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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to split birthday party presents?

107 replies

Xuli · 05/12/2018 11:47

DD is sharing her party with a classmate, all great. However there could be over 30 children coming (community centre style, therefore very flexible with numbers). I don't really want her to get 30+ presents, that's just a hell of a lot and we're not having a big party so that we can get loads of presents.

Classmate and DD are good friends and most of the attendees will be friends of both of them, so not easy to say DD invited X so only by a present for her, Classmate invited Y so only buy for her etc.

One mum suggested (as she does this for her twins) that attendees who want to buy a present buy one that could work for either child and then at the end of the party we divide the presents between the two birthday girls.

Is that a silly suggestions, or could that work?

OP posts:
ScottyDog7 · 05/12/2018 12:21

I think one party bag is fine, but make sure it has some good stuff in.

OnlyonplanetMN · 05/12/2018 12:24

Echo what Chocolate says. Barnardos and local charities all do a drop off point for collecting toys for underprivileged children every Christmas. We do it every year and Wicks is the drop off point for us. It must be something unopened/unused though.

Shoppingwithmother · 05/12/2018 12:24

2 party bags is completely ridiculous. Not necessary at all. We have been to loads of shared parties and nobody has ever done more than one party bag.

My DCs have occasionally been invited to parties where the invitation has said it is specifically from one of the children, only bring a present for them. Most of the time we would bring a present for each birthday child though.

Splitting the presents is completely different if the children are twins than if they are two random children living in different houses - I think it’s a silly idea. Off topic slightly but so do also think if you have twins who are both invited to a party you should get a separate present from each of them, as they are two separate children and presumably when they have a party other children get them a present each.

Stick with one party bag but as you are sharing the cost you can make them a bit better than you might otherwise.

dustarr73 · 05/12/2018 12:25

I do money in a card,as i dont know what the kids would like.Especially if its only a school friend.

reluctantbrit · 05/12/2018 12:26

I always buy two gifts for a joined party. Even if I don't know the other child I bring a token gift. For me that's just normal manners.

I would fear that it would cause unrepaireable damage if something would go wrong while diving gifts or people would put child x's name on their gift and then you have an uneven number. Big no.

DD always just got 1 party bag for joined party. I don't think I would ever expect two.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:27

Shopping, good point, I'll make sure to stress on the few invites that are for an out-of-school friend of DD's that they need to buy for the other child they have never met.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:27

Oh, and remind the other mum to do the same!

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 05/12/2018 12:28

Two cheap prezzies, one decent party bag is the only way out of this one (unfortunately!)

In the age of B&M Bargains, two birthday gifts isn’t too much usually.Wink

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2018 12:29

You dont need two party bags, is not a party bag per present. Its a party bag per party.

I wouldnt split the presents either, imagine if one child got a present your DC really wanted. Just gratefully accept what you get (apparently everyone gives cash), and use it as an excuse to store or give away what you dont want from your existing toys.

GreenTulips · 05/12/2018 12:30

I have twins and I always spilt the invites so invited guest only brought one gift for the child who invited them

Makes it so much easier and far less cheeky than expecting two gifts

GreenTulips · 05/12/2018 12:31

In my mind it's one party one meal one gift bag one present

kilburnfrenchie · 05/12/2018 12:31

We do joint birthdays in dd class. She is 5. We all put £5/birthday child in and parents buy a present for their Child- or we buy one big present on behalf of class. Avoids endless piles of plastic going to landfill, means kids get one thing they might like/ want, keeps things simple and makes sure it’s reasonably fair across all the birthday kids.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:34

apparently everyone gives cash

Sadly not around here! Everyone gives presents here. I'd much rather give cash sometimes, the kids are turning 7 and starting to get old enough to have idea about what they like and it might be nice to learn about saving and spending.

Around here it's generally a lot of generic presents which, while lovely, are rarely personalised - so parents have a stash of books or stationary sets or craft gifts ready for any party that happens. I have given cash a few times but have always felt I have had to check first if that was ok.

OP posts:
sickmumma · 05/12/2018 12:34

Honestly the prices of parties these days I would be fine buying two gifts for a shared party and def wouldn't be expecting two party bags 😳

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:35

We all put £5/birthday child in and parents buy a present for their Child- or we buy one big present on behalf of class. Avoids endless piles of plastic going to landfill, means kids get one thing they might like/ want, keeps things simple and makes sure it’s reasonably fair across all the birthday kids.

I think that's a great idea but I really can't see it going down too well around here, sadly.

OP posts:
UbiquitousDust · 05/12/2018 12:37

We've never done 2 party bags for a joint party. As far as the kids are concerned, it's 1 party, not 2.

As for just splitting the presents in half, that just seems a bit rude to me eg " we don't care about your present so we'll just throw it into whichever bag is closest".

Just accept any presents gratefully. If when you get home, there are too many, then just open them over a few days.

You'll probably find parents will ask their kid which of the two is their closest friend and only buy one present anyway.

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 05/12/2018 12:38

my DS school always have shared parties, sometimes as many as 6 sharing but only 1 party bag type gift at the end.
They also tend to state do not buy gifts but if you want to give then put £1 in an envelope. at the end each child has £30 to go and buy themselves a nice present from their class. It's a lovely idea and saves having 30 small tat presents!

cariadlet · 05/12/2018 12:38

When dd was in Year 1 she had a joint party. 4 girls whose birthdays were close together. We asked for attendees to bring one wrapped and unnamed present. At the end of the party we split the gifts into 4 piles.

Each girl ended up with a few nice pressies. As it was the age of whole class parties and parents would have ended up buying 4 presents if there were 4 parties, I think that they appreciated only having to buy 1.

We gave out one party bag. Parents split costs and jobs, and party bags were organized by one person.

UbiquitousDust · 05/12/2018 12:41

@Xuli - do you mean: I'll make sure to stress on the few invites that are for an out-of-school friend of DD's that they DON'T need to buy for the other child they have never met?

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:42

Ha! Yes Ubiquitous that's what I mean - Christ, the other way would be grabby as fuck!

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 12:42

Hmm it's a bit of a dilemma I always get both kids a present as id have done that in 2 parties, and although splitting means you split the cost I think it means you invite far more than you might for one party so it's nice in a way as more childen are included.

Only one party bag is definitely the norm here!

TwiceAsNice22 · 05/12/2018 12:45

I have twins and have only ever done one party bag, giving 2 seems weird. I think you are overthinking it. Most people will get a present for each child and be fine about it.

Shopping - I agree, my twins always give a present each to the birthday child. Gets a bit tricky when they go to another twin birthday though; do they each give a present to each twin, so 4 presents in total 😂

mcmooberry · 05/12/2018 12:45

I would be very happy with that plan of yours and am surprised so many people wouldn't be. It actually puts me off having a party the thought of all those presents arriving in the house. I would love to be at a school where the fiver or £1 in a card was the norm. My twins invite half the class each to avoid people having to buy 2 gifts (although some still do....)

Bumbumtaloo · 05/12/2018 12:46

DD2 goes to lots of joint parties, her year group at school seem to have lots of birthdays grouped together and our village hall gets a lot of use.

We always buy two presents - usually around the £5 mark and get one party bag, although most tend to do sweet cones, a balloon and a bit of cake.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:47

I also think going to a kids party and complaining that one party bag is stingy says more about the complainer than the host!