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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers day card to grandma

100 replies

Ohnonotuagain · 03/04/2019 23:24

I was 'told off' by my mum for not sending her a card on mother's day from my child.

I've seen them in the shops but wasn't aware that sending cards to grandparents on mother's day was a thing. Or is it?

Mum does little childcare for us, maybe 2 overnights in the space of 1 year and the odd hour or two here maybe monthly so it's not as though we use her a lot. No backstory.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Rezie · 04/04/2019 08:57

We always made mothers day cards for grandmothers. I still need one to my grandma. I'm not saying everyone show but I don't consider doing it particularly abnormal.

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 08:57

It think it's the fact she was pretty angry about it that has shocked me.

OP posts:
Flamingosnbears · 04/04/2019 09:04

Your in the right she's in the wrong...

InfiniteSheldon · 04/04/2019 09:05

I always get one I don't expect it but I get a present, card and my goddaughter (their dm) writes a lovely note thanking me for the childcare and support. Perhaps because we sadly lost her dm she is a bit more appreciative but it's a lovely gesture and makes me feel very valued. Is your dm feeling unappreciated or is she generally moany and critical only you know really.

Ihavealwaysknown · 04/04/2019 09:19

I wouldn’t buy a card for grandparents, but we do a little craft, DD is only 10months so this year we did a plant pot with her footprint on, we gave one to mil and my mum. My mum has been brilliant since we’ve had DD so it seemed like a nice thing to do, MIL is the sort of person who would’ve kicked up a fuss if she didn’t get anything 🙄so we did her one too

Wallsbangers · 04/04/2019 09:31

We was being unreasonable to expect one.

I started buying my GM one after my dad died as I thought it was sad she wouldn't receive anything (both her children died before her). My DM always disliked it but now loves receiving a card and little present off my son. Hmm

Wallsbangers · 04/04/2019 09:32

*she not we!

Elledouble · 04/04/2019 09:42

I bought my mom one from my son, but it said “thank you for all you do for mommy and daddy” or something inside so it was kind of from me really.

Happynow001 · 04/04/2019 09:58

@ClinkyMonkey
I was really pissed off with her attitude, but DP persuaded me that it would make her happy and doesn't cost much. So, she gets a card from DC every Mothers Day. My mum doesn't. She think
So who's arranging this card every year? You? Or your DP who thinks it's a good idea and whose mother she is?

Hotterthanahotthing · 04/04/2019 12:30

I am lucky ,myum doesn't believe in mother's Day.When we were teenagers and stopped making homemade cards she said she'd rather we were good all year round and set up a washing,cooking rota for the week.
I have told my DD the same ,she did bring me breakfast but I also get cups of tea in bed at the weekend.
It's another day that's becoming commercialised and most cards are sent through obligation not with real thought behind them.

DifferentDrum · 04/04/2019 12:38

My dd usually makes/sends a card to my dm on mother's day. I don't think it's a weird thing to do - I think it's nice but not an expectation and my dm would definitely never complain if she didn't receive one!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/04/2019 12:44

Some grandparents really do seem to want to get in on the parental act these days, even to the point of usurping the parents. And it seems to be an increasingly pervasive attitude with this current generation of baby-boomer grandparents. This isn't to generalize about the whole lot of them, but there are an awful of complaints these days about grandparents with a sense of entitlement just like this.

My own MiL rarely sees our DC (her choice) but on the few occasions she does, she seems to make a point of trying to stamp down every boundary she sees. I've turned a blind eye to her doing things like stuffing DC full of sweets the minute my back is turned - reasoning that she visits so rarely the health/teeth-rotting impact is going to be minimal - but predictably she just steams ahead to the next boundary, and then the next, until I have no option but to make a stand on something. Then she sulks.

The clue is in the title: MOTHERing Sunday. YANBU.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 04/04/2019 12:51

DD always likes to send her grannies a card on mother's day even though she doesn't actually see that much of them and they aren't involved in our lives on a day-to-day basis or do any childcare. They wouldn't expect it and I don't know if they get cards from the other GC but I know my mum was very delighted when she opened her card from DD.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 04/04/2019 12:55

DM and DMIL got a homemade card for DS (20mo).
Neither expect it, but I figure it's nice to give them something.

Wearywithteens · 04/04/2019 12:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MoonStarsSun · 04/04/2019 13:18

I was "made" to write GM a Mothers Day card as a child and I never got the logic of that! Even when I left home my DM still reminded me but in an arsy manner. It would have been better if she'd have just suggested it or let me think of it myself, as it felt forced and I felt resentful.

When my 1st DC was born I made a decision that I just wasn't going to get into the buying of flowers, cards and gifts from my DC to my DGPs because that would mean 2 Mothers Day Mum cards and gifts and 2 Mothers Day Grandma cards, flowers and gifts (for each of mine and my DH's mums) and then again on Fathers Day for the dads and grandads plus I obviously buy DH Fathers day card and gifts from the DCs too and it just seemed so over the top and so much card and present buying.

I buy (or get the DCs to make) the DGP's cards and small gifts from the DCs to each of their DGM/DGF on their birthdays as well as cards and gifts from me and DH so they get recognised individually by the DCs on their birthdays, just not Mothers Day/Fathers Day.

Each to their own and I don't mind what everyone else does but it's Mothers Day not Grandmas Day.

MoonStarsSun · 04/04/2019 13:19

from my DC to their DGPs not my* DGPs!

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 15:20

why are people so mean and hostile about it?

I wouldn't say that there have been a lot of mean and hostile over it, it just seems quite 50/50 and considering no one I've asked in real life does this and no one else in our family does it it has just baffled me that my mum has reacted like this. If she wants a card she can have one on the dedicated grandparents day in October as that'll make more sense to me.

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 04/04/2019 15:35

err - what grandparents' day in October??

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/04/2019 16:35

no one else in our family does it it has just baffled me that my mum has reacted like this. If she wants a card she can have one on the dedicated grandparents day in October as that'll make more sense to me.

I don’t understand your attitude about this, OP.

I wouldn’t automatically get one for my mum, but if she expressed that it was something she wanted, I would get her a grandma card for mother’s day to make her happy, because I love her and I want her to be happy.

It’s such a small thing but it obviously means a lot to her. I just don’t understand why you would be so stubborn to deliberately not get her one. It’s not about you.

Are you not close with your mum? Do you not have a good relationship or history?

Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 17:18

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue There is no history at all but the ship has sailed on this mothers day so I can't get her a mothers day card from my son now, can I? So she will now have to wait till grandparents day in October to get a card because it's going to be glaringly obvious otherwise that I've done it because she had a go at me for not getting her one before. Plus the fact they're not for sale anymore. Oh and I still think it odd but if it makes her happy then so be it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohnonotuagain · 04/04/2019 17:23

Also, @WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue , if you read my OP you'll see i didn't deliberately not get her one, I didn't know it was a thing to get a grandparent who isn't overly involved in their grandchild's life (also not deliberately) a card. Until the evening of mothers day she hadn't mentioned she wanted a card, it's only pretty much after the fact that she had a go at me for my only just 1 year old son not getting her a mother's day card. It's my first mothers day as a mother, this is all new to me.

It’s not about you - clearly not. I've now learnt that actually it is about all females in his life on mother's day, not just me, his mother.

OP posts:
KNain · 04/04/2019 18:21

I think it just depends on the done thing in your family. On Mother's Day we send cards to:

  • DM from me and DH
  • MIL from DH and me
  • DM from my children (they're only little)
  • MIL from my children
  • Both my Grandmothers from me and DH
  • Both my Grandmothers from my children
  • DH's Grandmother from DH and Me
  • DH's Grandmother from the children

So 10 cards in total. Plus I get a card from each of my DC. I appreciate this is probably not the norm, but I have always sent cards to my Grandmothers so wouldn't ever think not to, nor would it have occurred to me that my children wouldn't send them to their grandmothers/great-grandmothers.

It's just a card and I know they love getting them and it gives them pleasure so why not?

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/04/2019 19:08

The implication in the comment I highlighted OP was that you wouldn’t ever bother getting her a card on Mother’s Day despite knowing she would like one because it ‘doesn’t make sense to you’.

And don’t be so facetious. It’s not all females in his life. It’s his grandmother.

Clearly the ship has sailed this year.

CantStopMeNow · 04/04/2019 19:20

It's my first mothers day as a mother, this is all new to me
She sure found a way to shit on it for you didn't she?

I think any grandparent expecting a Mother's Day card from their grandchildren (excluding extenuating circumstances) is extremely narcissistic.
It seems to me like they want to be recognized as the only important mother - it's as though they resent you being a mother in your own right.

Don't pander to her - she can have a card on Grandparent's Day from your ds and she will have to simply be happy with that.

I'd have just asked replied that only YOU as the mother of your child should be getting a Mother's Day card.....just like you giving her one and not another significant female member of the family.