Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to use their bathroom?

81 replies

gkdivr · 25/02/2019 11:23

I don't live with my DP/BF whatever you want to refer to him as. He has a job which involves me working away most weeks, he is only at his home about 2-3 weekends in a month, plus a couple of extra days, the rest of the time he is in accommodation near his workplace.

I go to stay with him normally one of those weekends. His home is just a base for him, it's rented and v basic. There is no shower nor ability to have one (we tried getting one of those that attach to the taps but the taps are a really odd size and it wouldn't fit at all). You can have a bath however the bathroom is freezing and the water pressure really poor so it takes a good 20 mins to get the bath half full.

My partner normally visits a relative who lives about a mile away and showers there. I'm not comfortable with this so when i stay there have to make do with a small bath or strip wash for the 2 days.

I know my partner finds my objection to going to relatives home for a shower a bit odd especially as I'm not happy about the bath/ wash situation at his place. But for me I'm just not comfortable with getting dressed going in the car to his relatives, having a chat with them, then getting in the shower, getting dressed, going home etc.

Is this just me or would you also not feel happy doing this?

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 25/02/2019 11:25

No, of course I wouldn’t like this. That’s horrible not having adequate washing facilities at his home.

Can’t he stay at yours?

Cloudtree · 25/02/2019 11:25

run the bath and go and watch tv whilst it fills? Its hardly a problem is it.

ScatteredMama82 · 25/02/2019 11:28

I wouldn't want to go to the relatives to shower, I'd make do with the facilities at his place.

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 11:37

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to go to his relative's house in order to shower. That is odd!

KinkyHair · 25/02/2019 11:39

I would just use the bath. Mine also takes ages to fill but I just sort the washing or something while I’m waiting.

JinglingHellsBells · 25/02/2019 11:50

If this is a long term arrangement and you are going to carry on seeing him at weekends, I'd be pushing him to move somewhere with better facilities! It's hardly adequate for him and it's rather odd- my DH showers morning and night, so there is no way a trip to a relative would be practical.

Is your DP showering every day or just as and when? Hmm

Is money the issue? can he not afford somewhere that is better even if it's just better heating in the bathroom?

I think if he expects you to do the trip, he needs to get his act together, or come to you, and not expect you to live in a hovel. Smile

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 25/02/2019 11:51

Would also just use the bath. We did this for 2 years when renting a very cheap flat to save money for first deposit. No shower, crap water flow, electric heating.

BettyDuMonde · 25/02/2019 11:51

I had to bathe at DH’s cousins house on our wedding day 😂

It’s clearly normal for them, but not normal for you. Neither of you are BU though.

Could you ‘gift’ him a heated towel rail or similar to make your baths less unpleasant?

mumwon · 25/02/2019 11:52

get large bucket & jug you can then crouch in bath & wash all over

Asta19 · 25/02/2019 11:52

Same here, mine takes ages to fill. I have a shower but do like a bath sometimes so I just get on with something else while I wait. I don't see it as that big of an issue.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 25/02/2019 11:53

Or I'd insist he came to me. Would not be going to relatives.

ifonly4 · 25/02/2019 11:53

As it's only for a couple of days at a time, I'd get in the bath when it's half full and use a flannel to splash water over myself and then rinse soap/shower gel (or you could use a jug). I know it's no much fun being cold, but at least it's warming up - our heating didn't come on this morning as it was warm from the sun yesterday.

missbattenburg · 25/02/2019 11:55

I'd run the bath. I too have lived places where the bath takes half an hour or more to fill properly.

Better than going over to someone else's to wash, imo.

Shoxfordian · 25/02/2019 12:03

I wouldn't be going to stay somewhere without adequate facilities. Can he stay with you instead?

theemmadilemma · 25/02/2019 12:06

Eh I had to do that in my exhb bathroom many years ago. It was do able a couple of times a week. But no I wouldn't be trotting around to his relatives house, that's just weird.

MirriVan · 25/02/2019 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Antonin · 25/02/2019 12:11

Does your BF intend to rent this place long term? Could he ask the landlord if BF and you could pay to have new taps with shower installed? Shouldn’t be prohibitively expensive.
Sure you can “make do” as posters have suggested but there comes a limit.

ravenmum · 25/02/2019 12:11

I wouldn't want to do it either. You presumably don't know his relative that well, it would be awkward. And a car trip, just to wash? If he's making out that you are weird to want to wash at his place, then HIBU.

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2019 12:12

Just run thr bath and go and do something else and have a quick bath. Not a major issue surely?

ravenmum · 25/02/2019 12:24

Also wondering why this is an issue. Is he making it one?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2019 12:31

Gosh it really isn’t that much of a big deal surely? You can either get him to ask the ll if they / you could change the taps and put a shower head and curtain up. If it isn’t tiled high that’s an issue. In that case you could have a sit down shower.

I understand it’s annoying but really it’s 2/3 times a month. I used to live in a lot worse as a student. It was pretty horrible to have no central heating and the bath took an age to run.

If you are physically disabled that’s different.

ravenmum · 25/02/2019 12:39

OP isn't complaining about the bath, though, is she? She wants to use the bath.

Vicky1990 · 25/02/2019 12:43

The best way to heat the bathroom quickly is with a fan heater.
If you do not have a power socket in there use an extension lead of the correct power rating.
In my bathroom I also have a small oil filled radiator that is set on the lowest heat setting and left on all the time during the winter, this keeps the bathroom warm so I do not have to run the whole house central heating, it's also cheap to run.
Observe the normal safety rules of electrical equipment in a bathroom, especially you not been able to touch equipment while you are in the bath.

Eliza9917 · 25/02/2019 12:45

Rig up a camping shower over his bath Grin

shinyNewPound · 25/02/2019 12:47

You can pay just to use the shower at a sports centre (if there is one nearby).