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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend slept with a stag on night out

489 replies

HopeDog · 22/02/2019 11:50

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/02/2019 21:59

Like I said my ex was a serial cheater and master manipulator and gaslighter so I was never fully aware of the extent of it,and the bits I knew I didn't really know what to believe. I look back now and I can't imagine how the fuck did I fall for some of his bullshit. It still reeks years later.

Eventually he left me for one of them,sadness,heartache bla bla bla. I hated her. I wanted him back 🙄🙄 I was a moron.

He married her,he had a baby with her. He still cheated...not just that but he rang me one night,wanting me to come over at a party. I asked where his wife was and he said she was at home with the baby, and not to worry about her,how about WE have some fun? And that's where it hit me...the horror of it..that could've been me!! At home,with a baby while he still shagged his way through life. I was never more grateful to someone in my life and I also felt so so very sorry for her. At least I got out.

Alsohuman · 23/02/2019 22:00

All the lines you suggest @Yoursarcasm, place the blame 100% on the woman. Nobody has even suggested that. It takes two people to have sex, neither can be adsolved of all responsibility. And I don't care for the name calling either.

Tistheseason17 · 23/02/2019 22:05

When your DH or fiance cheats, he is the turd.

If it hadn't been OP's friend it would have been someone else.

Sad thing is, he prob got married and will still cheat.

Any woman could throw themself at my DH and he would not cheat. If he did - it would be his fault as the cheater. A man can say No! I certainly wouldn't excuse his cheating by aiming comments at the OW.

AccioUsername · 23/02/2019 23:02

For all you know the stag could be in an open relationship. His wife to be could have given him a one night pass. You know literally nothing about him.
Your friend is a grown woman, she can do what she wants and it's not for you to judge her behaviour.
Is it morally questionable? Yes. But it's not really your business.

Oakenbeach · 23/02/2019 23:22

For all you know the stag could be in an open relationship. His wife to be could have given him a one night pass.

Absolutely, what does anyone know! I saw the keys in the ignition of a nice car parked by the road. Perhaps I should have taken it! For all I know the owner wanted to give it away to a passing stranger - you just never know - so it would have therefore been completely unfair to be judged by anyone had I taken it...

Or maybe I’m being ridiculous like the notion that a stag could well be in an open relationship, when in reality the chances are minimal.

Chatterbox66 · 24/02/2019 00:01

Awful lot of blaming the woman going on here. I wouldn’t have done it. But the bloke is more in the wrong. He’s the one getting married. I feel sorry for his wife.

SparkiePolastri · 24/02/2019 00:03

I really don't think people are 'blaming the woman'.

Just saying she doesn't exactly come up smelling of roses.

strawberrisc · 24/02/2019 06:02

Another hit and run. OP never came back. Dubious.

PregnantSea · 24/02/2019 06:36

I think that what she has done is morally wrong. I also think it's their business and there's not anything for you to do or say about it. It's not right to behave that way but you need to just let people get on with their own lives.

Oakenbeach · 24/02/2019 07:10

Awful lot of blaming the woman going on here. I wouldn’t have done it. But the bloke is more in the wrong. He’s the one getting married. I feel sorry for his wife.

I don’t think anyone is saying the woman is more to blame than the man.... Practically every poster agrees the man’s behaviour is shit. The behaviour of the man isn’t being focussed on precisely because there’s general agreement on this, not because people believe he’s innocent!

The debate is whether or not the woman is at fault in any way. Just because I might believe she is in the wrong, doesn’t mean I don’t believe the man is worse.
It doesn’t mean she’s as culpable as the man.

Purplealienpuke · 24/02/2019 07:12

Each person is responsible for their own actions.
I wouldn't knowingly sleep with someone in a relationship and wouldn't cheat on a partner. They are my standards.
I would think differently about a friend who chose to do that.....

expat101 · 24/02/2019 07:27

What is the chances he will go through with wedding and then confess?

winniestone37 · 24/02/2019 08:27

It's just a horrible thing to do. That's it, it's not nice. You're entitled to an opinion but she doesn't have to care. People do things like this all the time, often good people. Humans are complicated.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 24/02/2019 08:37

A man not ready or wanting to be faithful to one person

If it wasn’t the op’s friend it would have been someone else either on his stag night or sometime soon

No it’s not nice of your friend but we can all at times do something that isn’t nice and there are men and women who deliberately go after people who are attached as a sort of conquest but it’s still the choice of the other person to cheat

I’ve been hit on more that a few times by married men some men I have found attractive I have managed to say no it’s isn’t difficult and no more difficult for a man to say no just we have been conditioned to think if men are offered sex that can’t help themselves Hmm

Imperfectsusan · 24/02/2019 08:42

Confess? As if.

mumlost1940 · 24/02/2019 08:51

When adults have no standards of decency they act in the way described: they expect the sex without the love. Worse still, is when they engage in unprotected sex when already in a committed sexual relation with a partner they are about to marry. The man is this situation behaved disgracefully but the woman was free to indulge in a situation that was for her opportunist and consensual. She has no moral compass that would steer her to responsible sexual behaviour. It is questionable that she would behave in the same way - if she was about to be married. My guess is - she would.

JacquesHammer · 24/02/2019 09:16

When adults have no standards of decency they act in the way described: they expect the sex without the love

You’re muddying the waters. It is absolutely possible to have sex without love and still display morals.

mumlost1940 · 24/02/2019 10:45

True. Recreational sex - I believe it is called. Harmless, and to be encouraged between individuals who are not in a committed sexual relationship. It should be on the NHS. Now the National Hoax Service!

Handprints2018 · 24/02/2019 10:49

Agreed JacquesHammer. I had 2 fwb and several ONS when single. I would never have touched anyone with a partner. I would never cheat on my OH either.

Enjoying string free sex is very different to enjoying an affair or being part of one. Plus I've knon of OM/OW who would claim they were/are in love with the cheat so it's all fine. My friend who pursued those in relationships certainly claimed to love a few of them and therefore concluded that that made it ok for both her and the shitty cheater.

Nothinglefttochoose · 24/02/2019 16:38

Would be end of the friendship for me. She doesn’t even seem to care. She’s not a good person.

mumlost1940 · 24/02/2019 17:00

Some would say Stag shags Slag.

hazandduck · 24/02/2019 17:07

Oh FGS do we really have to name call this woman, who is the OP’s friend remember! Surely the cheating stag is the ‘slag.’

OP I’ve not seen any response from you, maybe I missed it but how do you feel about this after reading many, many opinions? Interested to know.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/02/2019 17:30

And Some would say Stupid talks shit

Chatterbox66 · 24/02/2019 18:20

Ok. Maybe “blaming” the wrong word. Lots of vitriol and name calling. Slag. Skank etc. She might have been less than rosy smelling but I’m not sure she deserves such vitriol. Him, on the other hand ...

BarbarianMum · 24/02/2019 18:25

I dont think think sleeping w someone who is engaged to be married/married/in a relationship is the mark of a decent human being. Obviously sleeping w someone when you're in a relationship is worse.

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