To not want to call DH a different name...

[RedSpottyKettle]

Name changed as this is outing.
I think DH has lost the plot. Last night he told me for some time he has been considering changing his name. He would like something more formal. His (current?) name is traditionally a nickname and there is no more formal equivalent. He was a musician but is training to be a secondary teacher this year. I love his name, and can’t imagine calling him something else but if it’s his name...

Does he want to be called Doris ?

You can call yourself anything you want as long as there is no intent to defraud. Actual deed poll, etc, isn't necessary, it just makes some people feel more 'authentic'.
I know loads of people with multiple names (I mix a lot with writers and other performers). Also, whatever you call your DC, a lot of them will grow up to be known (to their mates) as either some variation on their given name or a completely different one. Some cultures. at least in the past, have made a feature of this, with it being expected that people change their names when they become adults, or that people have a 'real' name which is only shared with those they are closest to. Think about the difference between being called [title-surname] and [first name or nickname].

Does he have/like a middle name? My granny, auntie and neighbour all use their middle names instead of their first names. Everybody calls them by their middle names but to be fair, they always have done.

It would be easier all round than changing his name by deed poll.

Is it really to sound more professional, or because he's been unhappy with his name for a while and a change of career is one of the very few opportunities in life when making such a change is relatively easy?

I've known a few people that have chose to switch how they're known between the forename and middle name at some point in their lives - usually when changing school or when they went to uni/college. This isn't really a big deal.

As others have asked, @RedSpottyKettle why do you think that you will need to use this new name? Has he told you this or is it something you're assuming?

It's his call and you will get used to it. I hope the parents thinking of calling babies odd names or shortenings read this thread - having a professional sounding first name is important, then have a nickname.

It'll feel odd for a while but you'll get used to it. If it's what he wants then why not? It won't hurt you. Are you sure he even minds you still calling him by his old name? He might not be bothered, but if he is then you need to respect that.

I imagine it’s along the lines of Jimmy and now wanting to be called James. Jonny to Jonathan etc.

I’m a teacher and have a ‘nick name’ like name. It’s never made a blind bit of difference if that’s what he’s worrying about. I work with a lady called Jan, not short for anything like Janet or Janice and she’s doing very well for herself.

Patal why bother 'imagining' when you can actually read what the OP has written, only three posts thus far so hardly onerous:

"The name he is considering isn’t the longer version of his current name. It’s completly different." and "his(current?) name is traditionally a nickname and there is no more formal equivalent"

so actually along the lines of Jonny now wanting to be called Richard.
Which, yes, is weird.

Unless his name is incredibly out there I can't really see the point. He's going to be teacher, there are millions of them with loads of different names. Plus aren't the pupils only ever going to call him 'Sir' or 'Mr X' anyway, not his first name?

I don't understand how, if his name is traditionally a nickname, that there isn't a more formal equivalent. There must be- otherwise he couldn't have the nickname version!

I think we all have the right to be known by the name of our choice and to expect it to be pronounced correctly.

It would feel very disrespectful to address someone by a name that they had told me they preferred me not to use.

I had 2 friends change what they wanted to be called by.

Originally, it felt a bit weird, but I very soon got used to it!

One was a girl backpacking to Oz who didn't want to be called Sheila there (although it's an outdated idea, the use of the word 'Sheila' to mean 'any female', these days!); she picked a nice Biblical name out of the blue; the other was a bloke in his 30s, travelling, who I told the story too who admitted he hated his name, Ron, so we brainstormed alternatives and came up with the diminutive of his middle name (think 'Rob') which he's used ever since. 'Rob' suited him far better.

I'd like to change my name to Allegra just because I love it but it'd be too weird! I'd also love to change my surname because I do hate my silly one and it would be more of a normal thing to do but even that feels a little odd if you aren't getting married.

Fresta

I don't understand how, if his name is traditionally a nickname, that there isn't a more formal equivalent. There must be- otherwise he couldn't have the nickname version!

I was a bit confused too at first, but I think you can have names that are nicknames but not diminutives in the sense that they could be a nickname that might be given to anyone regardless of their real name - for example Buddy, Lofty, Titch...I’m struggling to think of many examples though, especially ones that might actually be put on the birth certificate.

My friend changed her name about three years ago. She said she didn't mind if I kept calling her by her old name, and I did, for a few months. But really quickly it became normal to call her the new name - it was on her facebook page, all her work colleagues called her it, she moved house and her new neighbours called her it. It was surprisingly easy to make the 'switch' in my head, and honestly, she's the same person, just a different name.

Her mum and dad still call her by her old name though, and I can see how it would be hard if it were my DH instead.

My aunt changed her name because she didn’t like her old one. Seems a bit odd to me but harmless. That was before she got married but her parents called her by her new name even though they’d chosen the original name.

I must admit I’d find it an adjustment if my husband suddenly announced he wanted to be called Fred for example.

“I don't understand how, if his name is traditionally a nickname, that there isn't a more formal equivalent. There must be- otherwise he couldn't have the nickname version!”

Spike?

Thinking about it, I hardly ever call my husband by his name though- I suppose when talking about him to a mutual friend I would, but I rarely need to use his name when talking TO him and when I talk about him to my son he’s obviously Daddy.

I'd just call him whatever he wants to be known as - why wouldn't you?

In practice, I've found that people who want to change their names often back down when they have to tell their family - see how it goes.

Like oopslateagain, I have a good friend who changed his name in his late 20s and we all adapted quite easily. I'd say it took about 6 months to switch from thinking of him as 'David whom I must remember to call James', to 'James'. Now it seems totally natural to call him 'James'.

15 years on, there is no sign that the name change was the start of some existential crisis: he's a happily married dad of 3. He just didn't like his original name (though it was a perfectly normal one) and didn't want to spend the rest of his life being called a name he disliked.

If it would make him happy - doesn't seem like a biggie ? Don't quite understand why it would bother you unless he is going to get cross with you if you get it wrong.

I would guess it was less him being worried about what people will think, and more that retraining/career change is an opportunity to reinvent himself a bit

I've had family members change their name - it took a while, and I still use the wrong one occasionally, but you get there.

On the other hand, I got to know DP by his nickname, then had to learn to use his long name when we lived with his parents, and now have to remember to go back to the nickname because we work with a lot of non-english speaking people who have no idea that the long name and the short name are the same name!

Why would you call him by the new name?

Lots of people have pet names for their partners anyway. No expectations that you will use the name.

I call Dh by the long version of his name and no one else does. The short version is just a bit crap to yell out during sex

I have a friend who decided shortly after Uni to start using his middle name instead of first name as main name. So anyone who's met him since then knows him by his middle name, whereas his family still call him by his first name. I've only ever known him since he became Name 2, so that's what I call him but met his brother when he visited and always had to think when he used Name 1! Another friend changed his name because he was an actor an had to have a different name for equity card. He's no longer working as an actor, but kept the name. I'm guessing his mum still calls him Name 1 though...

I'm guessing his nick type name is Paddy with the correct version being Patrick.

I think the biggest question is, if he did change his name, would he expect you to use it.

I understand, especially if he’s got a name like Sonny, Buzz or Spike.

I’ve knew a brother and sister who had unusual names, think Camera, both changed their names when they started work so they would be taken seriously.

Doesn’t seem to stop Doctor Pixie though.