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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to split birthday party presents?

107 replies

Xuli · 05/12/2018 11:47

DD is sharing her party with a classmate, all great. However there could be over 30 children coming (community centre style, therefore very flexible with numbers). I don't really want her to get 30+ presents, that's just a hell of a lot and we're not having a big party so that we can get loads of presents.

Classmate and DD are good friends and most of the attendees will be friends of both of them, so not easy to say DD invited X so only by a present for her, Classmate invited Y so only buy for her etc.

One mum suggested (as she does this for her twins) that attendees who want to buy a present buy one that could work for either child and then at the end of the party we divide the presents between the two birthday girls.

Is that a silly suggestions, or could that work?

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 05/12/2018 11:49

Totally different than with twins who live in the same house Confused no, just let people give what they like, receive whatever gratefully and let your daughter decide what she does with her presents

chillpizza · 05/12/2018 11:50

A couple of parents did this at our school. Two mums arranged for both their sons to share a party. Invite stated do not name a present if you bring one as they will just split them.

Parents where not happy. Maybe their child only liked B child really wanted to get him X but A child might get it etc. Parents that attended just brought two identical cheap presents that didn’t really relate to either child in the end just so it didn’t matter who got what so it didn’t change how many presents in the end but they both got cheap tat.

ChocolateStash · 05/12/2018 11:51

Have you asked the other child's parents what they want to do? That would be the first thing to do. It depends on their opinion too.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 11:53

Chocolate, I wanted to see if it was a really weird idea before mentioning it to the other mum Smile

I hadn't thought of that, chillpizza - I was thinking more that most of the children coming are mutual friends of both so wouldn't mind, but obviously some might mind!

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 05/12/2018 12:00

It’s a weird idea.

TBDO · 05/12/2018 12:00

My DC like buying specific presents for birthdays - they really think about what their friends like. While I might be happy with providing a generic present suitable for either child, my DC could be disappointed that they didn’t get to choose a special present for their friend.

I wouldn’t mention presents at all. Just make sure that there are 2 x good party bags to hand out at the end. Not just one!

HotInWinter · 05/12/2018 12:03

I think I'd split the invites. So your daughter invites 15 kids, and her friend invites the other 15.
I'd be a Hmm about an unlabelled present, because I get my kids to guide me as to what the child likes.

Those who know both girls very well will soon twig it's a shared party, and can buy 2 presents if they choose.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:05

I wouldn’t mention presents at all. Just make sure that there are 2 x good party bags to hand out at the end. Not just one!

Ah crap, we had been thinking one party bag but you're probably right! We'll rethink that.

Weird idea then and only the parents will like it - thanks MN, I will scrap it!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:06

We went to a joint 5th birthday party last week and DD was very particular in wanting to buy x for x child, and y for y child, based on what she knew they like.
Don’t think it would work, sorry.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:07

I wouldn’t mention presents at all. Just make sure that there are 2 x good party bags to hand out at the end. Not just one!

I don’t think this is necessary. We’ve been to lots of joint parties and mine have always been happy with one party bag, as have I (less clutter at home).

BlackrockMum · 05/12/2018 12:07

My son has had many shared parties with school friends as in class of 30, 3 have birthdays in October, 4 in November, 3 December etc. we always put 'only one present please if bringing a gift,' on invites and the kids divvy up, its honestly never caused any problems. We flip a coin and one goes first he has first pick , then second etc. When we got some money /voucher gifts they are just divided equally.

We have divvied them up wrapped and unwrapped, unwrapped was a bit odd to me first time suggested but actually works far best.

One year there was a nerf gun one boy fancied my son picked it but when he heard other boy say I was going to pick it my son happily swapped.

We've had parties with three boys often, and in that case we go boy one picks, then boy two, then boy three , then we reverse with boy three first, boy two then boy one, etc, Parents seem to like it have to say they got nicer gifts as a parents feel they are getting one less gift than usual.

when there was an odd number of gifts it just seems to get sorted.

Chickychoccyegg · 05/12/2018 12:07

I would leave it, let parents bring what they want, that is the simplest way, chances are people will buy 2 smaller gifts

firawla · 05/12/2018 12:07

I wouldn’t say anything, I’ve never come across people doing this for a shared party. They might just spend less on each gift if it’s a stretch to buy for both, but let people do what they like! Dd can always donate or regift if it’s really too many

TBDO · 05/12/2018 12:09

Oh no, one party bag is not a good idea. They are the highlight of any party (in my DC school anyway).

Just having one party bag will seem stingy, especially for those parents who buy two presents.

Excited101 · 05/12/2018 12:09

2 party bags?! How ridiculous! Kids aren’t having 2 parties- that’s the whole point of a joint party!

MissWimpyDimple · 05/12/2018 12:09

One party bag!!!! Jeez. Definitely not two.

We've done lots of joint parties and the kids get what they get. Some buy for both some don't.

BlackrockMum · 05/12/2018 12:10

should say we have never done more than one party bag, and never received more then one

Annasgirl · 05/12/2018 12:11

Where I live (posh part of Dublin - only relevant due to the figures involved) we have a policy of €5 in a card per child and then if there are 30 kids (which there could be at a shared party) they get the cash from 30 kids. Also, if there are 15, they get the cash from 15. We all agreed at the start of the year - one of us sent a text around, and it has been a godsend, just wish I had initiated it on DC1 and DC2!!! I've spent hundreds over the years on presents.

Also, if sharing a party I don't think it is fair to say a child brings a present for one dedicated person - we shared a party for DS1 5th birthday and there were 3DC, one girl and two boys so the girl received twice as many presents as they boys but each mum paid the same share of the party - I thought that was unfair on us and the DC - they saw the present piles before we left the venue!!!

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:11

Just having one party bag will seem stingy, especially for those parents who buy two presents

I’ve akways bought 2 presents for a joint party and never thought 1 party bag was stingy. And my DC have never complained. One party = one party bag.

OnoAnotherNC · 05/12/2018 12:15

Money in a card is ideal, this is then equally split between the party children. I also think only one party bag should be fine.

noenergy · 05/12/2018 12:16

DD has been to parties for up to 4 girls having a joint party. We get each one a present or money in a card. Only ever get 1 party bag, not 4.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:17

Now I'm confused about the party bag situation Confused

I was thinking a bit about the cost for the parents too. If DD or Classmate had thrown their own party, we would each probably have only invited a few friends. But we've lucked out on this shared venue, so there's at least half their class who wouldn't normally have been invited to either party, and definitely not both. I'm probably overthinking that bit!

I have this image in my head of getting 33 sparkly notepads and pen sets from Paperchase. DD will love them all but so soon after Christmas the house will barely take the strain!

OP posts:
OnlyonplanetMN · 05/12/2018 12:20

My DD went to a joint party a couple of weeks ago. There was only one party bag and no one thought anything else about it. In fact it would seem really weird to have two as it's one party Confused

ChocolateStash · 05/12/2018 12:20

You could donate any unwanted gifts to a children's charity/woman's refuge/local homeless centre/local Hospital/Local Hospice etc. There are lots of children who would appreciate a gift at Christmas.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:21

That's a really good idea, chocolate, and DD would like doing that too.

OP posts:
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