Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Precious mums- D of E trip

95 replies

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 06:40

So, our DC are away on a D of E training trip this weekend. It is the first one, they are 14 years old. They only went last night, it is just for one night and today a walk. There is a Facebook group some parents set up and already, at this time (6am) there are messages such as complaining that there is no update on the DC and what time they return (the school letter did says this is difficult as depends how fast they walk but an estimate of a time this after noon" and also posts such as "I thought this page was meant to be updated. It would be nice to know how they are getting on. I’m not keen on not being able to have any contact with my daughter"

AIBU or should people not just kind of accept that they don't have phones except an emergency one for a reason and wait for an update etc? they have been away on trips before.

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 18/05/2019 09:05

Eh? DS has done bronze and practice for silver and there is no contact. They are tracked by the organisers and have an emergency phone.
We have an eta for pick up and that’s it.

RiftGibbon · 18/05/2019 09:05

I've DC in primary school and we have parents like this.
Half-day visit to somewhere and they're stressing that little Jimmy won't be able to walk "all that way" (to local woods - 15 min tips).
Residential trip in a couple of years' (1 night), little Polly "hasn't been away from home before", "can we phone them?", "What if they can't get to sleep?", "Jimmy only likes fish fingers and ham, what ever will he eat?"

redspider1 · 18/05/2019 09:16

When my DD did it, I had one text in the evening from my DD as they sat round the camp fire. Heard nothing until the teacher text the next day to give an ETA. We arrived at the end point where there was a pub and sat in the garden with a drink for about an hour while each group staggered back.
Your lot sound very needy indeed!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 18/05/2019 09:23

DS was away regularly camping with cadets and his DoE award, I wouldn't head anything from the time we dropped him off at the rendezvous point to the time he was 20 minutes away from it on the return journey to give us time to get there. At 14 he was up in Northumbria for a week, I trusted the cadet leaders to look after him. I knew he would be spending some nights sleeping out in the field under just a basha with no tent, and they had to navigate their way too. They also had guns! At 15 he went to Belgium for the week with them - again heard nothing.

I think if you are going to let your teens do adventurous stuff, you have to let them do it on their own terms. The expedition leaders will phone if anything happens, you must have to trust them.

YouJustDoYou · 18/05/2019 09:23

How weird! Surely they'd think that there might not be reception, lol.

Tinkobell · 18/05/2019 09:25

Ridiculous. If the weathers generally good then there's no major cause for concern at all. The bronze tends to be localish. In a few years their kids may have actually left home and gone to uni....this level of anxiety is over the top. Ignore. Completely.

redspider1 · 18/05/2019 09:28

When same DD went away for 4 nights in Year 6, we had no contact at all from school and mobiles weren't as popular at that age as they are now. Those that had them were not permitted to take them anyway.
We got a text to say they had arrived and one to say they were on their way back.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/05/2019 09:28

I have to admit that I must be an awful mother! Weh my kids went away on school trips etc for up to a week, I just assumed that "no news is good news", and that I would only get a message of any type if they'd fallen off a mountain or something.

On the week long trips the kids were given a postcard to send home (DS's arrived back the same day he did) and it was just a whinge about the rubbish food and an instruction not to tidy his bedroom as he "knew where stuff was".

swingofthings · 18/05/2019 09:32

No contact is the whole point of it. Learning independence and self-reliance.

DS did it last year on one of the hottest days of the year so was a bit concerned over heat stroke but they were fine. The only thing that I was quite a bit shock about is that the route made them cross a rail line and a very busy 60 miles an hour road where there were no crossings!

Thatsnotmyotter · 18/05/2019 09:40

I used to be a Cub and Scout leader. We never called parents unless there was a problem, even on Summer Camp (week long). Most of the kids didn't have phones and those who did were only permitted to have them switched on at certain times (wouldn't be able to charge them anyway).

RottnestFerry · 18/05/2019 09:42

When I did the Bronze it was a weekend a weekend away in the Lake District. No contact at all between leaving home and arriving back. For emergencies, we each had a stack of 2p pieces for the phone.

For Gold, we were gone for the best part of a week. Again no contact at all.

floraloctopus · 18/05/2019 09:43

I'm in the no news is good news camp, I don't expect to hear from them on a D of E camp or on any school trip bar a possible text to say they have arrived safely if they are going abroad. Anything extra is an unexpected, and very welcome bonus. IMO the teachers involved in school trips have enough to do without worrying about parents.

AnneElliott · 18/05/2019 09:46

Some parents are mad! When we took the Scouts away to an international camp (but in the U.K.) one of the parents asked if we'd be updating every hour!

And another complained that her DD did not look happy in the photos!

When I did expedition badge as a scout we were away from Mond-Friday with no mobile phones. My parents weren't even aware that the hike was in Wales. When we got back to the scout hut I made my own way home with all my stuff!

DuesToTheDirt · 18/05/2019 09:48

Dear me, when I did my DofE bronze back in the day, 2 of us 16 and 2 14, we went up a mountain in Wales and camped out overnight. Nothing and no-one in sight except us!

QueenArnica · 18/05/2019 09:49

My dd did her practice walk last weekend. We received no updates and not did we expect to. I think they are being very precious, you will hear something if you need to!

TeacupDrama · 18/05/2019 09:51

I dropped DD who is 9 off yesterday for a 2 night camp with church youth group I do not expect to hear until 5pm Sunday when I pick her up, I know the leaders they will contact me if there is a problem, she doesn't have a phone so she can't ring me anyhow. of course they have arrived safe if a coach carrying 50 kids had not arrived at destination it would be all over the news
These are just the worst sort of Helicopter parents

supersop60 · 18/05/2019 09:53

The whole point is that the kids become independent. The only update I could have done with was knowing they got back to the scout hut early, but even then they were warm and dry - they just had to wait a bit.
In contrast, the school French trip set up a whatsapp group and we were inundated with photos of all the students doing everything!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/05/2019 09:55

These are the sort of parents who will expect their kids to be spoon-fed all through university, too.

One of my colleagues had a phone call from a parent who bent his earhole because shea had found out that her 18 year old son (the colleague was this lad's tutor) had gone out and got drunk and not gone to bed until yon time.

The mother was furious that this had happened and insisted that it was the tutor's responsibility to keep him sober and make sure he was in bed by X o'clock. I'm not sure if tucking in, goodnight kisses and bedtime stories were mentioned, but it wouldn't surprise me .

AnnaComnena · 18/05/2019 10:10

Isn't being able to go out and get drunk and stagger home at 3 am without your mum knowing about it the whole point of going away to university? The lad must have been absolutely mortified. Bet he didn't tell his mum stuff in future.

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/05/2019 10:30

I would rather they be working with my child than updating social media.

shazkevincarrotlover · 18/05/2019 10:32

DS1 did his bronze last year and i was counting the hours until he was gone for 2 days does that make me a bad mum but then im a scout mum & volunteer so its not like im not used to it.
Im too busy helping other kids with their scout experience to worry about my own when i know others are watching out for them
I think social media has alot to answer for let kids be kids.If you dont think they can cope for 24hrs dont enter them in for it just so it looks good on a cv

lyralalala · 18/05/2019 10:32

Some parents are really OTT with updates.

Last school holidays we took the playscheme away for the day on a trip. Told the parents we'd be back around 4.30, but would update the FB page if the traffic was particularly bad.

There were 8 posts at lunchtime asking how the day was going. Then 3 concerned that we hadn't responded (funnily enough using phones around the children only happens if it's absolutely needed - like a late return notice).

When we got back at 4.25 two parents had a pop at us because we hadn't updated the FB page. Even though we only ever post on there if we're going to be late!

Apparently it's not the done thing now to take kids away all day and expect their parents to have 'no idea' what's happening. Generally when your kid is a theme park they're either on a ride, wondering if they are brave enough for a ride or in a queue ffs!

NunoGoncalves · 18/05/2019 11:04

It's just a result of how connected we are these days, presumably. Parents have had no practice at low or no contact because with whatsapp, they' can be in touch with their kids at all times.

HomeMadeMadness · 18/05/2019 11:07

@lyralalala

Bloody hell - wouldn't they rather you were actually supervising the children rather than spend all day updating parents about the coach trip? What did they expect? 4:05 stuck at red traffic light 4:06 Light now green. 4:17 Waiting at a junction for gap. 4:18 Have now pulled out into said gap.

lyralalala · 18/05/2019 11:25

@HomeMadeMadness Apparently I should have been updating that we'd be on time. However, I just know the second I say that it's jinxed! The last time we were delayed we could see the drop off point.

It's one of the reasons I've walked away. Apparently we should be updating that we've arrived safe, updating at lunch (which means the entire group has to have lunch together which doesn't alway work - for example at the theme park the bigger ones asked if they could have a late lunch as they wanted to take advantage of everyone else having lunch at lunchtime), when we're leaving and on the way home.

Between that and people getting arsey that the trips weren't as good this year (funding is not as easily available now - we're low cost for a reason so the cuts have to be made in trips for example getting the train instead of a coach for some trips) I've had enough.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread