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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask whether you like your Stepmom

104 replies

Kneehigim · 26/02/2019 08:08

and if so at what age did she enter your life?

I don't consider mine a Stepmum.

I despise her and I was 17. I don't speak to her or about her. She is a cunt of the highest order.

OP posts:

Monst3ra · 26/02/2019 08:11

Love mine. She's been around since I was 7.

Divgirl2 · 26/02/2019 08:18

My dad has been married twice (after my mum) - the first he got with when I was about 3, the second when I was in my 20s. Love the first, still see her and her family even though she and my dad split up 10 years ago. The second wishes I didn't exist (which is fine, I totally get it). I don't hate her but we're very different people and she doesn't make any effort to see me or be there when I visit them. Her loss - I'm fabulous.

Cornettoninja · 26/02/2019 08:20

Not in my life anymore (thank god) but no. She was a grade A wanker. Completely stereotypical SM who started off as the OW and had a serious drinking problem. She was like something off shameless.

I was about 13/14.

MamaDane · 26/02/2019 08:26

I think mine is nice and she makes my dad happy. Unlike his ex wife (not my mum) who was rather unstable. But I think they've been together for about a decade, since I was 17.

I don't refer to her as my stepmum though.

Toughmonkeys · 26/02/2019 08:29

I was early 20s when mine came on the scene. She's alright, prefers my sister to me but that doesn't bother me.

TescoValue · 26/02/2019 08:32

They're not married but been together a long time, was about 13 I think. Thought she was weird to start with because she thought her kids could do no wrong and they were little shits. But she's much better now and I love her!
DP's step mum came on the scene when he was 7, his dad and her are divorced now but we still see her all the time now and he's 21! Funny because he hated her at the time because she would put restrictions on Xbox/make him clean up etc but now he has a child he's realised she wasn't being a witch

Wedgiecar58 · 26/02/2019 08:32

Love mine to death! She came into my life when I was about 21 so by no means a child and she’s always treated me and my younger brother (also an adult) with respect and kindness. She doesn’t have any children of her own and it was in her best interest to get on with us and have a friendly relationship with my mum.

Absolutely love her, she’s so kind and caring and loves us like family. I even send her a mother’s day Card each yeah.

leftovercoffeecake · 26/02/2019 08:33

I absolutely hate her and have no contact with her at all.

She came into my life when I was 13. She loves my brother, because he's very similar to my dad, but has always hated me because I'm so similar to my mum. We didn't share in the same interests but instead of accepting that, she tried to convince me that I was 'broken'. She often told me how messed up I was because I didn't want to watch football, or go on scary rollercoasters on holiday.

The final straw was a meal we went for to celebrate my 18th birthday. She got very drunk and started telling me how my mother has ruined me and how she's damaged me and what a terrible person she is. My mum is amazing and I wasn't going to let anyone talk about her like that. Completely cut her out since. Absolute cow.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 26/02/2019 08:38

My step mum thinks shes the perfect mum despite the fact she didnt have custody of her own children. Was constantly putting making my mum out to be shite, made up shit about her keepung me and my brother in our bedrooms (not true we just didnt get on an chose to play sepetately) my dad swallowed it hook line and sinker. Even thought it was ok when her children who had never met my mum slagged my mum of both my brother and i are NC with our dad and her now. My brother was about 8 and i was about 5

On the other hand my god children love their step mum. She was amazing in helping those intinal first arguements over access and the parents struggling to agree anything she always made it work so everyone was happy and the kids got to their dads. When they were about 11,9 and 5.

So i dont think age has much to do with it more the personality of the step mum

FrowningFlamingo · 26/02/2019 08:38

Not particularly. She can be quite horrible but we generally tolerate each other and she can be kind at times.
I love my stepdad dearly though.

Original poster

Kneehigim · 26/02/2019 08:40

I think mine hates that my Dad will put me before her. Plus she's as thick as two planks and can't cook.

OP posts:

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 26/02/2019 08:45

I love my stepdad dearly though

Oh my stepdad is amazing. We didnt have a great bond when i was young, but that more to do with my autism and the fact my dad and stepmum slagged him off and were brilliant at playing "disney family". But hes now one of my biggest supports

whataremyoption · 26/02/2019 08:45

My stepmum married my dad when I was 3 and I adored her, although she isn't really a great person. But I was a child and grew up with her always there. And she was lovely a lot of the time. Sporadic contact now that they have divorced. His new partner is lovely and I'm very fond of her but obviously I met her as an adult so there's no parent/child bond there.

babysharkah · 26/02/2019 08:47

I like mine get in very well with her but she's not really a step mum as I was 35 ish when she came along.

My step dad is more of a father figure as he's been around a lot longer.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 26/02/2019 08:49

First one was when I was 9 or 10 when they met. She was a grade A bitch but that didn't show until a few months in. My DSis and I were very meek, well behaved polite kids (dad was a tyrant and we were too afraid to misbehave). She had two sons who lived with their dad.
She and DF jointly bought a house and despite DSis and I visiting every weekend just like SM's sons, we didn't have a bedroom but the boys had one each with no toys or drawers for us. We had to take one of the boy's rooms and share a single bed whilst the boys had bunk beds. They could kick us out of their room when we got up in a morning. They were much younger and smaller so it was more uncomfortable for DSis and I. All clothes and belongings came home whereas the boys had permanent space there even though we spent the same amount of time visiting.
God knows why dad put up with that. Anyway, they got married and after the wedding DSis and I hardly saw DF. When we did it was weekdays after school and we could no longer sleep over. We were not allowed to see SM and had to take our belongings away leaving no sign we had visited for SM getting home from work. After 6 months of feeling we were sneaking around it became apparent that SM had banned DF from bringing us to their home or even seeing us.
It all kicked off eventually and we were allowed visits again.

At 16 I had to go live with them and despite working PT I wasn't allowed to buy or cook my own meals or buy the foods I liked, I was forced to eat what she did, especially things I hated like fish etc and I couldn't eat until she was home. She wouldn't allow the heating on for when she wasn't in so I would get ready in a morning shivering, seeing my own breath and she wouldn't let DF drive me to college when he was off, willing and able. Instead I had to walk for an hour and catch two buses. DF later found out that SM knew there was a later bus that went directly from the end of our driveway straight to college yet she had told dad the only way I could get to college was via the long trek and buses. My fault for not checking I suppose but I had never done public transport before and believed what she told us. When DF confronted her she laughed and said something about me being a lazy bitch and the walk was perfectly acceptable.I did full time college plus working every evening and weekend so not lazy by any means.

They split when I was an adult.

Next SM is nice enough I guess. She has no patience for children really and actively dislikes my sister's high spirited kids. Mine seem tolerated but it's a bit "walking on eggshells" when we visit. As an adult I don't care that much how she is because DF has his own mind now and won't be pushed around and makes time for us.

GrumpyOldMare · 26/02/2019 08:50

I adore mine.
Dad married her when I was about 9.(my birth mum died) She's always been the best mix of Mum,big sister and friend.Always there for us. Couldn't have picked better myself. I'm really lucky to have had two mums.

BillThePony · 26/02/2019 08:50

My stepmum came into my life at around 15. She is a lovely and was their when dd was born when I had a very sudden quick labour.

Stepdad is also great, my parents went to each other's weddings. I've never experienced any of the issues that a lot of people sadly have.

ChangoMutney · 26/02/2019 08:53

I was 9, she was around 22 to my Dads 36 I thought she was glamorous and wonderful at first. As I grew older I realised she was stupid, I haven’t seen her in over 20 years.

0MrsP · 26/02/2019 08:56

My dad met my stepmum about 20 years ago when I was maybe 12. Don't really remember much about her growing up. She was there, but never made much effort. I didn't dislike her or like her. She had a much better relationship with my brother as he lived there. As an adult I'd go see my dad and she'd not speak, she'd just sit on the sofa and continue with whatever she was doing when I arrived without even acknowledging me. I started to dislike her as I didn't like how my dad behaved, for example, dad would offer me money to help with things, car repairs etc. But it was always followed by don't tell her. Which enraged me, if my dad wants to help me he should be able to do so freely.
However when I had a child of my own she completely changed. She makes so much effort with him and our relationship has improved as a result x

makingmammaries · 26/02/2019 08:59

I adore my stepdaughter and am pretty sure she loves me too.

sanityisamyth · 26/02/2019 08:59

Mine's lovely and has usually been a source of support and advice, especially when I was going through a nasty divorce

LadyMinerva · 26/02/2019 09:00

I get along brilliantly with mine. I was early to mid 20's when they met and it's now been about 20 years (my God where does the time go?!). Was a bit of a effort on both sides to get there because we are very similar people and clashed a bit but now when we are together we refer to each other as mother and daughter.

She makes my DF happy and brings out the best in him and that makes me happy.

SprogletsMum · 26/02/2019 09:01

I love my stepmum she came into my life when I was about 21 and pregnant with my second dc. Shes amazing.

ChrisPrattsFace · 26/02/2019 09:02

I was about five when she came on the scene, she’s a vile woman who openly told my dad she hated kids and we weren’t to speak to her.
23ish years later we have an sensible adult relationship, but she’s still a dick.

CuppaSarah · 26/02/2019 09:03

Though they weren't married my dad was with her for 14 years. We had a rocky start as I was a teenager and dad didn't do a great job introducing us. Plus mum actively encouraged us to dislike her and rewarded us when we didn't get on.

Despite that, after I became a mum and we had common ground we got on so well. She offered me so much help and support and helped me with my pnd. We see each other most weeks even now she's split with dad. We both get a lot of flak from put families about remaining friends, but we've been there for each other for years.

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