to ask whether you like your Stepmom

[Kneehigim]

and if so at what age did she enter your life?

I don't consider mine a Stepmum.

I despise her and I was 17. I don't speak to her or about her. She is a cunt of the highest order.

[Yorkiebar71]

My stepmum was the kindest most amazing person I have ever met. She made my dad incredibly happy but unfortunately died a year ago. I was devastated when she died and still miss her. She's my role model for my own stepchildren. Good ones do exist

[lunar1]

The first one was the OW and lasted five minutes. the second was lovely and we are still inTouch now. The third one was an utter cunt and is still with my dad as far as I know.

[Dimsumlosesum]

Mine was a horrible horrible human being. She had a hard life when she was younger, it really twisted her mind, but she treated me like I was shit under her shoe.

[Dimsumlosesum]

Also loved to tell me after my dad died everything little.thing that was wrong with my mum, and my dad. Just a really messed up, horrible human being.

[Shutupanddance1]

Well - I dunno if I could call someone 4 years older than me my ‘stepmum’. But no I don’t really like her, but I don’t blame her either - my dads a tool

[Kintan]

My husband has had a step mum since he was about 10. The whole family adore her. She came into their lives after their mum died though, so I imagine there are more complicated feelings towards a step mother if the mother is still alive and there was an acrimonious break-up involved.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I’m very fond of mine. I was about 13 when they got together, I was a bridesmaid at their wedding and while she drives me mad with her foot in mouth habit we get along well. She and my mum are friends and we’ve all had holidays together and all meet up for birthdays and Christmas.

Since I’ve been a stepmum i can see how there are plenty of things she and my dad could have handled better. But none of this stuff comes with an instruction manual and I think they probably tried their best. My SM is a wonderful step granny to my step children and I love her for that.

You sound very angry OP, it’s not healthy!

[Adamcgrathagain]

Mine is a cunt of the first order. She was the OW, my father’s secretary, and they got together when I was 2 1/2. She made my childhood miserable. She is an evil, bitter, cruel, vicious, unthinking, moronic, malevolent bitch. I told my father that I would only refer to her as his wife. She was no mother to me. When my brother died she spent his funeral telling other people how she’d cared for him more than our mother. My brother loathed my father’s wife.

Not that my father is blameless. He’s a weak fool who facilitated and allowed her behaviour which my counsellor has described as cruel and abusive.

She was successful in getting rid of my brother and me. Neither of us had a good relationship with our father. I’d dropped to NC. At my brother’s funeral both my father and his wife pretended they couldn’t see me and in my father’s elegy he referred to everyone but me who was close to my brother.

Anger like this may or may not be healthy but I’m finding it’s something that it’s almost impossible to move beyond. I genuinely think I will only be able to get past it once my father’s wife is dead.

[Lostwithoutdirections]

I hate DH’s stepmother. She’s a selfish, narcissistic bitch and I’m looking forward to her aging. I’m not going to her funeral when she finally goes...I’m going to book a manicure then and say a big “fuck you” with champagne.

Unfortunately she’s only 60, so I’ve got a long time to wait!!! In the meantime, I smile and try to be LC as possible. They keep having freaking family birthday lunches, which I go to and grind my teeth 🤮

[UnperfectLife]

My late father's wife? No.

[Janecon]

This is a horrible thread.

[Foslady]

This is all very sad - and a bit worrying. I genuinely hope my partner’s child like me. I listen to them, have stuck up for them when I’ve thought their dad has been unfair, never badmouth their family and get on well with one of the mums and I’m friendly enough with the other (don’t really know her).
We’ve planned to alter our house (partner moved into mine from rented) to make another bedroom for if any of them want to stay over (no pressure on them to but of the youngest one - the others are adults would like to and his mum is ok with it it would be lovely.
When the youngest one is here around his birthday I got him a cake, it was his choice for dinner rather than ‘I’m doing xxxxx, is that ok?’, and went and did something to celebrate.
The older ones we made sure had a more age appropriate time together!
The last thing I want to to drive a barrier in between them and their dad, I just hope I get it right......

[Witchtower]

Mine got together when I was 19. I don’t class her as a stepmum. She’s ok I guess. Minds her own business when she needs too. The only thing which really pisses me off is that she kisses me on the lips when I say hi or bye, rather than a kiss on the cheek.

[Acrasia]

I love my Step Mum, she has been in my life since I was 8.

[NoCauseRebel]

I do wonder how these parents give into pressure from new partners to e.g. have less to do with their children or to cut them out of their lives. Why does that happen?

[TitusAndromedom]

I love my stepmum. I’ve known her since I was four, I think. She was our neighbour and my mum’s best friend. My mum died very suddenly when I was nineteen and my and dad started seeing each other a few months later. I wasn’t at all happy at the time and felt totally abandoned by my dad.

Over the next year I got used to it, though, and they got married about 18 months after my mum died. My stepmum misses my mum a lot and is happy to talk about her and reminisce. She also loves me and is a grandmother to my children and loves them. My dad, as he ages, becomes more difficult and has had a number of health challenges, and it is a relief to me that he has her because we live far away and I would struggle to provide meaningful support.

The whole experience has been painful and difficult, but I’m grateful that my father married someone so committed to preserving the memory of my mother and to caring about me and my family.

[MotherOfDragons90]

Now that I’m an adult I think mine is alright. She seems to make my dad happy which means a lot to me.

It was tense when she moved in though. I was 18, it had been me and my dad for years and because he spent lots of his time at hers (her kids were younger) before they got married I had a lot of freedom and peace. Then her and her four kids moved in and it was quite uncomfortable for me (introvert) so I carried on doing my own thing. As most 18 yr olds would.

I don’t think she really appreciated the dynamic tbh I think she wanted to have one way of doing things (hers) and I didn’t fit into that. My dad wasn’t really keen on her telling me what to do either so it was a bit awkward at times. I don’t think she felt like the house was hers until I’d gone even though I mainly kept myself to myself.

We got on fine since I moved out tho.

[Pk37]

I love mine . I was about 20 I think .

[Phphion]

My dad and stepmother married when I was 11. She has on many occasions been a far better parent to me than either of my biological parents.

[Solasshole]

I love my step mum, although she is more like an aunty role in my life. Then again my mother is/was a terrible mother growing up sooo

My step mum has been a massive positive influence on my younger brother compared to how my mum treated him so I will be always thankful for that. The only thing she does that annoys me is she loves to jump on every health fad craze, but honestly she's a great person otherwise so that quirk is a non-issue

[berrybubbles]

I think I was around 10. Don’t have a relationship with her as my DM poisoned me against her and she isn’t really that great. Forced my DF into marriage which I presume is to get a hold on his money! She’s never worked and is fully capable, never had kids. She doesn’t like kids but likes to take claim to my DD as her ‘Grandma’. Makes me shudder! I wish it could be different tho

[Livelovebehappy]

She was/is OW and appeared in my life when I was 11. Obviously being the OW, she wasn’t a nice person, so it was dislike at first sight. I could never get my head round how someone could be party to destroying a family. I’m now just indifferent to her, but have great relationship with my DF, which she of course hates.

[Junkmail]

I adore mine. But I was 21 when she came into my life. She has made my dad so happy—he’s like a different man—and she has been a wonderful support to me and my sister when my relationship with my actual mum broke beyond repair. She takes everything that I say and do seriously and she takes a genuine interest in my life and who I am as an individual (unlike my actual mum) I just feel very lucky to have her.

[StuntEgg]

I never considered her as my stepmother, just as my dad's new wife. I was 9 at the time, and only later learned she'd been the OW. DSis and I didn't even know about their wedding until afterwards - although her DD was there - and when we first met her we didn't realise she was his wife.

She was always pleasant to us in a distant kind of way, but she seemed so boring and my DSis and I could never understand what our dad saw in her.

Our mum was intelligent, well-read and a great conversationalist, while the new one just did housework and offered us cups of tea when we visited, and told us gossip about her family, none of whom we knew, and as we were still just primary school age we had no clue how to respond to it. She made my dad get rid of all his books and laughed at me once for using a word she hadn't heard before, and ridiculed me for it for years afterwards, like I'd been caught out trying to be shamefully clever when all I'd done was correctly use a normal English word. Otherwise she seemed harmless enough, and I neither liked nor disliked her.

We were seething at her funeral though, when the eulogy made it sound like our mother had ceased to be in our lives and she had brought us up herself whereas we had a perfectly fine DM, and only saw DF and his wife about 3 times a year (though I guess she could hardly be held responsible for what was said!). It did grate to hear about their courting days like a couple of lovestruck teens, when the reality was that he was out dancing with her while DSis and were at home wondering where our dad was. She knew he was married.

[DoctorTwo]

No. She's an excrescence. Not seen her since my father's funeral in 2000 and refuse every invite. Won't see her ever again. Vile woman. Ask her grandson.