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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether you like your Stepmom

104 replies

Kneehigim · 26/02/2019 08:08

and if so at what age did she enter your life?

I don't consider mine a Stepmum.

I despise her and I was 17. I don't speak to her or about her. She is a cunt of the highest order.

OP posts:
KirrinIsland5 · 26/02/2019 09:03

Which one? 🤣🤣🤣

CuppaSarah · 26/02/2019 09:04

Should probably make it clearer but I really do love and care about her. I view her as family and a friend.

Orangehandtowel · 26/02/2019 09:04

My stepmum came into my life at 15.. I hated her at first I saw her as the reason my parent's broke up.
As I got older around 20 I actually grew to like her.
Now we get on really well she's so lovely and supportive.

turkeyboots · 26/02/2019 09:25

Stepmum no 1 was awful and horrible. Had her own kids removed from her by SS. Siblings and I were late teens/early twenties and it seriously damaged our relationship with DF.
Stepmum no 2 is amazing, is just a really sane lovely woman with no agenda. We'll keep her and send DF away if he moves on to wife number 4.
The Step In-laws are both genuinely unpleasant people. We don't see them at all if possible.

Mumlovestoast · 26/02/2019 09:30

Where do I start.........

Think the gold digging nut job met my dad when I was about 26.
She wasn’t the OW, my parents had been divorced at least 18 years by then, but she told her friends she’d been having an affair and broke up their marriage 🙄 she then started changing her appearance, going from her blonde bob, to short brown hair, she changed her clothes and glasses etc, so she looked like my mum (I know, hide the pet rabbits!)
Despite hating all of my dads kids, she felt the need to barge my mum out of the way at my sisters wedding so she could sit at the front, making my mum sit behind her, she made sure she was pride of place on the wedding photos, nobody even wanted her there but my Dsis is too polite to tell her to piss off. I don’t have the same struggles. I happily told DF that she wasn’t welcome when I had my babies. She stops him from speaking to us, he has to sneak round to visit, she deletes his calls and messages to make him think we don’t bother with him. I could rant all day. Think the point I’m making is, she’s a cunt.

Original poster
Kneehigim · 26/02/2019 09:44

Mumlovestoast Yes, mine is a golddigging cnut too.

OP posts:
Coldilox · 26/02/2019 09:47

Not my step mum as not married, but together for over 20 years. We get on very well, like her a lot. Knew her a little before she got together with my dad (she was his PA, total cliche). Became his partner when I was 15. Was upset at first, still maybe hoped parents would get back together (am so glad they didnt, would have been a disaster). But then got to know her better and all good.

Harrietsferrets · 26/02/2019 10:23

The woman my dad married was responsible for splitting up my parents. She has constantly made sure we are never invited to family things unless its christmas eve or christmas eve but thats only because having all her family there it looks weird if we arnt. Ive never been invited to anything my half sister did or birthdays except for the day she got married.She allowed us to go on three holidays with her , my dad and sister in 31 years. If she had her way my brother and me would never be mentioned or seen.

its been 32 years and as a result my relationship with my dad is not close.I have no feelings for her now, I used to have total loathing but she isnt worth the headroom.

vintagesewingmachine · 26/02/2019 11:18

Never had a stepmum as my father died when I was quite young. My Mum remarried though and I adored my Stepdad - just a lovely, lovely man. I miss him terribly.
On the other hand, I am a step mother myself and have always got on well with both my husband's older children. It probably helped that I am not old enough to be their mum so did not try to be so we were simply friends from the outset.

headinhands · 26/02/2019 11:25

I don't speak to her or about her.

Yes you do.

TowelNumber42 · 26/02/2019 11:28

In my late twenties. She's OK. Good for my dad. Tbh I spend very little time with them. I have no major issues with her.

MsHopey · 26/02/2019 11:33

Hated mine.
I think I was about 6 when she met my dad. She was vile and lazy.
She had 2 kids with my dad, left my dad for the next door neighbour when she was 30 and next door neighbour was 19 (his gf was 17 and pregnant with his baby and half siblings were 3 and 6mo).
They didn't last.
Thank fuck shes out my life, I was about 14 when she left.
Poor half brother and half sister though who have her as their real mom and both fucking hate her, so turns out it wasnt a stepmom thing, shes just vile, lazy and selfish, as I suspected.
My dad hasn't been with anyone else since and I still think misses her, he must be bloody mad. The kids have had loads of aunties and uncles depending on who shes shagging that week, they're never fed or clothed properly and my nan pays for everything for them. I'm pretty certain they'll to no contact when they're old enough.

forestafantastica · 26/02/2019 11:35

Love mine to bits. She’s great. She entered my life when I was about 17 I guess? To be fair, I couldn’t stand her at first, because I felt like she was trying to replace my DM who had died a few years previously, but we get on great now.

NellysKnickers · 26/02/2019 11:44

Not a fan at all. Dc and I rarely see DF anymore. She came along when I was in my 20s, , she was DFs secretary........what a cliche, she's a year older than me but knows it all and is pathetically jealous of my DFs relationship with any of his DC, only one has regular contact. I tolerate her but that's about it.

NellysKnickers · 26/02/2019 11:45

My step dad on the other hand is an absolute darling

mygrandchildrenrock · 26/02/2019 12:09

I was a baby when I met my step-mother, my own mother died giving birth to me. My step-mother was evil, rotten to the core and made my life miserable till I was 16 and left home.
I've seen her a handful of times since then, second to last time was 17 years ago and the last time was a year ago at my Dad's funeral. She didn't speak to me or any of my children. I wish it hadn't been Dad who'd died first.

MrsJDornan · 26/02/2019 12:09

I was 4

Have absolutely nothing to do with her now, moved out at 16 and haven't looked back

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 26/02/2019 15:22

I adore my step-mum, she and my dad met when I was about 7. She raised us as her own, treated me and my siblings with respect and kindness and was an infinitely better mum than my biological mother who's a narcissistic bully. She's the first person I turn to when I have a problem and is a constant source of support and love. I am so happy I have her (and the rest of her family) in my life and feel so sorry when I hear horror stories from others.

Seniorschoolmum · 26/02/2019 15:32

Op, you don’t sound very kind.

Do you want your dad to be lonely when you leave home?

JE17 · 26/02/2019 15:57

Mine is the epitome of the SM who would like to wish her DH's previous family out of existence. First time I noticed was when she started a physical fight with DF because he'd been walking hand in hand with me on one side and Dsis on the other. Both of us being under 10 at the time, we hadn't realised what a heinous crime we were committing. She's been awful over the years, so many examples, such as excluding us from events because it's "just for family". Dsis is NC now and I'm LC for the sake of the little relationship I still have with DF. On the flip side our stepdad is lovely.

StillMe1 · 26/02/2019 16:51

It seems like very mixed views on step parents. I am sort of a step- mother but we are not married. We each have children. It is difficult to get the right balance.

It also depends on the spin put on things by the respective children. His children are pleasant and well mannered when we meet with them either at home or out for a meal etc.

I was quite heavily involved in babysitting and general help for my DCs and I think they saw his arrival in my life as a threat to my availability to suit their conveniences. They are not happy but they never spent any time with me outside of babysitting. They did not consider how alone I was.

I wish things were different but I can do nothing about adults. I spend my time with those who are kinder to me.

scaryteacher · 26/02/2019 17:34

She was a friend of my parents from when I was small. I think she was my db's godmother, and my Dad was one of her son's godparent. My parents were friends with her and her dh.

She shagged my Dad under my Mum's roof whilst holidaying with them (my parents lived out of the Uk for a couple of years), and were seen canoodling in a public setting. Friends of Mum tried to tell me, but I thought they meant a previous affair Dad had had.

My parents divorced, as did he and her husband (who was lovely) and I was saddled with my Dad's new wife at 24. I was married, refused to acknowledge her as anything to do with me, and refused to play ball when my Dad tried to revise family history to replace my Mum with her.

I refused to go to their wedding as I didn't want to 'welcome her to the family', and I couldn't sit there making nice and playing happy families when I was feeling so stabby towards them both. My ds had as little to do with her as I could manage, and any requests that she be called 'Nana' or 'Granny' were met with the response that she wasn't his grandmother, and the two who did exist would take it very badly if she were referred to as that. If my Dad, db etc wanted to deal with my Mum and mil on the warpath, then they were welcome.

I think I last spoke to her at my grandmother's funeral in 2006, which was 5 years after my Dad had died, and I hadn't spoken to her between the two funerals.

ethelfleda · 26/02/2019 17:49

Been around since I was 19 and I hate her. She finally got her way though and has my Dad all to herself after successfully driving a wedge between us... we no longer talk. Easy because they don’t live in the U.

Also, she looks like a shaved scrotum.

EthelHornsby · 26/02/2019 18:09

I have 2 - first one I was 16, didn’t live with her as I lived with my mum, but she’s lovely. She is now in her eighties. Second one I was around 40 - we get on ok, but I have never had a close relationship with her.

PivotPivotPivottt · 26/02/2019 18:21

Had mine since I was about 11. I don't call her my step mum. I don't particularly like her and I'm sure the feeling is mutual although to be fair she doesn't seem to like anyone except my dad and her son, son and my dad don't seem to like each other Hmm). She doesn't speak to her daughter.

Last saw her New Year 2018 where she informed me I was difficult when she first met me but she persevered with me Hmm. I was quiet and shy when I met her, but that is because I was quiet and shy around my dad as I barely saw him. I remember her telling me I was a terrible person when they first got together as I had never bought my dad a Christmas present in previous years (he didn't buy me any either!!!).

I rarely see my dad and his wife anyway so it doesn't bother me. My step dad has been in my life since I was 2 and brought me up.