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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend slept with a stag on night out

489 replies

HopeDog · 22/02/2019 11:50

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

OP posts:
londonginge · 22/02/2019 18:54

I'm not sure why women are relying on other women to respect 'girl code' and not provide opportunity. If a man wants to cheat, that's the bigger problem!

mentallyfacked · 22/02/2019 18:55

Rainbow, because believe it or not that detail will matter to the wife if it comes out.

Just one more slap in the face to add to the list of reasons she's hurt.

But hey what's one more damaged broken women in the world eh, no ones problem.

Until that woman is someone YOU care about or know obviously...

I wont abide cheating from either side of the coin.

Been there, been destroyed

Wouldn't ever dream of passing that pain onto another

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/02/2019 18:59

Ivana: of course it can be discussed. How would those women who think OP’s friend has nothing to feel guilty about feel when faced with a woman who had behaved the same way as the OP’s friend had? You are all implying that the only rage you would feel would be towards the cheater. I’m not buying it.

This situation is all about empathy. It seems not a lot of people have that these days.

LimeKiwi · 22/02/2019 18:59

Not RTFT.
She's technically single so hasn't done anything wrong, shit morals and a nasty pasty though.
As for the stag - poor person he's about to marry, I say.

SummerStrong · 22/02/2019 18:59

Your friend has shown her true colours, It's a nasty and selfish thing to sleep with someone else's fiancé / parent / spouse. A decent person wouldn't do that.

The stag would have cheated regardless, and that's on his head, pity your friend had to be the one he did it with, I'm
Guessing your feelings have changed towards her now?

SusieOwl4 · 22/02/2019 19:02

What a sad attitude to marriage.From both of them . I don’t know why people bother .

IvanaPee · 22/02/2019 19:02

Ivana: of course it can be discussed. How would those women who think OP’s friend has nothing to feel guilty about feel when faced with a woman who had behaved the same way as the OP’s friend had? You are all implying that the only rage you would feel would be towards the cheater. I’m not buying it.

What??

I didn’t say it couldn’t be discussed. I’m saying this discussion on an Internet forum is a hypothetical for most of us, so we’re able to discuss it objectively.

If you find yourself standing in front of the woman your husband cheated with, you’re not going to be emotionless and objective, are you? Not in that moment.

Mummyshark2019 · 22/02/2019 19:02

They are both dirty immoral pigs. She has no qualms who she hooks up with. Don't leave her in the same room as your other half. She'd probably try it on with him and say it's fine e as she is single. Gross. Find a new friend.

icannotremember · 22/02/2019 19:08

My judgement of her isn't that she had a ONS. I had plenty myself, enjoyed them, feel no shame whatsoever. I judge her because she shagged someone she knew was about to get married to someone else. No, she's not responsible for his choices and his actions- he'd be a scumbag whether she'd shagged him or not- but sge is responsible for her own. People knowingly involved in infidelity are scum. I would not be her friend.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 22/02/2019 19:11

Fundamental lack of self respect to do something like that.

Lovingbenidorm · 22/02/2019 19:14

Big judgement from me I’m afraid

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 22/02/2019 19:14

Good point all my posts on this pass no judgement on a ONS itself

MakeItAmazing · 22/02/2019 19:18

I am embarrassed for you five Hmm.

ChocChocButtons · 22/02/2019 19:20

She vile and unreasonable and a horrible person!

Yabbers · 22/02/2019 19:27

the way the woman is described is just depressing. "Skanky", "bitch".
Totally agree, @Jaqueshammer

Funny how we’re all supposed to follow some “girl code”where we support each other but this entire board is full of women spouting vitriol and judgement on other women because they dare to work when they have kids, or are SAhM or FF their babies.

And she’s a skanky, needy, desperate bitch because she dared to have a one night stand, and the guy was engaged?

ScreamingValenta · 22/02/2019 19:29

A guy used that as an excuse to rob people. "If it wasn't me it would be someone else". Not really an excuse is it.

That doesn't really work as an analogy. The OP has said both parties were willing participants in this sex. In a robbery, the victim doesn't consent to be robbed.

funinthesun19 · 22/02/2019 19:29

Won’t be long before your friend announces she’s pregnant OP. Hmm That often ends up happening and then the man’s wife/fiancé/girlfriend’s life is further shattered. I can’t atand people like your friend and him. Both disgusting pigs.

funinthesun19 · 22/02/2019 19:30

*stand

Yabbers · 22/02/2019 19:32

You are all implying that the only rage you would feel would be towards the cheater. I’m not buying it.

Been there. Couldn’t have cared less about her.

LynetteScavo · 22/02/2019 19:33

If everybody just used the Ten Commandments as their moral compass everything would be a lot more simple.

And MN would be a lot more boring

Shagging someone else's partner is never going to be right. "Stag" makes it pretty clear that someone's about to get married and is very much taken.

So not cool. Very immature and just, well.....ewwww.

"I can't believe you did that" is the appropriate response. Even if you totally believe it.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 22/02/2019 19:34

I honestly don't get it.
Would you(general you) rather your partner/husband didn't cheat because he didn't want to,didn't want to hurt you etc or because he simply didn't have the opportunity to do so? Because that's basically what you're saying.

Girl code is code (see what I did there?) for I don't trust my partner but I'll shame and guilt other women from stay away from him,and hope none of them will "stray" from the code. And God help them if they do, the skanky,cheap,sperm whole etc bitches!

My ex cheated many times,some knew about me,some didn't,one of them married him and then he tried to cheat on her with me!! And succeeded with many others. You can't make the whole female population responsible for a guy's faithfulness or lack of.

RainbowWaffles · 22/02/2019 19:54

believe it or not that detail will matter to the wife if it comes out.

It’s irrelevant. It only matters to the wife if she attempts to hold others other than her husband wholly accountable.

cravingmilkshake · 22/02/2019 19:56

I hate this girl code thing. We are a group of 6 women, all married and we have one friend whenever we go out (which isn't often anymore) and she always disappears with a man. We all love her husband to bits but it's apparently not to be discussed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Santaclarita · 22/02/2019 19:59

Well shes obviously proud of it or wouldn't have told you. Probably wants congratulated. But skanky yeah but she did nothing wrong really.

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/02/2019 19:59

@craving how can you look at her husband in the eye?
I could not be friends with her at all I'm afraid.

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