.

[Zippetydoodahzippetyay]

Just adding to the chorus of she is NOT your friend. She sounds like she took glee in making you feel like shit. If she was genuinely concerned about your health or wellbeing she would have approached that conversation VERY differently. I would ignore her and back away. Don't give her the satisfaction of explaining that she hurt you.

[Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav]

Nothingcomesforfree** sounds as awful as your friend.
If your friend says anything again just say, at least I can lose weight, your going to be a bitch forever.
Good luck and do what you need to do your way and in your own time

[SaraNade]

@cdtaylornats When did being cruel equal honesty?!???

[PickAChew]

Wondering if nothingcomesforfree is the "friend".

[PickAChew]

If she is, she needs billing for the dog sitting :o

[SaraNade]

OP you have every right to be massively hurt. I would have felt it first when she was sympathetic to your ex, knowing how much he hurt you. That would be a friendship deal-breaker to me, especially if there was violence involved in your relationship.

But for her to mock your weight, even knowing all you've been through? That is disgraceful. I would ignore her and have no contact with her until she asks for a favour, and THEN give it to her guns blazing. In a long letter, if you don't feel you can do it in person.

[nettie434]

She is definitely not saying this from the point of view of being concerned about you. I like couchparsnip’s suggestion for a reply.

Just wanted to say that you have done really well leaving the abusive relationship, coping with the PTSD and looking after your relative as well as your daughter.

[SaraNade]

I bloody wish people said it more to me frankly because no one mentions weight gain

Yeah because unless you had someone tell you that you were overweight, you would never have known. It would never have occurred to you, right? You're vision impaired and cannot see your own weight, so need people to tell you. Right.

[SaraNade]

I lost a ( quite) a bit after a relationship break up and people couldn’t stop bagging on about how amazing it was I lost “ all” the weight and how good I looked “ now”

Nothing like the humble brag. So false. We can see through you. Just saying.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

after i disclosed it she was like "how did you let yourself get so heavy?"

It's such a stupid question, too. I mean, what are you going to do, start screaming "Oh my shit, when did that happen!" All of us carrying extra weight are perfectly bloody aware of it, how could we not be?