Page 4 | Mothers day card to grandma

Ohnonotuagain · 2019-04-03T22:24:28+00:00

I was 'told off' by my mum for not sending her a card on mother's day from my child. I've seen them in the shops but wasn't aware that sending cards to grandparents on mother's day was a thing. Or is it? Mum does little childcare for us, maybe 2 overnights in the space of 1 year and the odd hour or two here maybe monthly so it's not as though we use her a lot. No backstory. Who is being unreasonable?

MoonStarsSun · 04/04/2019 21:38

KNain Not criticising but genuinely interested, why would you/do you send your grandmothers cards from your young children on Mothers Day? It's not a judgement on what you do, but beyond "it's what we've always done/it makes them happy why do you do it? (logically speaking?) I can't say enough that I'm not criticising but I can't wrap my head around the real meaning of sending your DGM a Mothers Day card from your young DCs. (in terms of as opposed to older DCs who have decided themselves they want to do it for their own reasons).

PhillipeFellope · 04/04/2019 22:02

why would you/do you send your grandmothers cards from your young children on Mothers Day?

Because they adore each other. My grandma is 84, she thinks the sun shines out of my DS in every sense, a card with his little handprint and a picture he's drawn fills her with happiness and pride. My ds is 2, he likes to paint his hands and draw pictures and give presents. It's just a no brainer for me

hopelessatthinkingupusernames · 04/04/2019 22:10

Not unreasonable at all. I get cards for my grans but that’s only cos my parents are both dead. When my parents were alive they would just put my name on their card and we do the same with MIL

Weepingwillow5 · 04/04/2019 22:12

I had this complaint early on - I ignored it and the complaint wasn’t repeated - it’s not Grandmas day

LordWheresMyShoes · 04/04/2019 22:14

I did (was bought and given to sign until old enough) cards for my grandparents on mother's and father's day. But if you hadn't done it before is a bit weird to start.

WatershedMoment · 04/04/2019 22:21

"Why does childcare by grandma come into this? She's a grandma whether she does childcare or not.

Childcare by grandparents seems to be a bit of an obsession on Mumsnet"

This!^
It seems the worth of a Grandparent is judged in direct relation to how often they babysit!

Lolwhat · 04/04/2019 22:55

I always do a mother’s day card for my nans, great nans and step mum🤔

Tobebythesea · 04/04/2019 22:59

I nipped this in the bud this year. My DH wanted to get our DD to send a card to his mum like the last 2 years. I said no as she’s not her mum.

MoonStarsSun · 04/04/2019 23:01

PHilippe but you could do this (card with handprints from DGC) on any day . What's the real significance of a card to a DGM on Mother's Day? It's Mother's Day. If a DGM is a Grandma then it's not a mother (to that grandchild).

It doesn't make any sense.

Personally I think the notion of sending grandmas cards from their grandchildren on Mothers Day been dreamed up just to sell more cards cynical

Not a critisism of those who do. I just see that a lot of people do it because the cards are there to buy, simple as that.

PhillipeFellope · 05/04/2019 07:29

MoonStarsSun it doesn't make sense to you and that's OK.

She doesn't need to be his mother, she's his grandmother. I suppose though if she wasn't a mother then I wouldn't be a mother. If it wasn't for my grandma's, I wouldn't be here.

And I love them. And so does my son. And most importantly, it makes her happy, and me happy, and my son happy, which is reason enough for me.

I've been making/choosing and sending cards for my grandma's since I was 3 or 3. In 33 next time, it's not a new thing.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 05/04/2019 08:31

Tobe 'nipped in the bud' has to be one of my most hated phrases and I find your use of it baffling. What on earth is wrong with sending Grandma a card? Will you 'nip it in the bud' if your DC themselves want to send Grandma a card. Just makes you look petty, insecure and rather spiteful.

LuaDipa · 05/04/2019 08:41

We’ve always sent cards and flowers to both MIL and DM from the dc, and where possible we always make the effort to see them both on the day. It’s a very small gesture that makes them very happy. Why wouldn’t we show appreciation for everything they do for us? My dm always encouraged us to send Mother’s Day cards to our dgm too, and I am not young, so I agree it’s not a new thing!

Original poster

Ohnonotuagain · 05/04/2019 19:09

It has been interesting reading this thread and I've thought about it lots, mulling over in my head why I got the reaction from my mum that I did. I was never made to or asked to send the only grandma I knew (though she is now no longer with us) a card on mother's day so I'm still none the wiser why my mum wants to start this tradition now or why she was so angry that she didn't get one given it's never been done before in our family or my husband's family.

I obviously can't do anything about it now but next year I will get her a card even though I do think someone telling you to buy a card for them takes away from the point of the card, but if it makes her happy I will buy her one.

I hope to god my son's future partner doesn't feel they need to get me a mother's day card if they have kids way way way in the future!

OP posts:

GunpowderGelatine · 05/04/2019 19:17

I do it for MIL because she is very involved in my DC lives and helps us out with childcare now and again. I don't for my mum as she barely knows their names. It's all relative really.

2rebecca · 05/04/2019 21:16

I just see it as a work creation scheme for the women whose day it is supposed to be. I don't know anyone who sends granny etc cards though but I don't see it as a positive thing for mothers or feminism. Great for the greeting card industry though.

Lambzig · 05/04/2019 21:21

I get the kids to draw one for my stepmother. She married my father when I was an adult and I know that her previous marriage failed because she couldn’t have children. She adores my DC and I feel that as she doesn’t get a card from anyone else (it would be so weird for me to send one) it’s nice to send her one.

It annoys me immeasurably that DH now tries to muscle in on this and get the DC to send one to his mother too as she also gets ones from him and his siblings.

2rebecca · 05/04/2019 23:04

I can see the point in sending your stepmother one then, and its just 1 person. If my son has kids I wouldn't expect him to make his kids send me one. I'd be surprised if he sends one though (he's not big on card sending but then he's also not bothered if he doesn't receive any). I was rubbish at mothers day cards at his age seeing it as a capitalistic unenvironmental waste. I got more in to sending my mum stuff when I got older. I'd usually phone her though and she knew I loved her.
I do feel sending cards to uncle tom cobbly and all makes a nonsense of the whole idea though and just turns it in to national Hallmark day.

DrWhy · 05/04/2019 23:17

*why would you/do you send your grandmothers cards from your young children on Mothers Day?

Because they adore each other. My grandma is 84, she thinks the sun shines out of my DS in every sense, a card with his little handprint and a picture he's drawn fills her with happiness and pride. My ds is 2, he likes to paint his hands and draw pictures and give presents. It's just a no brainer for me grin*

Yep, me too. DS adores grandma and likes to make something to send to her and she dotes on both DS and DD (who is to young to reciprocate yet). I love my mum very much and the best gift I can give her on Mother’s Day is a card from DGC. She has told me several times how much she liked this years card and all the stickers he’d put on it and how it makes her smile. The necklace and earrings I bought her she said were lovely but hasn’t mentioned since. I can’t believe how many people would begrudge making their mum or MIL happy by doing this just to prove a point that it’s ‘Mothers’ day only.

2rebecca · 05/04/2019 23:41

It's not proving a point. I just don't know anyone who does this and when my son was small it wasn't a thing. We never sent our grandparents stuff on mothers day as kids, my parents sent their mums stuff. Mothers' day was a day for giving mum a card, making her a cup of tea giving her a bunch of flowers and trying not to fight and annoy her too much. Grandparents were loved but not part of mothers day for us.

PhillipeFellope · 06/04/2019 07:11

I just don't know anyone who does this and when my son was small it wasn't a thing

I know loads of people who do it, I'm almost 33 and have always done it, so I u s always been "a thing" for us. Just because you personally didnt/don't doesn't mean it's not fairly widespread.

I'm quite an ardent feminist but I think you're clutching ever so slightly to suggest it's anti-women for a person to choose to send their own grandma a card it's not compulsory, as this thread proves. And family, especially close family, isn't "uncle Tom Cobbly and all". Its just a card.

JuniorAsparagus · 06/04/2019 07:24

I have three adult children and only one of them got me a card.
For years I reused one DD gave me and it became a sort of tradition.
I would think it a bit odd if my grandchildren gave me a card. I view all these things as a way for card manufacturers to make money.

PetsFactor · 06/04/2019 08:25

Wait til grandparents day, and then send a card. Your point will be made then :)

ClinkyMonkey · 06/04/2019 09:12

I think there's such a difference between the genuine desire to give Grandmother a card for Mothers Day and obligation based on their expectations. Just because the card exists doesn't mean it has to be sent. DP's mother is not a doting grandmother. She is very controlling and believes that cards are a reflection of how much her family loves her. Everyone toes the line to keep the peace and, sadly, because they still seek her approval.

Saltisford · 06/04/2019 09:16

I’ve always bought cards and gifts for my mum and nan on mother’s day - my whole life. I’d be in big trouble if I suddenly didn’t! I just presumed everyone did this!

UtterlyDesperate · 06/04/2019 09:27

I was doing this as a child 45 years ago - it's not a new concept, despite the amount of MN who proclaim that because they didn't do something, nobody did

I think people should do what they feel comfortable with, though - so if you/DH included grandmothers in childhood, then it's normal for you. If neither of you did, then it's up to you to decide whether it's going to be your "own tradition" (also a much-loved MN concept ) or not.