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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people really dont understand fears?

99 replies

Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:23

I am really fed up of people acting like people with fears are just being irrational and can just get over it like it's easy. When the whole point of fears is that they aren't rational.

I am particularly fed up about this today as at work today I told them that an part of an activity that we are doing this week is something I'm terrified of and they just acted like I was being silly and got told "dont be silly you will be fine once it comes to it". It is very rare I ever say I wont do something. In fact I never say I can't so it's not like I'm one ot those people who refuses to do things. I'm dreading the activity and they just wont listen.

Does anyone else find this?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 02/04/2019 22:29

Well you can get over it to some degree and some fears are irrational.
I really don’t like heights, but there have been many occasions where i’ve had to go up much higher than I feel comfortable either to rescue a small child, so get somewhere I need to go (eg. ski lift) or just to do something someone else needs me to do - work or personal stuff.

Hairynick · 02/04/2019 22:29

I have a phobia of a ridiculous every day object, it's real bit anytime over told people they think it's hilarious and like to wave it in my face etc...ynbu

Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:33

Ok mine is rides I just cant cope with them. I freeze and cant even get on them even little ones freak me out. I know if I did a tonne of work I could probably get better with them but as they are something I dont really have to deal with most days I've never seen the point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:34

Its something I've always been scared of even as a child.

OP posts:
Houseonahill · 02/04/2019 22:42

I know what you mean sort of I'm terrified of spiders, I can't even look at pictures of them, I can just about cope with those spindly grass ones but I would majorly freak out if one got on me and those big fuckers literally reduce me to tears. You could offer me a million pounds to hold one and I couldn't do it. Spiders are generally a more accepted fear so people get it a bit but still think it's hilarious to pretend to throw them at things Hmm. You are fears are irrational and people should be more understanding, if I could "just get over it" it wouldn't be a fear.

bloodywhitecat · 02/04/2019 22:47

I think it's the difference between a fear and a phobia. I don't particularly like heights but I can push myself to face that fear but for years I was phobic about vomiting, I locked myself in my room and became a recluse when noro was doing the rounds one year. I couldn't go to work, or the shops or even face my family because I was irrationally scared of the idea that I might come into contact with someone who was sick. I would even starve myself when I heard there was a sickness bug doing the rounds.

Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:54

I think that might be the difference I do feel stupid that I panic so much in the line for them. I feel like I'm about to die and its completely irrational as I would quite happily do something that was genuinely dangerous. When I'm near them all I want to do is run away. It's so stupid but now I'm expected to do it and I don't know how I'm going to hold it together. Even thinking about it is making me feel terrified.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 22:55

@bloodywhitecat I agree, I'm afraid of heights, have to breathe deeply, convince myself to do things, still get an argument sick feeling in the pit of my stomach but I can get over it. So I've been on the Mittal orbital slide, I've been abseiling and ziplined through the jungle in Mexico last year, every time my legs tremble I want to back out but I can do it and once I have it is exhilarating, of that was a phobia I wouldn't be able to rationalise and overcome it

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 22:56

*awful sick feeling

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2019 22:57

Unless you work for Alton Towers I can’t see how going on rides is a compulsory work thing. What if you had a bad back or were pregnant? Don’t want to? Don’t do it.
People don’t understand proper phobias. They think it’s being a bit scared. If you have a phobia of something that affects everyday life then it’s worth tackling. But this? Just don’t do it.

Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:58

That's what I mean I've tried so many times just to get on one and I completely lose it. I always end up jumping off the other side or running back up the line. I know this will just ruin it for others and I really dont know what to do about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 22:59

Its with a school and I've been made to feel I will ruin it for the child I am with if I dont do it.

OP posts:
DrinkReprehensibly · 02/04/2019 23:01

@Hairynick is it buttons? My DH is scared of buttons and I find it hard to get my head around and it really amazes people but it's apparently quite a common one. A woman from my office has it too! My DH can't really explain why.

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2019 23:01

Can’t someone else take the child on the actual rides? It’ll be pretty awful for you and them if you get in the queue and have a full blown panic attack?
You can’t be the only adult. Who’s running the trip? Haven’t you told them that this just isn’t possible for you?
And Flowers you sound so stressed.

Hairynick · 02/04/2019 23:04

Omg drink it is!!!! People just see it as a joke but I'm terrified.

Original poster
Hamsterdancer · 02/04/2019 23:05

I have told them we are one to one so it makes it difficult. I just got told not to be silly and that I will be fine. I think because I'm usually pretty laid back they are thinking I'm just being awkward. I do feel really stupid for being like this as it is pretty pathetic in the scheme of things.

OP posts:
TotHappy · 02/04/2019 23:06

My husband's is balloons. Fear not phobia. He can stand to be around them and bravely does now we have a daughter but is really really uncomfortable.
I try not to take the piss but it is hard.

WhoTFIsAlanBrazil · 02/04/2019 23:06

OP, I get it. Mine is a phobia of dogs, which is more common but there are still lots of people who think I should just "get a grip" and if I just learnt to love their precious pet I would be just fine Hmm

How many adults will be there? Any chance you could just be in touch of logistics, ie sort out tickets, lunch etc?

WhoTFIsAlanBrazil · 02/04/2019 23:07

*in charge

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2019 23:07

It is NOT pathetic. You can’t do it.
Ideally you would have made this clear before now but someone else needs to do the actual taking the child on a ride. Or do all the kids need 121 help? What would happen if you were unwell?

pallisers · 02/04/2019 23:11

I wouldn't get on a ride (feel exactly the same about them -even the baby rollercoasters) for work. No way. Look them straight in the eye and say "actually I will not be doing that. Nothing you say will change my mind. You will need to find an alternative if you need one adult per child." (bet there is a child who also doesn't want to go on a ride btw)

Auntieaunt · 02/04/2019 23:11

I have a huge fear of being tickled as I laugh controllably and feel like I'm being suffocated. My boyfriend still doesn't get - I hate being teased with the idea of being tickled, any sudden movements or even holding small animals as their little paws can slightly tickle. Yep people find it hilarious and want to tickle me just to see how ticklerlish I actually am.

Purpleartichoke · 02/04/2019 23:13

There are many reasons a 1to1 support couldn’t go in a ride. There are health conditions that prevent rises posted at the entrance to every single one. I would be surprised if you are the only person who can’t/strongly prefers not participate

usernameblock · 02/04/2019 23:18

I also have a phobia of an every day item & people think it's hilarious to wave them in my face, or put them in my bag. It's completely irrational, but that doesn't make it any less real! I think you have to simply say you can't do it & offer to assist in another way. You always need a bag-watcher/coat carrier at a theme park.....

RomanticFatigue · 02/04/2019 23:21

Oh god, don't get me started OP! The armchair psychologists who have never heard of my phobia until I tell them about it then proceed to monologue about what I need to do to "get over it" give me the rage!