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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Precious mums- D of E trip

95 replies

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 06:40

So, our DC are away on a D of E training trip this weekend. It is the first one, they are 14 years old. They only went last night, it is just for one night and today a walk. There is a Facebook group some parents set up and already, at this time (6am) there are messages such as complaining that there is no update on the DC and what time they return (the school letter did says this is difficult as depends how fast they walk but an estimate of a time this after noon" and also posts such as "I thought this page was meant to be updated. It would be nice to know how they are getting on. I’m not keen on not being able to have any contact with my daughter" Hmm

AIBU or should people not just kind of accept that they don't have phones except an emergency one for a reason and wait for an update etc? they have been away on trips before.

OP posts:
BouleBaker · 18/05/2019 06:45

They are 14??? Blimey that seems a bit extreme. When we take Beavers away on 2 night Beaver camps we’ll put a few updates out but they are 6-8 year olds! I certainly wouldn’t be expecting to do that for 14 year olds.

capercaillie · 18/05/2019 06:47

I’m a DofE leader and there’s definitely an expectation on us to update. Sometimes it’s tricky - no internet access or just too busy!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/05/2019 06:48

I'm a DofE leader and when we take Gold expeditions away, the kids have no contact with the outside world for four or five days. DS does DofE as well - we just wave him off and assume no news is good news!

Those parents sound like every teacher's/DofE leaders nightmare - they would be sadly disappointed if their kids were with us and they expected any kind of update or news.

Takes helicopter parenting to a whole new level, doesn't it?

whistl · 18/05/2019 06:49

Those parents have some apron string cutting to do! They are thinking of their DC as the young children they were rather than the independent teens who will go off to university in three years time.
DS1 went on his training expedition two years ago, and I kept my phone close by "just in case". DS2 went on his second expedition last week, and I barely gave it a thought. Those parents will learn too.

AuditAngel · 18/05/2019 06:50

Oh dear. DS’s DofE expedition last October had rain, sleet, hail and snow (we are West London, not Scotland) how would they manage with that?

No, YANBU

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 18/05/2019 06:55

Just as well their dc are doing DofE as it could be their chance to begin to gain some independence.

BoardingSchoolMater · 18/05/2019 06:59

YA Absolutely NBU. Some parents are mad.

TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 18/05/2019 06:59

The whole point of DofE is for children to learn independence and I as a DofE leader find it really counterproductive if parents badger us for update or try to track their children on their phones. Should there be an issue we will contact them but otherwise no news is good news.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 06:59

I know! It does make me wonder, as most would have been away for about a week before surely with trips etc including a 3-4 days one at end of primary school. Sounds like the children / teens might have been bothered by parents phoning them for 'updates' had the phones not been taken. It;s only a few miles away the collection place as well, and just seems to me over anxious parents. I have taught around here in the past and agree the parents can be em, quite demanding!

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 18/05/2019 07:01

My DD is doing her bronze expedition starting today. We can't wait for her to go and have a visit to somewhere she would hate planned today. Looking forward to not have to be a taxi service.

Mothership4two · 18/05/2019 07:05

Wow.

My ds did his dofe training last weekend - didnt hear anything from him from when he went off to school Friday until I picked him up Sunday pm. They are walking and camping - what exactly do they want to know? It's good of the school to organise all this for them. I think some people just like to have a moan!

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 07:08

OK, now they are suggesting tracking the phone and finding the mum of the one who has the emergency phone...Grin it seems to be more about timings though as they have a party to get to at 4pm. Another is moving theirs got lost time and no-one told them etc and it was an hour late!

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 18/05/2019 07:08

I well remember lying in bed listening to a howling gale and torrential rain wondering how DD was getting on in a tent on a Welsh hillside.

And then going back to sleep.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 07:09

"They might turn it on if they get lost and can't find where to go"- keep an eye on it later (imagines mothers constantly trying to ring the emergency phone)

OP posts:
willowsmumsy · 18/05/2019 07:18

When my eldest did silver last year I sent photos to her of the steak we'd had for tea. She'd just eaten a pot noodle😂

stucknoue · 18/05/2019 07:52

Yes they are being precious. They are in for a shock for the teenage years! We had a phone tree (6 years ago now) and the call came through around 1pm, we were told there would be no contact before that except in emergency, far better that parents are told no contact, they are 14 not 4

EvaHarknessRose · 18/05/2019 08:08

Our d of e leader was very firm that he would only be in contact IF there was a problem, so no news was good news, and gave an approx return time only. No updates. I think its the best approach and benefits parents really.

WickedGoodDoge · 18/05/2019 08:09

DS is doing Gold now and we’ve never had any updates while he’s been away. That included the time he was on the West Coast of Scotland being battered by God Almighty storm (can’t remember the name- April 2018) and I assumed they would abandon the expedition. Didn’t find out until he got home that they’d just walked really fast, got their tents set up by 2:00 that day and bunkered in until morning (when they were checked on by a leader!).

No updates is normal!

Overmaars · 18/05/2019 08:09

I wouldn't have dreamt of contacting the expedition leaders. These parents have definitely missed the point!

My son had the lovely experience of having to use the saucepan after someone had made their curry pot noodle in it, instead of boiling the water and then making it in his bowl. It made his pasta taste a bit odd. Grin

PregnantSea · 18/05/2019 08:10

Good grief.

It's strange though because you'd think that the sort of parents who are this anxious and overbearing would be the sort of parents who wouldn't let their kids go on stuff like this

FrancisCrawford · 18/05/2019 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornishmum00 · 18/05/2019 08:10

Mine did silver d of e last week, no news is good news as far as im concerned. They left 830 Friday and i got a text when they got to pick up point sunday afternoon. When my school did it no one even had a mobile and yet all survived!

TheFaerieQueene · 18/05/2019 08:11

How ridiculous. When I did my D of E many moons ago, we got lost in Box Hill at night and ended up knocking on a house door to get help/make a phone call. The teachers weren’t phased and my parents had a jolly good laugh about it when we returned home. No mobile phones etc then!

MrsJamin · 18/05/2019 08:12

That's ridiculous for 14 year olds. I bet these are the kinds of parents that try and ring up universities on behalf of their 18 year olds. Leaders have much better things to do than to try and post constant updates. This has plagued school residential trips too, I've heard parents complain about lack of updates, it's just ridiculous. At 13 I went on a French exchange, never needed to update parents throughout the week I'm sure.

GreenTulips · 18/05/2019 08:13

I’m assuming the leaders are volunteers? Don’t thebprents realise this type of madness actually puts people off doing these types of activities? They have responsibilities and teens to supervise - not sure I’d be happy with the demanding types