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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want MIL's dog in the house with my baby

81 replies

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 12:21

or is it just my PFB syndrome talking!

said dog is an excitable collie with no manners at all. Jumps up at people, begs at table, all over furniture and beds leaving hair everywhere, howls if left alone.

MIL wont leave it at home cos it chews her house up- Aww she just gets lonely-so wont visit unless dog comes too. I am worried about germs and at the back of my mind it attacking DD (10wks). Frankly even it licking her would freak me out.

DH and MIL think I am unreasonable. Under loads of pressure -you are stopping her seeing her granddaughter. What to do??

OP posts:

MamaG · 02/07/2007 12:21

Will you be leaving baby alone with dog? I assume not. Would MIL lock him in thekitchen?

pigleto · 02/07/2007 12:23

Can the dog stay in the car?

maisym · 02/07/2007 12:25

why should you have this stress when you've got a new baby - your mil will be coming to see her grandchild - not running after her dog all day. She should put the dog in a kennels for a day or have a friend look it.

Idobelieveinfairies · 02/07/2007 12:25

I would feel the same tbh.

hope you can work something out.x

TooTicky · 02/07/2007 12:26

I wouldn't have the dog loose in the same room as the baby if it jumps on people. Can it be put in the garden or held on a short lead?

Original poster

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 12:28

MIL always reneges on agreements about the dog. She has in the past agreed to leave it in kitchen but then let it out when no-one could stand the howling.

I won't leave them alone but will probably get stick for that too along lines of dont you trust me. I don't think I can trust her to supervise baby and dog as she has so much more faith in it than me.

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mummydoit · 02/07/2007 12:28

How long are MIL's visits? If she's popping round for half an hour, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to leave the dog at home (if it chews, she needs to train it!). If it's all day/overnight, I'd be inclined to let her bring the dog but insist it stays in a different room or the garden. My MIL had a beautifully behaved dog who was gentle as anything but I still wouldn't leave him in a room alone with my kids when they were tiny. Luckily, MIL completely agreed and the dog was always in the garden or the kitchen.

mumbleboo · 02/07/2007 12:30

Just because the dog is friendly and gentle(ish) with adults is no reason to suppose it will be with your baby. No way would i let a dog, even my PIL's very docile old collie near DS even now he's 15months because you just cannot predict how a dog will behave- and they can easily hurt a baby even by accident. Your baby and your worry free state of mind is more important than a dog. Stand your ground if it's important to you. Hope you get it sorted x

smallwhitecat · 02/07/2007 12:31

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flibbertyjibbet · 02/07/2007 12:32

Not pfbs. We have two ds's and I CAN'T STAND the way the inlaws assume that we should let our 2yo and 1yo play with a dog that is 1/2 god knows what, 1/4 jack russell and (ulp) 1/4 PIT BULL TYPE.
When it used to go to lick the kids I always wanted to puke. Ugh and dog hairs on the furniture and carpets for a crawling baby to eat, bleaghgghghhg.
My friend who is a police dog handler said never ever ever have little kids near dogs as you just never know when a dog will get fed up of playing, become irritable and snap.
Of course the inlaws dog 'wouldn't hurt a fly' (they say) but we are taking no chances and of course I am unpopular, but at least DP and I are united on this.
However as we don't have a dog, and dogs are smelly things, we do have a rule that if they visit with dog, the dog is in the yard for the whole time, maybe you could try that?

FioFio · 02/07/2007 12:35

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krang · 02/07/2007 12:40

My PIL have two collies, one of which really doesn't like children.

The collies are always outside all the time when we come to visit, and if they have to bring them down here they are in the garden.

PILs are very aware that dogs are animals and therefore unpredictable and would never, ever leave my DS unsupervised with the dogs. They are responsible dog owners and I appreciate that. You are not being paranoid if you don't want an excitable dog in your house with your baby. Not only is it your baby, it is also your house and therefore your rules.

Ask her politely to leave the dog at home or in your garden. Though to be honest your MIL sounds like the worst kind of dog owner and she should bloody well get it trained and be responsible.

FioFio · 02/07/2007 12:41

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Original poster

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 12:42

I suppose I know that some of it is my general feelings about dogs- just don't really like em. Got bitten by a collie when I was a child so some of it goes back to then.

And general feelings about MIL who seems very over involved in all her children's lives to me. DH and I have had words before about him taking her side.

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flibbertyjibbet · 02/07/2007 12:44

I have a daydream of moving to a house with not-very well enclosed garden, next to a busy road. Of course we will repair the fence to make it safe for the children, after the mil's dog has escaped...

elfinblast · 02/07/2007 12:46

Your house, your baby, your decision.

I can't say I'd be very happy with a bouncy moulting dog pinging round my house if I had a baby.

Perhaps she could pay a friendly local kid a couple quid to take said mutt for a walk while she visits you or get a friend to "dog sit".

Original poster

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 12:46

Sounds like an agreement that it stays outside might be way forward. I can probably get DH to back me up on that and she might listen to him!

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smallwhitecat · 02/07/2007 12:47

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iwouldgoouttonight · 02/07/2007 12:49

My PIL have a collie who they bring when they come to stay. Its a lovely dog but scares our cat and brings in mud and all sorts of crap from outside on its feet so I don't like it in the house but put up with it while they're here because they have nobody to leave it with.

BUT it is very well behaved and PILs make sure it is never left alone with DS and they make it lie down in the corner of the room while he is playing. So I don't think you're being unreasonable - if your MIL had the dog under control and could make it sit when its told to then maybe you could just put up with it, but if its bounding all over the place I'd ask her to keep it in another room or in the garden.

I think its polite for people with dogs to keep them under control, whether or not you have a young baby - e.g. my mum is really scared of dogs jumping up at her so friends with excitable dogs always leave them at home when they see her - I think thats just a polite thing to do.

BigGitDad · 02/07/2007 12:49

I have two dogs and think you are entitled not to have the dog in your house. Your mil knows the situation and so chooses whether to visit. End of story and do not feel guilty if she is not prepared to be flexible. It is your child and your house.
For the record I made my mother leave her two dogs at home when she came to visit our youngest adter his birth as I said there was too much going on in the house and she agreed.
Has she not a friend she can leave the dog with?

Original poster

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 13:02

MIL lives 2hr drive away so all day/ overnight vists rather than drop in. None of her friends even SIL will look after dog as it is such a pest and she is never really happy that anyone else will look after it well enough. She is too cheap to put it in a kennel and at heart believes it is cruel to leave it. It usually sleeps on her bed.

The one time she did leave it for a day to come up here it was a Monday and she declared that was OK as it was used to being left on Mondays-FFS its a dog how does it know its Monday!

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Chirpygirl · 02/07/2007 13:08

MIL's dog came with her to visit us, it is a yappy little toy breed with no training whatsoever, it has snapped at me on numerous occasions over the last 12 years but there is no talking to her, she will not leave it behind.
(disclaimer, I love dogs, but think they should be trained not to attack, snarl or jump up at people!)

She lunged at DD once when she was a week old and had jumped onto the sofa to have a look as I was changing her, and I batted her across the room, such a satisyfing moment. She also tried to attack me when I took DD off MIL as she was crying.
After this I had words with MIL and made it clear she was not to be left alone with DD under any circumstances and I woudl not hesitate to kick her across the room should anything happen. She is not allowed off her lead while in the house now.

I now have a stairgate up and the dog has it's own bowl in my kitchen if it needs to run around but I made it clear it is to be locked in another room if it is off the lead.
I think you should ask her to keep it on a lead or in another room but if she is going to be odd about it suggest it as the baby might hurt the dog unintentionally, you will know it is bollocks but it will have the desired result.

Good luck!

tuppy · 02/07/2007 13:08

Tell her to tell the mutt it's Monday.

Actually her dog sounds really badly trained and possibly too territorial - sleeping on her bed ?

FioFio · 02/07/2007 13:09

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Original poster

mamadoc · 02/07/2007 13:11

Tuppy- now why didn't I think of that!

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