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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to split birthday party presents?

107 replies

Xuli · 05/12/2018 11:47

DD is sharing her party with a classmate, all great. However there could be over 30 children coming (community centre style, therefore very flexible with numbers). I don't really want her to get 30+ presents, that's just a hell of a lot and we're not having a big party so that we can get loads of presents.

Classmate and DD are good friends and most of the attendees will be friends of both of them, so not easy to say DD invited X so only by a present for her, Classmate invited Y so only buy for her etc.

One mum suggested (as she does this for her twins) that attendees who want to buy a present buy one that could work for either child and then at the end of the party we divide the presents between the two birthday girls.

Is that a silly suggestions, or could that work?

OP posts:

FreshEyre · 05/12/2018 12:52

Just make sure that there are 2 x good party bags to hand out at the end.

Curious to know what exactly a good party bag should contain. Or do people generally put together shit party bags?

Original poster

Xuli · 05/12/2018 12:53

It actually puts me off having a party the thought of all those presents arriving in the house. I would love to be at a school where the fiver or £1 in a card was the norm.

Me too - I think it's easier for everyone, and I'm also a bit worried about how grabby getting so many presents might look.

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BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 12:54

Joint parties are the pits. I thought the whole idea was for it to be a special celebration for your child? Unless you have twins/multiples it’s really tight imo and of course people will feel they have to provide 2/3 or however many presents. If money is an issue a birthday tea or picnic at the park in the nice weather is much preferable imo.
I agree 2 party bags is silly though. Just do 1 really nice one.
I can’t imagine being one of a group of 6 birthday children and possibly having your party not very near to your birthday would feel like much of a celebration for any of them.

hibbledibble · 05/12/2018 13:00

I agree two party bags is rediculous, and wasteful. All that plastic that will end up in the bin!

Personally, I wouldn't mention presents at all. It is often seen as rude by English people. If you have too many gifts then donate as per above suggestions. A lot of food banks will take children's presents too.

Original poster

Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:03

Really? As far as I'm aware both children are really excited because they are getting a big (in their eyes) party that we would never have been able to afford on our own. Also I'm not throwing a picnic party in January

OP posts:

Notaballetmum · 05/12/2018 13:07

1 party bag is fine! 2 pieces of cake because I presume each birthday child will have one.
Agree that contributions of money towards a big gift would be great but if that won’t go down well then I think you have to accept 30 presents!

ExFury · 05/12/2018 13:09

DD2s best friend shares her birthday and they had joint parties several years jn a row. Presents were just brought as normal - if they had their parties a day apart people would buy two. We just made clear on the invitations who was inviting them - so classmates were invited to x and y’s party where as next door were invited to X’s party.

We always did one party bag, but made it a bit bigger/better than usual so it was a joint effort thing.

thecatsthecats · 05/12/2018 13:11

Two party bags idea exists somewhere on the spectrum between insane and stupid. Either or both, with no redeeming features.

One slightly better party bag - fine!

Original poster

Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:12

We just made clear on the invitations who was inviting them - so classmates were invited to x and y’s party where as next door were invited to X’s party.

That's a great idea, I'll make sure that we remember to do that for anyone outside of the class.

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BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 13:17

No a birthday tea in the park in January wouldn’t be good but if I was strapped for cash I’d do it at home. Great that you’re saving money but it’s at the expense of your guests who will buy more than one gift and go to 1 less party.

Original poster

Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:21

Not many of them would be going to one less party though. In fact, most of them won't be. If we'd done the parties separately we'd both only have been able to invite maybe 4 or 5 children, and some of them would have been the same. This way the whole class gets to be invited and we're getting much more bang for around the same buck we would have spent individually.

Sorry, that's probably derailing now but bit bemused by that suggestion.

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SoyDora · 05/12/2018 13:21

Going to one less party would be a benefit for me .
We had two parties last weekend and 3 the weekend before. All DD’s school friends, all bar one were joint parties. If they’d been individual parties we’d all have gone party insane I think.
Honestly I don’t think many parents are so bothered about things being ‘fair’ that they’d be annoyed about a joint party.

Bear2014 · 05/12/2018 13:22

Joint parties are very much encouraged around here, actively so by class whatsapp groups etc. Avoids party clashes and frees up more family time for people. Also party costs are huge. We usually take a nice book as a present for each birthday child, unless it is a best friend and DD has an opinion about what they might want. We have never given/received more than one party bag per party - that's just weird!

Shoppingwithmother · 05/12/2018 13:23

FFS, Bumsex, everyone I know would be bloody grateful to go to one fewer party - that’s one of the prime benefits of shared parties!

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 13:24

Bumsex just because you don't like them it dosent mean others don't.

You don't have to attend them.

chillpizza · 05/12/2018 13:24

I do agree with bumsex on it does seem less personal and a bit tight.

We just do what party our child wants that we can afford. Sometimes it’s the whole year group, sometimes it’s 4 friends sometimes we just go out as a family it all depends on what they want. It is naff when you then get invited to a joint party at the same place you held alone thinking tight arses. No more than a couple of the invited children are going to get on with both/all the dedicated birthday children. Basically it’s just hey lets go to soft play as a class but give me a present for my kid.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/12/2018 13:30

Could you ask people on the invite to buy a single gift for a " birthday lucky dip" for the bday pair and then have them both do the dip at the end of the party? Provided you have an equal number coming of course. It's the same as the twin mum suggestion but it adds a bit of fun. I don't know. I would usually just buy two presents for a joint party but 30 presents is an awful lot!

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 13:35

It is naff when you then get invited to a joint party at the same place you held alone thinking tight arses

I just think they’re sensible, and lucky to have another child with a close enough birthday to share the costs!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2018 13:36

It is naff when you then get invited to a joint party at the same place you held alone thinking tight arses i dont think people think this. One less party to attend and also for the parents hosting less stress about people not turning up (i read a lot on here about lack of rsvps).

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 05/12/2018 13:36

I would say One party bag is fine but put more in than if you weren't sharing it else it looks a bit

I think you need to go with the flow re presents, otherwise I fear you will cause more problems than you solve. Keep a list of who gave what and if there are duplicates or things your DD already has, you can always regift to someone not close to the person who gave it. Or ask you DD to let you take some to the Salvation Army/similar for families in need of some help.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 13:37

I’m honestly a bit surprised at all these parents who are judging parents for being ‘stingy’ over shared parties, one party bag rather than two etc. Do people really think like this?
I usually just think ‘good on them for being sensible and for not spending money when it’s not needed’.

VeniVidiViciTwice · 05/12/2018 13:39

Not what you are asking but I just don't get sharing birthday parties with people.

diddl · 05/12/2018 13:42

I think that it's fine as a way of being able to do a class party-as long as it's what both kids want.

With the dividing of the presents-isn't there likely to be something that one gets that the other one also wants?

QuilliamCakespeare · 05/12/2018 13:42

One party bag is bad enough. No one needs two!

Original poster

Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:42

Why not, Veni?

The other mum and I were THRILLED last year when we realised the girls had similar birthdays and we could do something together.

Anastasia, I think that was what I was imaging. Because yes, 30 or so presents is an awful lot.

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