Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To wonder how bad a third child at 40 would be?

111 replies

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 10:47

Had risky sex yesterday and my Fitbit tells me I’m ovulating today. Whoops. Contemplating heading out for the morning after pill now but part of me is thinking ah well I’ll deal with that if it happens...
Older two are 6 and 2.5. Looking forward to the youngest being out of nappies and having a bit more freedom - and lower childcare bills. And more relaxed holidays. And sleeeeepppp....
And having time to myself at 55 rather a recalcitrant teen. So should I be hot footing it to a chemist

OP posts:

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/02/2019 10:49

At the age of your current children would it be that different?

I’m late 30s and wouldn’t consider it but my youngest is almost 9 now and we have 3.

LellyMcKelly · 10/02/2019 10:57

I had one at 40 and it was absolutely fine.

Original poster

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 10:57

I think that’s why I’m holding off going to the chemist. I wouldn’t want any more of a gap, so it’s now or never...we do have the space in the house, would need a people carrier but that’s doable. I think the effect on holidays in the future is almost the biggest thing worrying me! That and lack of sleep and going again just as a little more freedom looks to be on the horizon!

OP posts:

Original poster

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 10:59

Oh and also not having enough time to give them all - I work full time, time is in short supply as it is.

OP posts:

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/02/2019 10:59

What does your dh think?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2019 11:00

Yes, you don't actively want a baby do you? Why are you being so casual about it?

blackteasplease · 10/02/2019 11:00

I'm thinking with the age of your current kids not that different.

If your youngest was already at school I'd think twice about going back (I had my two at 30 and at 35. The gap seems big and I wouldn't go back and have a third at 40 - my current age - again.)

Viewofsaturday · 10/02/2019 11:00

I had number 3 at 42! I could do with a proper sleep, and I have no free time but it is lovely.

blackteasplease · 10/02/2019 11:02

But also o agree don't have another if you don't want one!

Speak to your dh about it as, although he Took the risk in having "risky sex " you don't really want another dc with a husband who isn't on board.

Singlenotsingle · 10/02/2019 11:02

It doesn't sound as though it would be a huge problem. Maybe a minor inconvenience....

Fullofregrets33 · 10/02/2019 11:03

Because your other children are very young I don't see a problem with it.

If it happened to me when I was 40 I absolutely wouldn't want to do it because my kids would be teenagers and I don't want to start all over again

Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2019 11:03

I had my second at 39. I’m 40 now.

I’d be running to the chemist.

icannotremember · 10/02/2019 11:04

There's 5 years 8 months between my second and third. It's a gap that seems bigger as time passes. I do see what you mean by now or never.

I'd get the MAP though. You don't sound like you actively want another.

Original poster

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 11:12

No I definitely don’t think I actively want another. I think what’s giving me pause is that I have two the same sex and suffered a bit with gender disappointment last time so secretly I’m thinking well, see what happens. But that’s a really bad idea because it’s over 50% chance it’ll be the same sex again and then how will I feel? I already feel bad I didn’t enjoy my second’s first 6 months as much as I should. Though my friend said she felt the same with her second (who was the opposite sex to the first) so it’s just a second baby thing...she loves having a third.
Really I know I should go to the chemist! Part of me doesn’t really feel it could happen because I had a couple of miscarriages before both of my others but I think I have a slightly healthier lifestyle now so it could happen.

OP posts:

Knackeredmommy · 10/02/2019 11:13

In your situation I get it, you have young children still. I'm 40 and mine are 12 and 15, I'd cry! I couldn't go back to nappies and sleepless nights.

Foodylicious · 10/02/2019 11:13

I have a 4.5 yr old, a 4 month old and am 39.
The early months of extreme sleep deprivation have been horrendous.
I have guilt about how old we will be when the children are on their teens.

I would be running to the pharmacy and not looking back.

Sounds like you could go to the pharmacy today and then you and OH have a proper chat about the future.

What does he think today?

Jeezoh · 10/02/2019 11:15

Whilst it’s your body and ultimately your decision, have you told your OH the situation? I’d want to know his opinion too before I decided - if he was horrified and I was unsure, I’d probably go to the chemist

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/02/2019 11:15

Don’t do it if you’re just hoping for a daughter. Enjoy your lovely boys. If you are going to go ahead, assume it’s another boy to help your decision.

TacoLover · 10/02/2019 11:16

What does your husband think?

Readysteadygoat · 10/02/2019 11:17

I had my 3rd at 40, unplanned but very much wanted. I had bigger gaps though.
I say go for it

Original poster

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 11:17

He happened to be away last night but we’ve discussed it before. He would possibly be open to it, possibly less worried than me (he doesn’t suffer the sleep deprivation, that’s all on me!) however he thinks we have a good life, knows I found the miscarriages hard so no desire to ttc, and would be worried about a baby that might have health impacts and how that might affect us all.

OP posts:

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek · 10/02/2019 11:35

Good God no, I had my 3rd at aged 25 and that was bloody hard enough! would never contemplate one at that age, sorry

Inforthelonghaul · 10/02/2019 11:36

Bigger gap than yours but third (slightly unplanned) DC at 41 and it’s lovely and I’m very glad we did.

southnownorth · 10/02/2019 11:37

I wouldn't like to do it I had my last at 25 so mine would be a massive age gap, and I am 37 now. But yours are only little, so I think it would be doable but exhausting.

HappySeven · 10/02/2019 11:40

Foody, please don't feel guilty. My mother had me at nearly 41 and my dad was 45. If they hadn't I wouldn't be here and I have a great life. I also still have both of them and although they are older than my friends' parents (85 and 90) they are fit and well and cause me no more stress than anyone's parents do.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5