Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers day card to grandma

100 replies

Ohnonotuagain · 03/04/2019 23:24

I was 'told off' by my mum for not sending her a card on mother's day from my child.

I've seen them in the shops but wasn't aware that sending cards to grandparents on mother's day was a thing. Or is it?

Mum does little childcare for us, maybe 2 overnights in the space of 1 year and the odd hour or two here maybe monthly so it's not as though we use her a lot. No backstory.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Reaah · 03/04/2019 23:25

She is

aweedropofsancerre · 03/04/2019 23:27

Never sent my DM or Mil a card from my DC on mother’s day. I am their mother!! So YANBU

LauraMipsum · 03/04/2019 23:29

My DD did a card for my mum, but that's because I had exhausted all other activities by approximately 9.30am on Saturday.

My mum babysits frequently and we see her weekly, and she didn't expect a card.

YANBU.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/04/2019 23:29

Maybe ask your mum how she can live with herself after letting you get to whatever-your-age-is without ever sending a card to her mum on your behalf...

LauraMipsum · 03/04/2019 23:30

Also 6 October is National Grandparents Day apparently!

Stompythedinosaur · 03/04/2019 23:31

I don't think you are U but my dc do make cards for their dgms on mother's day. The dc are happy to make them, and they make the make them happy. Both dm and dmil do a lot more to help us then your dm does and I am always keen to find ways to show appreciation!

Iwannasnack · 03/04/2019 23:38

Nope. Not BU. Dave Gorman does a great sketch about this suggesting the card manufacturers are massively increasing their potential buyers by promoting this.

Nanny0gg · 03/04/2019 23:39

I would never expect one!

Chouetted · 03/04/2019 23:44

I've been doing it for thirty years. My grandmother wouldn't complain if I didn't do it though! Heck, I managed to forget my mum's birthday last year and she never said a word...

It's for you (or your DC) to instigate or not. Not her.

PodgeBod · 03/04/2019 23:48

Yanbu my dad called me a week before Mothers day to suggest that I send my grandmother a Mothers day card. I am 27 and have never done this for any of my grandparents Confused I have seen cards for Grandparents for mothers day, but I presume those are for children who are being raised by their grandparents. Same for the mothers day cards I see to aunties. Its Mothers day, not female relatives day.

saraclara · 03/04/2019 23:49

Why does childcare by grandma come into this? She's a grandma whether she does childcare or not.

Childcare by grandparents seems to be a bit of an obsession on Mumsnet.

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 03/04/2019 23:57

Glad to hear I'm not being unreasonable, it as as I unlike her I was second guessing myself.

@saraclara , I mentioned childcare as it crossed my mind that maybe if your parent does a lot of childcare for you then maybe it's the done thing to get a mother's day card as they have a big part of raising your child. For me it's not the case through. I wasn't stating she isn't a grandma because she doesn't really babysit.

OP posts:
llangennith · 03/04/2019 23:59

My DDs got me Grandma cards from their DC. I didn't 'expect' them but I really loved receiving them.

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 00:00

It was unlike her* (I'm tired!)

OP posts:
lilabet2 · 04/04/2019 00:03

We used to buy them for my grandmother (I imagine for both of them when I was little) and my Mum did get one from my niece (I'm childless so far).

2rebecca · 04/04/2019 00:03

I think cards to anyone other than your own mother on mothers' day is weird. My mum is sadly dead so no-one got a card from me, my husband sorts out card etc for his own mum. Granny cards have never been a thing in either of our families. It detracts from the mother bit of it if it's all female relatives and just becomes "women's day" especially if the kids are too young to sort out their own cards and it just turns in to a card buying chore for the women of young children who the day is for (unless you're a "mother church" person but no-one I've come across not on mumsnet has come out with that complaint.)

Stompythedinosaur · 04/04/2019 00:06

I think childcare is relevant. Dmil had our dc 2 days a week for years which allowed both me and dp to work. It was a huge commitment of her time and I feel it is only right that we recognise that she did a lot of "parenting".

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 00:09

Thank you, Stompythedinosaur , that's the point I was trying to make. Not at all saying my mum isn't a grandma - I'm not sure where in my OP that comment came from.

My son is 1 so it would be me buying the card, I don't want to get into the tit for tat card buying, as I think that's a bit silly, but if he wants to make a card for his grandma in the future for mothers day then I will let him give her one.

OP posts:
ClinkyMonkey · 04/04/2019 01:34

I had this with DP's mother a few years back who, in her flat, faux casual tone remarked to no-one in particular, that she thought she would have received a card from 'the child'. 'The child' was eight months old and no amount of coaxing could get him to write a card to his granny. I was really pissed off with her attitude, but DP persuaded me that it would make her happy and doesn't cost much. So, she gets a card from DC every Mothers Day. My mum doesn't. She thinks it would be weird.

MrsTommyBanks · 04/04/2019 01:40

I always sent my DGM a Mothers Day card, flowers and a visit. My Mum died 16 years ago. It must have been so hard for my DGM.
Tbd she did so much for me. More of a Mum in my case. I miss her, this year was the first Mothers Day without her..
I sent my Mum cards from my kids when she was alive.
It's how my family do it.

PregnantSea · 04/04/2019 03:16

Did your mother organise a card from you for your grandmother on mother's Day?

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 06:27

@PregnantSea no, but both sets of grandparents had passed before I was born.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 04/04/2019 06:30

Dd2 (10) made one for my mum unprompted as she adores her I wasn’t involved at all and wouldn’t have set up for a younger child so yanbu

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 06:31

@MrsTommyBanks - You are exactly the person who I expect the grandma cards being sold for mothers day are for. Mother figures to the person buying, be than a grandma, an aunt etc etc

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 04/04/2019 06:34

We do because when I was a child we sent them to my grandma but equally my husband thinks it’s silly as his mum gets a card from him and it’s mother’s day not grandmothers day so it’s up to you what you do and not your mum

Swipe left for the next trending thread