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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Precious mums- D of E trip

95 replies

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 06:40

So, our DC are away on a D of E training trip this weekend. It is the first one, they are 14 years old. They only went last night, it is just for one night and today a walk. There is a Facebook group some parents set up and already, at this time (6am) there are messages such as complaining that there is no update on the DC and what time they return (the school letter did says this is difficult as depends how fast they walk but an estimate of a time this after noon" and also posts such as "I thought this page was meant to be updated. It would be nice to know how they are getting on. I’m not keen on not being able to have any contact with my daughter" Hmm

AIBU or should people not just kind of accept that they don't have phones except an emergency one for a reason and wait for an update etc? they have been away on trips before.

OP posts:
DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 18/05/2019 11:53

No DC here so honestly can't say for sure the sort of parent I'd be, but I'd like to think in this situation I'd only be checking my phone for an ETA or emergency info, not expecting a 14yo to ring in to mummy, certainly not a healthy child with no reason to check in, on a sleep out with their mates. Aside from an emergency mobile for the group, which is sensible, plenty of people did DofE fine before iPhones came along.

I don't think I even took my phone away on school trips until sixth form, really. The only two trips my parents worried about were the first residential to IoW in year 5 (they were surprised I wanted to go as I wasn't outdoorsy, and I'd had friendship difficulties in the run up) and a sixth form trip to Seville (I'd been quite ill not long before, I was at a new school with no friends in the group and it was very loosely supervised). Two very contrasting experiences with phones on trips as a result; one of the staff gave them one quick call on arrival in IoW to say I seemed fine because they were aware of the situation and that was it for the trip. In Seville, I called home because I was unhappy and lonely and because I'd been more or less abandoned to wander the streets by myself at midnight (not fun as a dyspraxic who really struggles with directions), and the school didn't seem fussed. It taught me that I could be independent but I didn't have much respect for the staff on the trip afterwards.

ValleyoftheHorses · 18/05/2019 11:56

I remember being on a DofE trip age 14 to a remote house (very basic but not camping) when it snowed really heavily. No mobiles in those days. My mum panicked and my dad rang round all the local pubs until he tracked us down Grin

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 12:04

Update- a photo has been posted of some of the girls - looking embarrassing and waving with thumbs up....and other people now asking for pics of theirs as well! Poor things, they look mortified. Bet they know it is for their mums.

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LadyRannaldini · 18/05/2019 15:31

My brother, many years ago pre global communication, was off on something or other and told our Mum, Don't worry about us, you'll only get any news of we're dead!

I actually feel very sorry for the children of these neurotic parents, they'll be stuck with them forever wittering.

LadyRannaldini · 18/05/2019 15:37

Reading through these is it surprising that voluntary organisations are finding it hard to get volunteers? No doubt when there are no D of E trips etc these are the parents who will be at the front of the moaning queue.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 15:45

Yes they are moving about how the children had not learnt to take bearings and had got lost etc. Not like they are in fact helping in any way or could have maybe taught them themselves. And moaning the FB page not updated. these posts are getting likes also.

I just find some parents in general so kind of entitled, especially in this area. Maybe they feel we pay for the training or something. I would not like to be a teacher or volunteer and get this.

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Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 15:46

I mean how would you feel if you had given up your weekend to help these peoples kids and this was what you returned to

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lyralalala · 18/05/2019 15:49

I find that parents expect even more from volunteers than they do paid staff a lot of the time.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 18/05/2019 18:10

Did they all survive? And were the children ok too? Maybe suggest that next time anyone who is really concerned could volunteer to help, then they will get regular updates. That will probably resolve most of the gripes!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/05/2019 18:22

Isn't being able to go out and get drunk and stagger home at 3 am without your mum knowing about it the whole point of going away to university?

ABSOLUTELY! Grin

The degree is a bonus!

CastleCrasher · 18/05/2019 18:32

My goodness. Thinking back to when I did DoE (before mobiles were so popular) one of the group sprained her ankle. We strapped it up and carried on. Adult came and checked it that evening, not having realised there been an issue until that point. She finished the expedition, with a little extra help from the rest of us. Parents knew nothing until we got back. No drama, no complaints. (In fact I think her dad laughed at her saying it was a good way to get us to carry her kit! 😂)

agnurse · 18/05/2019 18:47

I did DofE. We weren't ALLOWED to have a cellphone.

What we did on my silver and gold expeditions was leave a map with our family and arrange for them to meet us at our camping site each night. That way they could make sure we had arrived safely.

Our Scouts go on backpacking trips where they go off into the wilderness for a few days. They can be as young as 11 or 12. And they go winter camping. The parents aren't ringing frantically and asking for updates!

theSnuffster · 18/05/2019 18:48

My 6 year old is away overnight with rainbows. It's her first time away from us overnight apart from with grandparents. We'll have no updates and no contact unless there's an emergency. I wouldn't expect it! (Although a photo on the Facebook page would be a nice surprise!)

When DS (9 at the time) was away with school for two nights they put a few photos on the class contact app but that was it.

At 14 I'd only expect to be contacted in an emergency.

Gth1234 · 18/05/2019 19:08

My son broke an ankle on a D of E trip, and walked several miles on it. He was in pain when we picked him up,, but we didn't realize till later. There isn't much you can do - at 14 plus they are getting independent,.

BlueJava · 18/05/2019 19:13

I think D of E is about encouraging independence so if they constantly want updates they are missing the point. One of my DS did bronze, he just went off then texted us when he needed picking up after the overnight stay and hike - no updates needed. Obviously if it's a longer expedition they may be out of battery and then the organisers would need to let parents know.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 21:23

Yes they all seemed to be OK. There were lots of pictures posted at the end of the trip which were from the morning also saying all Ok so must have been posted when they got a chance to do so. I hope the leaders did not have time to read the other posts from the parents :-(

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spongedog · 18/05/2019 22:48

Not DofE but I have really noticed the hysteria this year from friends and acquaintances about their children going away for a few months as part of a gap year or uni course. These kids have email, face time, facebook, cheap mobile packages to stay in touch. When I went away overseas for 3 years we had snail mail as phone calls were too expensive. i havent dared comment.

Waveysnail · 18/05/2019 22:51

Crikey. Mobiles were banned from expeditions when we did them. Only the leader had one

ChicCroissant · 18/05/2019 22:54

My DD is going abroad on a school trip, at the information evening for it the school mentioned that they had a mobile phone and would allow children to use it if they had a problem with their own mobile - a parent immediately asked for the number. The school didn't hand it out, which I was quite glad about really - the adults going are there to supervise the children and not spend their time updating parents Hmm

Can you imagine the complaints if a child got lost because the adult was putting a photo on social media rather than supervising the group!

Loftyswops988 · 18/05/2019 23:06

jesus that's a bit intense! i was just speaking with my dad the other day about when i went away for a week on a school trip and they didn't hear from me the whole time. we were allowed to call but i chose not to as i was busy hanging out with friends. i doubt they would even have thought about it to be honest! those kids parents need to cut the apron strings

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