Hubby prioritizing hobby over valentines night

[takeabreak30]

Me and my husband don't usually do anything big for Valentine's Day, we do cards and he usually brings home a box of chocolates or flowers and I always cook us a meal that's as far as it goes. He doesn't get home from work until 7 so I planned on bribing our 3 children to go to bed early so that we could watch a movie. Tonight he told me he was going running as usual tomorrow so wouldn't be home until 9 and to eat with the kids instead of waiting for him to get home. Our ds overheard and reminded him it was Valentine's Day and my husband explained to ds that he has an important marathon he needs to train for. I'm feeling really upset as my husband runs a few marathons a year. We have to schedule our family holidays around his marathons which I can just about cope with but now I'm feeling really like I'm bottom of his priorities. I know that we could do dinner and a movie another night but tomorrow is Valentine's Day after all. AIBU to be miffed he would rather spend valentines night with his friends running than with his wife.

I don't know, I am going out with my friend tomorrow as we go out every Thursday my dp and her dh don't care because we don't do anything for valentines day.

But by your own admission you don't usually do anything big for Valentine's and you could do something on another night instead.

How is your relationship aside from this? If it's otherwise good and he's usually thoughtful enough then I wouldn't get so down about him missing Valentine's.

It is just another day, and you say it’s not a big deal for you guys normally, so I don’t think I could get too upset about this.

So tell him you'd like to do something for Valentine's.

I'm mixed on this one. Running is healthy, Valentine's Day is over-hyped and I think something to be avoided. However, not thinking of your feelings is unkind to say the least.

YABU “we don’t usually do anything big for Valentine’s Day”

What’s changed?

I’m doing something for DDs hobby tomorrow evening - first rehearsal for the latest play she’s doing and parents need to go along.

A solution might be to arrange some set time for just the two of you so rather than a vague "we can do something another night" pin him down to a specific night by saying "lets go out for dinner and a film on Saturday".

It’s just Valentines Day. A stupid day made up by the greetings card industry. Seriously, get over it. Buy each other a card if you want and move on.

Tell him you'd like to go out on the weekend instead. That way it's acknowledged and you get some couple time.

Seeing as you don't usually do anything, why do you think this is upsetting you? Underlying problem?
I think valentines is just another money making day for shops these days. Just go out and enjoy a meal together when you get a chance, or do what you thought up a different night.

Could he be planning a surprise for you?

I’m going out to do my sport tomorrow, as usual for a Thursday. We don’t do Valentines. We might cook something fancier than normal or have take away Friday instead.

I think this is more about the holidays than tomorrow? How did that get discussed and agreed? Or did he assume that you would go along with it.

But it's just another day really - I'm taking ds to rugby training and dh will be helping dd with homework. If you wanted to plan a meal an movie you should have told him!

Sounds inconsiderate of him
Why should you plan all your holidays around him running as well?

He sounds like a sensible chap. Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday ; commercialised nonsense which exists solely for the benefit of businesses who seek to profit from it.

We won’t do anything, it’s just a normal day with a daft tradition attached to it. We will be running about taking the kids to their activities then a normal dinner.

if It was your birthday or anniversary I’d think you had a point but Val day is shit.

PPs are focusing on this: "we don't do anything big"
... but "I always cook us a meal" suggests that at least you usually eat together.

I would be miffed, OP. Not angry, but disappointed. I'd ask him if you can do something together another evening. Say you want to have a nice dinner and watch a film together and can you do that on Friday or Saturday if he's too busy tomorrow. I'm guessing he just doesn't realise it's important to you, so let him know.

Then get angry if he still doesn't prioritise you.

I actually think it's not about Valentine's day is it?

If you read the OP it is more about coming second best to DP marathon running - family holidays being planned around these events

Most people I know treat as just another day. As you normally do. Why have you decided this time is different?

I think the issue is you had already made the plans in your head, bribing the kids to have an early night, then you and DH watching a film. So, in your head it was already decided what was happening. I think that's why you feel upset with him. You feeling that his marathon training and running interferes with family life needs to be addressed though.

I’m with him!

My partner is away all week anyway but if he wasn’t then there is a pretty good chance as it’s a Thursday one or both of us would have been at running club

It’s just another day

You've said yourself you don't usually do anything for it so what's the problem

Maybe you're not being honest with yourself about how much value you attach to manufactured love day

OP you do normally do something. It’s just fairly low key. He is changing that norm for running without even discussing it with you. YANBU.

I would tell him exactly how you feel. If he is decent he will realise he is being a bit of an arse and apologise and change plans.

Marathon hobbies are not as important as your marriage.