To wonder how bad a third child at 40 would be?

[Phuquocdreams]

Had risky sex yesterday and my Fitbit tells me I’m ovulating today. Whoops. Contemplating heading out for the morning after pill now but part of me is thinking ah well I’ll deal with that if it happens...
Older two are 6 and 2.5. Looking forward to the youngest being out of nappies and having a bit more freedom - and lower childcare bills. And more relaxed holidays. And sleeeeepppp....
And having time to myself at 55 rather a recalcitrant teen. So should I be hot footing it to a chemist

I remember that family planning slogan "Every child a wanted child". You clearly don't want another baby. If it were me I'd be off to the pharmacy.

Yes go to the pharmacy!!

In 9 months your youngest would be nearly 3.5! That is not a toddler! Well on their way to starting school. And they will be out of nappies. Enjoy your early 40s as a mum of school aged dc.

You'd need to get a move on OP if you are ovulating today. Morning after pill is unlikely to be very effective if you've already ovulated. You may need an emergency coil fitted.

Ok rang dh. He is hungover and would barely concentrate on the question, but said it was up to me, then said we should leave it til when we plan more, then when I said it was now or never because of the age gap said ah sure, leave it then, don’t get the MAP.

I don't think your age is that relevant given your others are still little, but do you want a third at all? I had my third a few months shy of 40 and it's fine, ideally I would have had three closer together but miscarriages intervened (they are 4,8 and 12 nkw)

If I was younger I think I might want a third. The age gap between 2nd and 3rd would be fine, but with 7 years (almost) between 1st and 3rd it would surely be hard to entertain them all? Just recently I’ve been thinking of how lovely newborn cuddles are - I do love small babies but they don’t stay small babies!
I KNOW the wisest thing is to take the MAP but I’m just struggling to take the positive step as I know that would be almost a final decision on having a third.

You're not too old and the age gap isn't that big. I had one at 36, 39 and 41. Initially I had 3 under 5 and balancing a baby with the school run was... interesting. If you want a third go for, if you don't then get the coil fitted.

I love babies too! I have never lost that broody feeling. But personally I would not have considered having a third child in my 40’s. But plenty of people do. Good luck OP.

I’m your age with the same age kids. I’d be running to the chemist. I’m ready to enjoy the next phase of having older children, no way would I want to go back to babyhood again. My kids get on, we have fun as a family, life feels easy, I would risk our balance for another baby. Especially at 40 when the risks are greater. And the chance of twins increases as you get older too- imagine if you had twins!

I'm 40 soon with a five month old, and haven't slept much since August (in fact struggled to spell "slept" then), and she's only my second. But when she beams at me, I melt. If I was two years younger I'd go again at 40!

I'd be at the chemist too. In fact I ran to the chemist on my second but fate had other plans.

I found 2 to 3 the hardest. I still.feel like o don't have time for everyone

It's now or never probably. If you have a secure marriage and life I'd go for it.

My kids are older than yours and I am younger than you - I can’t think of anything worse. I love having my evenings and nights to myself!

But for you - your still in the toddler zone so it would be ok. But of course onlh you can say whether you actively want to do it.

I also think the step from 2-3 kids is huge.

No way personally. Ugh I can't think of anything worse than having another.

Do you want another? And what if it’s the same sex as your other two? Will you resent the decision? It’s very unreasonable to ‘see what happens’ in the hole it’s a different sex to your first two children, you need to want another baby regardless if this. And it’s such a bad reason too!!!

I'd be at the chemist the moment they opened, tbh. I'm your age, mine are 8 and 6 and every time I sleep in a bit on the weekend while they get themselves cereal and watch telly I think: "This is bloody brilliant."
Mine weren't great sleepers. Can you tell?
But then, mine also had some complex health needs and I work full time. I ever had a baby who slotted straight into the family, and I've no reason to suspect I would have one the third time. Plus I bloody hated being pregnant: i felt sick for 5 months and had heartburn the rest of the time. Never in a million years would I have another. I love babies though, and I'd happily cuddle any I could get my hands on right now.... But nope. I read your first post and was wincing.

The difference between you and me, OP, is that I've already mentally shut that door and said "NO MORE BABIES" as I locked it but you're trying to decide if that's something you want to do.

I'll say this as a 3rd child, whose siblings both have 3 kids: it's something my SIL said to me when I was expecting my second: 2 kids play together and fight sometimes. 3 kids = one person left out. Always.

I am 37 with a 1 year old and a 5+6. No one in this earth could convince me to start again, it's been like a conveyor belt and I'm relieved to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Get the map.

I've never actively had my babies.... I find it a bit insulting to suggest thats somehow negative! (Not from you op but from a pp) both have been unplanned... and my first I even did get the morning after pill but it failed! I'm so happy I have both of them. I think sometimes these 'accidents' can let you know what you really want... and it sounds to me like you actually want another baby. I dont think theres anything wrong with leaving it up to chance. You have the space in the house, you could support and love another child. In your situation I personally wouldn't get the morning after pill. Well my experience is it might not work anyway!!

If you give birth to a disabled, after the late 30's the odds are much higher, child because you want a baby then you would never forgive yourself.Don't do it at your age, think of the child and not just yourself!

It doesn't sound like you want to take the MAP and it doesn't sound like your husband wants to rule out having another child either. In that case; I'd leave it to fate.

I have 2 children. I would have gone for a third definitely when mine were still young and hardwork and full time. But mine are now teenagers and I am so glad I don't have a third. Because teenagers are so incredibly expensive and I don't see it ending.

I realise you don't need to give in to brands or become a taxi service or eat out and all that - but I want to and am so glad there is not a third one to shell out for.

I had my last one at almost 40, it was ok then but in my 50's with an autistic, teenage son it's exhausting.

2 was right for us. Had our oldest when I was nearly 40, husband nearly 46, 8 year gap between him and his big sister. Physically, I felt a huge difference. He was a spectacular surprise, off to Sixth Form in September and I may burst with love and pride. But I will also be very much looking forward in a few years to more recreational time with my husband, relocating to a smaller, more easily manageable home, less cooking, less washing, more sleep! and the next phase of our lives. The prospect of another 5 years with a young teenager isn’t something I would relish to be honest and if we had been given the choice we would have had our son 5 years earlier.

I think you sound like you are talking yourself into it. Think of it like would you be gutted if you weren't pregnant?