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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send my child to nursery?

91 replies

BeanBag7 · 09/04/2019 06:42

I have one daughter who has just turned 2 and I am a SAHM during the day and work a few evenings in the week.

DD is doing (I think) really well: her speech and physical development is typical for her age; she is toilet trained day and night; she is a very happy child. We do a lot during our days such as play dates and toddler groups and we have passes to the local farm, NT gardens and theme park. At home we do baking and craft, puzzles and games and the occasional day of just being lazy and snuggling on the sofa. I'm planning to send her to preschool when the 3 year funding kicks in this time next year.

Recently I've been feeling under pressure from friends to put her in nursery during the week. They have been telling me how good it is for social development, how well X's speech has come on since starting, how many activities they do that we couldnt possibly do at home. Is she missing out on something and AIBU not to send her?

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 09/04/2019 06:44

YANBU, if she's getting social interaction with her peers via the playdates and groups I don't think it's essential

Aria999 · 09/04/2019 06:46

Sounds wonderful! As long as she's socially confident you're probably ok. Toilet trained day and night at two 😮

Namenic · 09/04/2019 06:46

Do what u want - not ur friends. She sounds fine and it’s only 1 year. Loads of people with young kids don’t send them to nursery because of cost - so your ds won’t be odd one out. Enjoy it while you can and save the money for something else!

ItsSomeKindOfWonderful · 09/04/2019 06:48

The whole tone of your post says you know YANBU, if you don't want yo send her you don't have to. We can pat you on the back for all the activities you do with her if you want?

When do you get any time for you though?

HappyPunky · 09/04/2019 06:49

Yanbu it's none of their business and you do lots with her.

You don't need to justify anything but if people ask just say "yes she's going to pre school when she's three" they can't argue with that.

Di11y · 09/04/2019 06:50

I would say your friends are busily justifying why it's ok that they have sent their dc. you do lots and obviously enjoy your dc company. carry on x

QueenOfCatan · 09/04/2019 06:50

Yanbu. I'm not sending DD to nursery but the pressure to do so is ridiculous. She's 2.5 and I work from home as a childminder, people's till think it's weird that I won't put her in nursery Hmm even hvs push it and I've had one tell me that a childminder can't socialise children like a nursery can Hmm

SoyDora · 09/04/2019 06:50

YANBU. DD1 didn’t go until she was 3. She’s now 5 and in reception and is flying academically and socially. We did something every day (group/farm visit/day with friends etc) and she was always ahead with her milestones.
DD2 started at 2 just so I could have 2 mornings free (they were both at nursery at the same time for that year as small age gap) and there is no discernible difference between the two in terms of their development.

MrsHandles · 09/04/2019 06:51

Do what you feel is best for you and your DD. There’s no right or wrong way here, just do what’s most comfortable for you.

Poppyputthekettleon · 09/04/2019 06:54

I work in an "outstanding" school nursery and would say if you have the option to keep her at home until 3 go for it, some children need nursery earlier because they aren't being stimulated by the home environment but it doesn't sound like this is the case with your dd. I don't think we do anything at nursery which you couldn't do at home, what are they saying they do? Enjoy the time you have with her, it's such a short time before she has to have formal schooling.

user1474894224 · 09/04/2019 06:57

Nope you are not being unreasonable. I think it's good for a child to practice being left before school age (so a couple of mornings at preschool) But enjoy parenting and raising your own child. It's a special time.

Original poster
BeanBag7 · 09/04/2019 06:58

@ItsSomeKindOfWonderful
Not looking for a pat on the back, just trying to give the whole picture.

I get time to myself on the 4 evenings I'm not at work and my mum looks after DD for the day from time to time so I can get my hair cut etc.

OP posts:
LoubyLou1234 · 09/04/2019 07:03

The only thing I'd add is she left with other people, without you for s period of time regularly? As when it comes to starting preschool she may find it hard to detach. I've worked with some very upset toddlers when left for the first time ever...

Sounds like she's plenty going on and doesn't need to be at nursery right now.

Original poster
BeanBag7 · 09/04/2019 07:04

@Poppyputthekettleon
I think it is that the nursery offer a range of activities each day which you probably wouldn't get at home. They haven't been specific but I suppose at nursery they could do painting, pretend play, dressing up, colouring, playing in the sandpit and building a tower all in one day and they have the choice of what to do, whereas at home we only do one at a time and dont do as many things each day.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/04/2019 07:06

Sounds great. Personally I do find it quite odd when people send their child to nursery under 3 when they don’t need to - but then it falls into an each to their own thing!

Original poster
BeanBag7 · 09/04/2019 07:07

@LoubyLou1234
She is left with family without me on a regular basis - DH very often. MIL and my mum about once a fortnight. Also occasionally with friends. But shes not been with an unfamiliar person without a familiar adult there.

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 09/04/2019 07:07

None of mine went to nursery at that age. Different times of course but I don’t think it’s necessary. Why would you I’d you don’t need to. She sounds great and you sound like you’re doing great too. And most kids used to well on their way to being dry day and night at two too
But like I say different times.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/04/2019 07:08

It makes sense if there aren't a lot of toddler groups in the area and you want them to have some time socialising and meeting other toddlers. Other than that it just seems a huge expense unless it's for work.

twinnywinny14 · 09/04/2019 07:11

I work in a day nursery for children over 2 and lots join when they get the 3 yo funding. When the children leave for school, their start date at nursery doesn’t determine how ready they are or how they are doing developmentally. Yes nursery is great for all the things your friends describe but that doesn’t have to start at 2. Tbh I look after some 2yo who come for one or two 3hr sessions a week because that’s all their parents can afford and that is actually hard for them, as it’s not frequent enough for them to settle easily. You sound like a great mum who is doing a great job btw x

Poppyputthekettleon · 09/04/2019 07:12

Ah I see, yes that is true but there are so many activities so that all the children can (hopefully) find something that interests them, we get some children who might sample most things and others which stick to a couple of activities. I think what you are doing is perfect as you are catering to her specific interests, we can't tailor it like you can as you have the ability to stimulate her specific likes and interests.

SammySamSam09 · 09/04/2019 07:15

Personally I would just enjoy this time together as they do grow so fast.

Surfskatefamily · 09/04/2019 07:16

Sounds like you and her are doing great. Iv got a son and plan to start nursery at the first sept after hes 3 just so hes got a years pre school.

My sisters put theirs in about 6mo and cannot fathom the sahm lifestyle. I love it. Its each to their own. No right or wrong just different.

Monty27 · 09/04/2019 07:17

It sounds great as it is and doesn't need fixed.
Enjoy it OP. You're both happy.
The years fly by. Lucky you. Smile
maybe they are envious

Springwalk · 09/04/2019 07:18

I would make the most of your little dd and the time you have with her. Children grow up very fast. So no way would I put her in the nursery unless you want to/need to.

I am not sure what your 'friends' agenda is, but she certainly hasn't got your dd's interests at heart. Most children of that age are happiest at home with their parents. I would distance myself actually op, she doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

Sleepyblueocean · 09/04/2019 07:22

There is no need to send her if you can cater for what she needs at home and through toddler groups.
I don't especially hold with "speech coming on" reason either. If a child has actual speech delay or difficulties they need support from SALT.

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