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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how bad a third child at 40 would be?

111 replies

Phuquocdreams · 10/02/2019 10:47

Had risky sex yesterday and my Fitbit tells me I’m ovulating today. Whoops. Contemplating heading out for the morning after pill now but part of me is thinking ah well I’ll deal with that if it happens...
Older two are 6 and 2.5. Looking forward to the youngest being out of nappies and having a bit more freedom - and lower childcare bills. And more relaxed holidays. And sleeeeepppp....
And having time to myself at 55 rather a recalcitrant teen. So should I be hot footing it to a chemist

OP posts:
MilkybarsROnMe · 10/02/2019 22:56

My mum had my sister at 40, I was 10 my brother was 15. My parents always wanted 3 children but once I turned 8 they felt they'd left it too late. Then they had an "accident" - my sister (my parent's are very open). My sister was the icing on the cake for our family and I got the sister I always wanted. Even though we have large age gaps we are all very close as adults.

I'd just wait and see, but then again I'm waiting to start ttc our third next year so I probably secretly want everyone to take the leap of 2 to 3!

Biffsboys · 10/02/2019 23:17

I wouldn’t- it’s tiring as an older mother , however you need to look ahead when you have 3 teens , costing a fortune and needing lots of support- but your into your 50’s

Pitapotamus · 10/02/2019 23:32

Leave it to fate!!

As regards the gender disappointment, I have three boys and I was more and more sad each time not to have had a daughter. But three little boys make a very lovely happy family and I couldn’t swap any of them for a girl now I have them!

Ella1980 · 11/02/2019 03:03

I'm 38 with a 9 and 11 year old and would have loved a third child (it would have been my fiance's first biological child). But we can't afford it so have no choice but to stick with two!
Not an easy decision but follow your heart.

Oddbutnotodd · 11/02/2019 04:40

I had my third child at 40. Never regretted it. Am in my 50s now and still ok. I’m lucky that I have ( and had!) enough energy to cope. I started my family in my 30s.

ICJump · 11/02/2019 05:24

Snuggling number 3 right now. Im so pleased we decided to go for it. I’m turning 40 in a few months.

brookshelley · 11/02/2019 05:57

If it's just about wanting a girl - you shouldn't do it. God forbid you end up with a boy (or twin boys) with any health issues as well. You'd be so resentful.

I'd have a different answer if you said you'd always wanted 3.

bellinisurge · 11/02/2019 06:31

Had my first (and only due to unrelated health reasons) at 41.
Odd that you are being so casual at your age. "I had sex. Whoops, I might be pregnant".
You have a few more years of fertility, say 10. If you aren't being more careful you might be saying "whoops" Hmmmore often.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 11/02/2019 09:02

I guess I’m maybe being too casual because it wouldn’t be a disaster if it happened and I’m still just within what I would consider an acceptable age gap (3.5 years). There’s too many reasons not to ttc but maybe not enough to bring an active stop.
Starting to quite fancy being the matriarch of 3 fine young men but if nothing happens I’ll be perfectly fine with that too!

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 11/02/2019 09:10

My mum had her 3rd baby at 43. There is 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister and 20 years between my sister and I.
She doesn't regret it.

Gennz18 · 11/02/2019 09:17

I have a 4 y.o and an 8 months old and the thought of a third pregnancy makes my blood run cold. I think I could handle a third child, but pregnancy no fucking way. Between SPD and vomiting all the way through it’s sheer hell and I wouldn’t want to go through it again with 2 kids. I’m 37. I also think the jump from 2 - 3 has quite a big impact on lifestyle (like holidays) as opposed to from 1 - 2.

The age isn’t such a factor for me - we are late reproducers in our family. My great grandmother had her NINTH at 45, poor woman.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 11/02/2019 09:29

my pregnancies haven’t been too bad. It’s honestly the sleep deprivation that scares me the most, I’m only now starting to get unbroken sleep. I was a zombie for the first 18 months.

OP posts:
fortifiedwithtea · 11/02/2019 09:33

I assume your current family is healthy with no additional needs. Now imagine what it would be like to add a disabled child to the family ? Believe me it does affect siblings.

I had fertility treatment, i went through a lot to get DD2. I believed she was so hard to get the deserved the right to life. I refused the amniocentesis test. And as it happens her learning disability could not have been detected anyway.

The baby I so wanted is now 16 years old. Life is very hard. I worry every day what will happen to her when DH and I are dead. We will never be just the two of us in retirement.

seanceinterrupted · 11/02/2019 09:45

I had a much wanted 3rd child at 42, same age gaps as yours. Its definitely been harder than the other 2... and I've definitely got less patience than I used to have. One of mine has a few extra needs, though, and requires more attention which he will get in negative ways if he's not getting what he wants.

Lavenderdays · 11/02/2019 12:38

I struggled with my 3rd pregnancy (aged 43) BUT I put on a lot of weight and also had a much larger baby the third time, this was the main factor no other major issues.
It's not the fact that I am older, I think it is the fact that I have to care for two other children as well and I have had to let the house slide.
I love being a mum to three, it feels as if they are my tribe. We already had a big enough house, car, finances in place so there has been no change there, if anything it has been the time factor - giving the three dcs time and also grabbing a bit of me time, tricky with no extended family.
DC3 wasn't planned or prevented, we let fate take its course (I was also told I was unlikely to have anymore children by consultant so naively thought it was never going to happen, especially at my age).

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 24/02/2019 15:04

Well, looks like I’m going to find out for myself. Pregnant... and let that be a lesson - 39 year old eggs and only having sex about three times a year does not mean not getting pregnant!

OP posts:
CornforthWhite · 24/02/2019 15:15

Awesome news! I'm delighted for you!!

Sparklybanana · 24/02/2019 15:20

Congratulations! I am also wondering about a 3rd child. 2 is perfect but 3 is so tempting!

thisonebreath · 24/02/2019 15:23

Congratulations! Three is great.

thecatsarecrazy · 24/02/2019 15:30

Congratulations. I had my 3rd at 35 hes 2 now and i have a 12 year old and almost 10 year old. Little one is a little star wouldn't have it any other way.

thecatsarecrazy · 24/02/2019 15:30

Oh and mine are all boys

surferjet · 24/02/2019 15:31

Great news!
I had my 4th at nearly 37 & absolutely loved it. He’s the light of my life.

soberfabulous · 24/02/2019 15:42

I'm 43 and only have one, I couldn't in a million years go to 2, never mind 3. I love my easy life and our freedom and the frequent travel. I'd be running to the chemist!

happymummy12345 · 24/02/2019 15:45

My mum had her last child at 43. There's a 10 year gap between all 3 of us. 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister and 20 years between my sister and I.

Bumper1969 · 24/02/2019 16:00

Congratulations! If it's boy please call him Leo, after your dream. Smile