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AIBU?

to refuse to use their bathroom?

81 replies

gkdivr · 25/02/2019 11:23

I don't live with my DP/BF whatever you want to refer to him as. He has a job which involves me working away most weeks, he is only at his home about 2-3 weekends in a month, plus a couple of extra days, the rest of the time he is in accommodation near his workplace.

I go to stay with him normally one of those weekends. His home is just a base for him, it's rented and v basic. There is no shower nor ability to have one (we tried getting one of those that attach to the taps but the taps are a really odd size and it wouldn't fit at all). You can have a bath however the bathroom is freezing and the water pressure really poor so it takes a good 20 mins to get the bath half full.

My partner normally visits a relative who lives about a mile away and showers there. I'm not comfortable with this so when i stay there have to make do with a small bath or strip wash for the 2 days.

I know my partner finds my objection to going to relatives home for a shower a bit odd especially as I'm not happy about the bath/ wash situation at his place. But for me I'm just not comfortable with getting dressed going in the car to his relatives, having a chat with them, then getting in the shower, getting dressed, going home etc.

Is this just me or would you also not feel happy doing this?

OP posts:

Report

Seaseasea · 25/02/2019 20:14

A lot of people live like this, full time you know!

Our old council flat was the exact same. Turn heating on full an hour before bath, run bath and go and watch a tv show, come back and have bath. Dressing gown and towel on radiator/airing cupboard ready. It’s what we used to do everyday - it’s not really the end of the world!

SmarmyMrMime · 25/02/2019 20:30

In our last home the shower broke at an awkward time, the replacement didn't cover the tiles and we decided to do the job properly rather than patch and bodge... it took us 18 months.

18 months of shallow baths, strip washing and hair washing in the sink for functional cleanliness when it wasn't the time for a full bath. It's a bit of a pain, but can be done. It's easy to forget how recently it is that showers became standard instead of baths.

gkdivr · 25/02/2019 21:06

Theres no safe way to put an electric heater in the bathroom it would have to be on an extension lead etc (LL definitely wont fit anything) plus he doesnt need it as he basically only uses the loo in there and goes to relatives place for showers.

It does rather curtail our sex life as i prefer to shower before and after sex, at very least after, and thats not possible.

I have lived in houses with no shower just a bath so that doesnt faze me per se but I've never lived anywhere without central heating. It's the combination of the 2 that makes it worse.

OP posts:

Gth1234 · 25/02/2019 22:42

@OP

Really, your BF is lucky you go round to his place at all, don't you think?

adaline · 25/02/2019 22:46

Theres no safe way to put an electric heater in the bathroom it would have to be on an extension lead etc

We do this as we're in the middle of renovating - we just keep the extension lead/sockets outside of the bathroom - it's perfectly safe.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/02/2019 02:16

adaline
Agreed this is what we used to do. And have done in our current house when the boiler was out of order. You just put the heater on an extension cable, heat the room and remove it before bathing.

It’s only for another 6 months and with the weather getting warmer the house will no longer need to be heated. If you want the rooms warm for now, I would switch the heaters on. That’s what they are there for. I imagine the downstairs ones at least are storage heaters. That is usually standard for properties without gas.

LilQueenie · 26/02/2019 03:13

Why cant he get the water pressure fixed?

MissCharleyP · 26/02/2019 04:28

Stay at a Premier Inn or the like for your weekends with him? If you book in advance you can get rooms quite cheap (DH and I use them fairly regularly and never usually pay more than £60 unless there’s a major event) or even a serviced apartment. I lived somewhere without CH and it was miserable (did have a shower though).

PenelopeFlintstone · 26/02/2019 05:09

Theres no safe way to put an electric heater in the bathroom it would have to be on an extension lead etc
What's unsafe about that?

lboogy · 26/02/2019 05:50

I'd find it odder to have sex with my partner and then go over to his aunty's house to wash off the evidence before giving her a cheerful wave and driving away😂😂😂

AhoyDelBoy · 26/02/2019 06:06

What a precious wee pup you are!
LTB
OR..
Suck it up princess?
I dunno. Doesn’t really seem like much of an issue to be fair.

SaturdayNext · 26/02/2019 06:14

Is there any reason why you can't visit him at the accommodation near his work rather than his home? To be honest, in your situation I think I'd insist that your either stay there or at yours, and leave this place right out of the equation.

butteryellow · 26/02/2019 06:34

You need one of those asian plastic pots with a handle - like a plastic saucepan - then it's really easy to tip water over wherever you want it.

That and yes, a fan heater or something to take the chill off the bathroom.

HOWEVER I agree, that it's a pain to be trying to to this before and after having sex, when all you really want is a nice shower and relax. - and no, popping to a relatives to shower is awkward I agree.

TBH, I'd be talking to him about moving somewhere just a tad more modern once his term's up if that's possible.

gkdivr · 26/02/2019 08:32

I can't visit during the week as he is not expected to have guests, plus distance and I'm also at work during the week.

It would have to be a long extension as nearest plug socket is some distance from the bathroom. Plus I don't think my partner sees the need as he doesn't use the bathroom

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 26/02/2019 09:44

Yes but surely he can see the need for putting a heater in there when you want to use it?

I really don't see the issue with getting a fan heater and an extra long extension cable. Just put the heater in there when you run the bath and move it outside once the bath is run/you get in.

gkdivr · 26/02/2019 09:51

He would say theres no point as i should just go to his relatives house as he does.

OP posts:

Thymeout · 26/02/2019 10:16

There's a reason that bathrooms don't have power sockets. Electricity and water don't mix. The only wiring that's legal is for lighting or two-pin appliances like shavers. That's why the light switch is usually outside the room or on a pull-cord.

Yes - you can get round it with extension leads, but it's dangerous and Op's bf is quite right. The ll would not approve.

Op - surely you can put up with a quick strip wash in the hand basin for a couple of days? Do you never go camping or to festivals?

Birdsgottafly · 26/02/2019 10:21

His bathroom is what I live with, as do many poor home owners.

My Mother and GPs survived worse, try going to an outside toilet in winter and going back to a cold bedroom.

You're seriously spoilt and precious.

PenelopeFlintstone · 26/02/2019 10:46

Yes - you can get round it with extension leads, but it's dangerous and Op's bf is quite right. The ll would not approve.
It's only for an hour at a time. The LL won't be looking in while you have a bath, I hope! Other countries do have sockets in the bathrooms but they do make me feel a bit uncomfortable, I admit. Put the heater at the door on the other side of the door if you want to feel safer. Unless you think he's going to kill you by throwing the heater into the bath, in which case stop going there altogether......

ravenmum · 26/02/2019 11:04

I think people are missing the point? OP is not spoilt, she is just pissed off that her bf wants her to go to his relative's house, and refuses to do anything to heat the bathroom because he thinks she can just go there instead.

ravenmum · 26/02/2019 11:06

And yes, living in Germany, my bathroom has electrical sockets, the same as the kitchen. I can blow dry my hair in the bathroom. Though the voltage is a bit lower, so maybe safer?

Vicky1990 · 26/02/2019 13:56

According to my husband uk electrical regulations allow for the installation of electricity sockets in a bathroom.
I have two in my bathroom to power a fan heater, oil filled radiator and radio.
The danger of electrical equipment in the bathroom comes from been able to touch it and the bath, sink or toilet at the same time with your body, thus completing a circuit if there was a fault in the electrical appliance.
Remember we have lots of electrical equipment in the kitchen where there is water.

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SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2019 14:01

Shower at yours before you leave, one night at his with no sex, shower at yours when you get back

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/02/2019 14:13

I lived like this for years. Bath took exactly half hour to fill up. Lovely London flat but terrible plumbing/water pressure (victorian) , Couldn't have one in a hurry, had to be planned, if had to be quick I just washed at sink.
Wasn't really an issue. But I don't like showers anyway and nor did my then DP.,,always preferred baths.. just had one in evenings when had the time to run it

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/02/2019 14:14

(but I'v e lived in loads of shower less places anyway)

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