To be massively hurt

[looondonn]

Good friend from 15 years plus told me the other day how fat I have become

She didn't sugar coat it

Just was so blunt
'Didn't you realise'
How did this happen blah blah

How would you guys react?
I'm peeved with her

Had baby over a year ago and got out of massively abisivie relationship
Part time cater for ill relative and also got PTSD to throw in the mix

Why be so cruel ??

Some of you may not agree but personally I would never ever be so blunt EVER :(

[Sparklesocks]

I think I would have to say something, maybe something like ‘I don’t think you realised this but I was really hurt by how you were talking about my weight gain recently, and laughing at my pants. I wouldn’t ever talk to you like that’ - if she kicks off and gets defensive then you know she’s not worth keeping

[looondonn]

I'm tempted yes

As I have been more than kind to her

Expensive gifts for her kids

Dog sitting many many times without her even giving me a card or anything. !!!

Multiple airport pickups late night
Early morning

Could go on and on

Anyway valuable lesson learned

Tempted to send her a pic when I lose this 5 stone fat suit with a smart comment attached ??!

Or just grow up and ignore her?? Hmmmmm

[PickAChew]

I'd ignore her for a s long as it takes for her to ask you a favour - 2 or 3 weeks at the outside, by the sound of it? Then would be the perfect time to say no, I don't want to because you are repeatedly rude and unkind to me.

No fudging by saying it's not a good time, just bluntly say you don't want to help her out because she's an arsehole and not your friend.

[Teaandchocolatecake]

Have you joined a gym and stocked up on healthy food because it's what you want to do, or is it because of what she said?

[cdtaylornats]

When did honest start to equal cruel.

You say your fat, so why shouldn't you friend.

[Lunde]

She sounds very nasty. There is no "concern" in mocking a friends larger sized underwear or "joking" that a friend looks like the nanny because her daughter is mixed race.

She is a spiteful person who seems to be getting a kick out of putting you down. You don't need a frenemy like this - she'll just bring you down

[Chloemol]

Sorry but her comments are horrible, and it doesn’t matter how big you are or are not, you know if you do/ don’t need to lose the weigh5 o4 indeed if you even can in your present frame of mind. The comments about your child would have done it for me, never mind being sympathetic to your ex.

Personally I would now be sending a text telling her what a bitch she has come, that by listening to your ex she has proved she is no friend to you and you want nothing more to do with her as she has priced she is not a friend then block her on everything and have nothing more to do with her

[Chloemol]

God I hate this site sometimes weight not weigh5, or not o4, become not come, proved not priced. I wouldn’t mind but am sure I checked it all first. Why can’t we edit our own posts!

[letsdolunch321]

Just ignore her, she clearly has her own insecurities & is very immature to have to mention that you have put on weight.

You have done a BIG thing by fleeing a bad relationship.

Chill and enjoy your little one 💐

[looondonn]

Really has got me questioning a lot

Thanks all


Will stay clear

Next favour she wants
I will politely decline and tell her exactly why

'Just when my life has been shit you have not been a good friend for me AT ALL'
It's a shame but that's life

And yes I did describe myself as fat

She was the one to rudicule me - do not think it is ok despite how someone talks about themself

[Each2TheirOwn]

She's not a friend, she's a cow! 'When did honest start to equal cruel?' If someone can't be honest without being cruel then they are lacking intelligence, consideration, empathy and respect. These basics are (or should be) non-negotiable in any friendship.

[looondonn]

True !!

Thank you guys

I tend to overreact sometimes as have been massively stressed but in this case I feel my upset is totally justified

[Biffsboys]

She is not a friend! My dm does similar to me - my answer is always - does that make me a bad person ?

[bribery]

Your "friend" is a nasty cunt.

Throw her in the bin 🚮

Bet your confidence will immediately improve...

[MummyShah369]

Depends how long you have known her and the type of relationship yo8 have. In some cases if it's a deep friendship this is perfectly ok... if you are not close to her it's out of order

[CherryPavlova]

When did honest start to equal cruel.. A real sadness if one can’t manage to distinguish between honesty and unkindness.

A GP saying,” You are two stone overweight and that will predispose you to back injury. Would you like support to lose weight?” is honest. It’s said in someone’s best interest. That’s fine.

“How could you not realise how fat you’ve become? Your knickers are huge.” Is helping nobody and not said with kindness.

[ThomasFurious]

She's no friend. This is another abusive relationship for you to leave.

[Smokesandeats]

Block her. You don’t need to be friends with someone who is unkind.

[pallisers]

She is not a friend. She is also a user and a bitch. Just drop her, you'll feel much better.

If she honestly wanted to help you she would have said something like "would you like to go for a walk in the evenings - it can be easier to exercise if you have someone to meet".

When did honest start to equal cruel.

You say your fat, so why shouldn't you friend.

whoever said this is a cruel bitch too (just being honest!)

She isn't honest (if she was she'd have said "I'm a complete bitch and I want to hurt you").

[ChocChocButtons]

She sounds awful.

[looondonn]

Yes pallisers

If I had made someone feel bad about themselves I would be utterly mortified

This was not 'ah I'm the kind caring friend '

This was mean
Followed by ridicule

Sod that

Had enough mean remarks from one person recently don't need more

Sadly I leave my daughter with my sister two full days while I work - not easy but it has got to be done

Last time I met her she kept saying that my daughter would start to think my sister is her mother

Give me strength - I have to go to work
I have no choice but work two very long days each week

So back the fck off

She has made me feel horrendous

Why I had planned trips and treats for her this summer I really am not quite sure

But I have other decent friends
Not many
But my gosh they are decent and do not offend me in a harsh way

[ThatCurlyGirl]

My girl is mixed race - she laughed and said ah you just look like the baby sitter

Fuck her RIGHT off.

What a cunt, how dare she!

She sounds like a bully who thinks she comes across superior to people the more she puts them down.

Withdraw from the friendship and I'd be tempted to say to her (if she questions why you've backed off) that you assumed from the way she spoke to you last time that she didn't want to be friends any more and you agree with her.

[imablackstarnotapopstar]

No she's just an abusive, judgemental toxic presence in your life. Shaming someone NEVER helps them. I think it's time to cut her out if your life. I'm sure you have good people in your life. She's not one of them.

[JustMe81]

She’s not your friend OP. Even if you hadn’t been through the trauma you have been she would still have no right to make you feel the way she has. Bin her, the world is full of people who will love and care for you just the way you are.

[looondonn]

Thanks all

Was a case of thinking this was way too over the top but also needing to see if I am being a bit of a dick and not 'getting' her !!

Thanks again xx