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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Precious mums- D of E trip

95 replies

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 06:40

So, our DC are away on a D of E training trip this weekend. It is the first one, they are 14 years old. They only went last night, it is just for one night and today a walk. There is a Facebook group some parents set up and already, at this time (6am) there are messages such as complaining that there is no update on the DC and what time they return (the school letter did says this is difficult as depends how fast they walk but an estimate of a time this after noon" and also posts such as "I thought this page was meant to be updated. It would be nice to know how they are getting on. I’m not keen on not being able to have any contact with my daughter"

AIBU or should people not just kind of accept that they don't have phones except an emergency one for a reason and wait for an update etc? they have been away on trips before.

OP posts:

Dana28 · 18/05/2019 08:13

Surely they are just wanting to updates ob when to pick up as they have other commitments to work round. Yabu

reluctantbrit · 18/05/2019 08:14

DD is a Scout and we have our phones upstairs when she is on camp but that’s it. One night last year we had a torrential downpour and nearly expected a call saying that they had to abandon camp. The next morning we heard via another mum that they were all safe and dry. It tired.

She gained so much from these trips.

Her school now sends all Y7 camping, DD already mentioned that some girls are nervous of not being able to call home.

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 18/05/2019 08:17

I'm fairly sure if there was a serious problem the school would be in touch PDQ so surely no news is good news. I think some people have got too used to being in constant touch due to mobile phones.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 08:21

Yep...I think that last time the groups did a trip there were pics updated of the groups walking along, etc so that is possibly why they are posting as well? (although not sure about that being appropriate really not exactly getting freedom having pictures taken of you at every step!)

OP posts:

LarryGreysonsDoor · 18/05/2019 08:23

When I was 8 until I was 13 I went away for a week to a children's activity holiday place. I was on my own in the sense that I didn't know any of the other children or have any siblings with me.

There was no contact home unless something happened.

These parents are being ridiculous. How will they cope when their DC go so uni?

PantsyMcPantsface · 18/05/2019 08:26

Good god - mine are away camping with the Beavers next month (as the younger end of the age bracket) and I'm not going to be fretting for a lack of contact then! (I am generally very laid back and trust the adults who run the stuff my kids do though)

WildfirePonie · 18/05/2019 08:28

I did DofE 20 years ago, we didn't have mobile phones or internet/facebook.. There wasn't any updates back then either!

Petalflowers · 18/05/2019 08:32

6am and wanting updates! Crazy! If they were expected at 4pm, and running late, then a text at 3pm is far, but not for an overnighter in good conditions.

Acis · 18/05/2019 08:34

Surely they are just wanting to updates ob when to pick up as they have other commitments to work round

Surely it's easy enough to plan your day so that there's a reasonably wide window of availability for picking your child up?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/05/2019 08:35

The leaders have probably got more than enough to do rather than updating parents early in the morning.
I'm a Cub leader... At camp we are on the go constantly from 6am to 10/11pm (not forgetting middle of the night problems). The only phone likely to be looked at in that time is the Emergency phone, which only one person knows the number of. Kids phones are collected for safe keeping prior to the camp.

Trottersindependenttraders · 18/05/2019 08:36

I feel like i’m doing some training for these sort of trips and teenage years. DD’s Brownie Camp last year didn’t update us, I didn’t expect them to - no news is good news. She’s 10 now and a Guide and going again this year.
For those of us who grew up prior to mobile phones etc, I wonder now if our parents found it hard or just accepted that’s how it was and got on with it.

BlueMerchant · 18/05/2019 08:38

They are pathetic. They need to find something else to occupy their brains. It's one bloody night.

MCC85 · 18/05/2019 08:39

I'll always remember going away with school in the last year or primary, so I was 10/11.

Our teacher who was quite old school (he had taught my day 20+ years earlier), told us that we wouldn't be allowed to ring parents to 'let them know we had arrived safe'.....his theory was if we didn't arrive safe parents would find out quicker than waiting for us to ring to safe we had ha!

That was nearly over 30 years ago and I still remember the assembly where he told us now, and tbh I think I only used the payphone to ring home once during the week we were away....We were all perfectly fine and I think the parents enjoyed their little break too!

It's definitely a downside of being connected at all times, sometimes it good to be off grid for a bit, and it's definitely good to give kids a bit of independence.

I fear we are going to end up with a generation of people who can't fart without holding someone's hand!

MCC85 · 18/05/2019 08:42

*over 20 years ago....bloody hell!

viques · 18/05/2019 08:43

I thinkwillowsmumsy hasn't quite grasped the point of this thread.

CitadelsofScience · 18/05/2019 08:44

They've got a huge shock coming then when their precious children want to go to parties etc. I just shoved my dd out of the door when she did DofE, waved bye bye and got on with life.

budgiegirl · 18/05/2019 08:45

My dd just left 20 mins ago for her DofE expedition. We have been told not to expect to hear from them until it’s finished ( And I hadn’t thought for a moment that it would be any different!)

I’m a cub leader, and I appreciate that it can be nice to get updates for your child. I try to put photos on Facebook when I can whilst on camp, but usually I am too busy/tired to get many on. Then of course when you put on a few, you get all the comments such as ‘I can’t see my DS, why isn’t he in the photo, is he ok?’

I once had a parent phone the emergency phone number late at night to ask why her DS wasn’t smiling in a photo

DreamsOfDownUnder · 18/05/2019 08:46

When I was on my DofE training expedition (my team dropped out so they cancelled the actual one) I was 22 so no need for my parents to consider contact with me but the teenagers with me didn't have their parents trying to get hold of them. They were 16 though.

Armadillostoes · 18/05/2019 08:47

YANBU-These parents are doing a huge amount of damage to their children emotionally in wanting constant updates every time they are not in the same physical place. If the idea of letting them go, having an experience, and being truly apart for a little while is so difficult, enabling them to develop into independent, confident adults is going to be a struggle. This type of parenting is dreadful for the DC and has a knock on negative effect on countless others in society.

Foslady · 18/05/2019 08:50

It rarely gets better. Dd and her 5 friends were planning to go to a small ‘naice’ City approx 50 miles away on the train. The trip has been cancelled as only me and one other parent will allow their young (16, going on 17 year olds) to go. When comparing basic skills one isn’t allowed to use the cooker if home alone and another didn’t know how to make a basic snack last year, and another isn’t allowed on a bus unless it’s the school bus. None of them use the washing machine or ironing board. These are all young adults that are hoping to live away at uni in two years time.....

topcat2014 · 18/05/2019 08:56

Another Beaver leader here. Our parents drop their LOs off at the start of camp, and collect at the end. With no expectation of contact in between.

Scouting has good systems for emergency contacts (ie someone more senior who is 'home based' will have all the contact info.

On the local site we use there is no mobile signal at all.

Some parents of the slightly more 'delicate' children even tell us not to rush to contact them, as they want the children to get used to being away.

FlaviaAlbia · 18/05/2019 08:56

The worst parent I came across for cossetting their child actually drove to the area and walked up to bring a meal to them and their friends Then backed up the kids getting arsey when they were told they had to do the expedition again properly.

ItsInTheSpoon · 18/05/2019 08:57

Yes, I came across similar when my DC did DofE. The lack of basic skills and common sense revealed was shocking! They were discussing cooking and one thought you cooked pasta by putting the (dried) pasta in a bowl in the oven (not with any water or sauce or anything, just the dry pasta).

Original poster

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 09:01

I did the D of E bronze and Silver 30 years ago, we had no phones and no updates, we had to try and aim to end the trip at a phone box in the middle of no-where and hope it was working, then ring and wait for a pick up. An assessor would come out to see us somewhere along the route. How times have changed.

OP posts:

Original poster

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 09:02

With no expectation of contact in between.

I think this might be the problem here- there was a letter about updates and the FB page. Might have been better just to not have said that!

OP posts:

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