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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to call DH a different name...

125 replies

RedSpottyKettle · 05/03/2019 19:24

Name changed as this is outing.
I think DH has lost the plot. Last night he told me for some time he has been considering changing his name. He would like something more formal. His (current?) name is traditionally a nickname and there is no more formal equivalent. He was a musician but is training to be a secondary teacher this year. I love his name, and can’t imagine calling him something else but if it’s his name...

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 05/03/2019 19:26

If he wants to change it to something that “looks right” professionally there is no reason for you to change what you call him at home.

FlashingLights101 · 05/03/2019 19:27

I guess it depends on the current name... Do you mean his parents called him something like Jez but not Jeremy? Or it's like Dan but he doesn't like Daniel?

Ultimately it's his name but I can see how it would be weird for you to call him something different after all this time. Perhaps he could change it for work and have a 'professional' name but keep his other name for family and friends?

MitziK · 05/03/2019 19:27

Why would you have to change what you call him? Nobody cares what somebody is known by at home - the only difference would be in the formal stuff.

steff13 · 05/03/2019 19:29

I was thinking maybe his name is something like Jack and he would rather something like William?

If he wants to change his name, I think it's up to him, but I would be like you, I wouldn't want to change what I called him.

SavoyCabbage · 05/03/2019 19:30

My dh changed his name as his name was daft and he felt it was holding him back. I thought it would be dead weird but somehow it wasn't. I suppose like when I changed my maiden name to my married name.

His parents still,call him by his old name but nobody else does.

Kittykat93 · 05/03/2019 19:30

Agree with pps why on earth would you start calling him different? It's only a professional name.

RebootYourEngine · 05/03/2019 19:30

Would he be happy with you using his name at home but change it for professional situations?

Original poster
RedSpottyKettle · 05/03/2019 19:34

It’s like being called billy or Freddie or Danny. That’s the name on his birth certificate. The name he is considering isn’t the longer version of his current name. It’s completly different.

OP posts:
Kismetjayn · 05/03/2019 19:36

I changed my name to an entirely different one and my OH still calls me a nickname based on my old name, as do the two old friends I have from before I changed my name. It's fine. I just was sick of introducing myself with a name I had nothing but bad feelings around.

Cherrysoup · 05/03/2019 19:37

Very strange! A friend opted to use her middle name at school, I found it difficult to remember but at least it was her own name. Why does he want a brand new name?

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 19:42

I think it would not be at all odd to want to officially be called the formal version of his nicknamey given name as he moves into a new life phase with a new career. Not odd at all.

It is odd that he's chosen something unconnected, and that he wants you to change what you call him. Especially going into teaching I would imagine a radical name change will raise eyebrows, and make his paper trail suspect.

Why won't he adopt the formal version of his nickname style-given name?

JasonGideon · 05/03/2019 19:43

The kids won’t know his first name?

EggysMom · 05/03/2019 19:45

Does he have a second name, that he could use?
I still struggle to think of an old friend by his 'public' (middle name) as I knew him through school by his first name, so I still call him that Smile

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 19:49

I just reread that there's no more formal equivalent. How can that be? Is he not called Dan/ Billy/ Teddy (which should be pet forms of Daniel/ William/ Edward) but "Champ" or "Buddy" or something that's purely a generic nickname, not even a pet form of a real name?

If his given name is a bit ridiculous it's understandable he'd want a real name for his CV and colleagues and for job applications and interviews, nothing to do with the kids knowing (but if he has a silly name they will find out and use it behind his back).

exexpat · 05/03/2019 19:52

Are you sure he wants you to use that name at home as well?

My father was known by one name at work and another by friends and family, as his 'official' name (first name) was the same as his father, so he grew up being called his middle name at home.

On the other hand, a friend's husband announced at age 30 or so that he had always hated his name and wanted to be known as Robert instead, including by his wife. I am not sure what his wife and family thought, but they all adapted after a while and I now can't remember what the original name was (it was something very normal and inoffensive). You would probably get used to whatever it is within a few months.

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 19:54

That shouldn't stop his wife using the name she's always called him though. If you've always known him as Buddy or whatever he'd be unreasonable to want RedSpottyKettle to call him anything else, and it shouldn't necessarily raise eyebrows as lots of people are called by a nickname by close family and friends.

It isn't unreasonable to want a "real" name for work and career but it is unreasonable to expect your wife and parents to change what they call you

Singlenotsingle · 05/03/2019 19:56

Like Zowie Bowie changed his name to Duncan Jones?

DogInATent · 05/03/2019 19:58

What you call him at home and what he's called professionally are completely different things. Let him change his name.

What he could consider doing is adding the new name to his second, so if his birth certificate says Bob Smith and he wants to be known as Kenneth he could change it to either Kenneth Bob Smith or Bob Kenneth Smith.

FWIW I'm known by two completely different names (different forename and surname) by people that know me professionally and those that know through by social media. These days I answer to both when out, as people tend to remember the one they first came across me under.

Guineapiglet345 · 05/03/2019 19:59

I suspect there will be a lot of Billy, Freddie, Teddy and Charlie’s doing this in about 15 years time!

I’ve known a couple of people who’ve changed their names and it’s amazing how quickly you get used to it.

TheQueensCousin · 05/03/2019 19:59

If he thinks that it will sound more professional and help his application then I agree with him. Thinking back, when we named DS we considered how his name would sound and what image it might conjure when he entered the workplace. Obviously we loved the name first and foremost.
Can't you still call him his current name though?

IncrediblySadToo · 05/03/2019 20:06

Would you be able to accept it if he allowed you some imput into his choice of name? I think I’d find it really weird if his name was something ordinary like Dan or Billy, but more understandable if it’s s something like Teddy or Bear, but I would TRY to accept that he doesn’t like it and it’s his name. I would expect MY DH to include me and to want me to help him choose.

Is he open to discussing this or is he adamanant it’s happening and set on a specific name?

How would he feel about you still using his current name?

IF he’s genuinely doing this because of training to be a teacher, I think he needs to speak to someone who can help him decide if this will help or hinder that. I FEEL it would hinder, rather than help, but that’s only my opinion.

overtheirishsea · 05/03/2019 20:09

*@DogInATent *
*What you call him at home and what he's called professionally are completely different things. Let him change his name.

What he could consider doing is adding the new name to his second, so if his birth certificate says Bob Smith and he wants to be known as Kenneth he could change it to either Kenneth Bob Smith or Bob Kenneth Smith.

FWIW I'm known by two completely different names (different forename and surname) by people that know me professionally and those that know through by social media. These days I answer to both when out, as people tend to remember the one they first came across me under.*

Posie Parker?

Dahlietta · 05/03/2019 20:11

I'm a secondary teacher and am happy to confirm that neither colleagues nor pupils would give a shit about a teacher being called Billy or Freddie or Danny. Is that really what it's about or does he have some other issue surrounding his name?

Cynderella · 05/03/2019 20:11

Is it related to training as a teacher? It won't make any difference if he changes his name to something that sounds more formal - nobody will judge his application on his name.

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/03/2019 20:12

The suggestions of keeping his current name as a middle name (or indeed adding a middle name as his known as name) are good, and also make the paper train for degree/ A level certificates and police checks less odd,as well as it sounding less incongruous/ suspicious when you use his original name in front of colleagues.