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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to split birthday party presents?

107 replies

Xuli · 05/12/2018 11:47

DD is sharing her party with a classmate, all great. However there could be over 30 children coming (community centre style, therefore very flexible with numbers). I don't really want her to get 30+ presents, that's just a hell of a lot and we're not having a big party so that we can get loads of presents.

Classmate and DD are good friends and most of the attendees will be friends of both of them, so not easy to say DD invited X so only by a present for her, Classmate invited Y so only buy for her etc.

One mum suggested (as she does this for her twins) that attendees who want to buy a present buy one that could work for either child and then at the end of the party we divide the presents between the two birthday girls.

Is that a silly suggestions, or could that work?

OP posts:
chillpizza · 05/12/2018 13:43

We have a good five other children with birthdays very close to ours. I wouldn’t want my child to share a party it’s not special then. As I said it’s then basically class meet up but give me presents with two people hosting.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:44

With the dividing of the presents-isn't there likely to be something that one gets that the other one also wants?

Yes, thinking about it carefully it probably is unworkable in that way and might result in even more generic notepad-type presents than if people are buying for a specific girl. But I do know that loads of the class who will be invited don't know either girl that well and so probably would just buy a generic 7-year-old-girl present that could easily be shared.

Maybe I'll wait until after Christmas and if the other mum has been inundated with Christmas presents then there might be something we can work out!

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 05/12/2018 13:50

It's a great idea to halve the presents, you're halving the party costs presumably? Either lucky dip or a suggestion on the invite. 30 presents each is just obscene

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:05

Well if going to parties is such a chore you don’t have to go to any! Most kids like going to parties though and would rather 2 than one.
The hosts spend less because the guests get less - but are still basically obliged to get 2 presents if they know both birthday children. So yes the parents do save but the guests pick up the tab.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 14:16

So yes the parents do save but the guests pick up the tab.

And that is exactly what I am trying to prevent!!

OP posts:
OnceUponAGiraffe · 05/12/2018 14:22

I did a joint party for my son’s sixth birthday. Crossover of friends. We put with the invitation a note which said words to the effect “we’d love you to come, and we’re not expecting you to bring anything, but if you’d like to bring a gift please bring it for x” and divided them up. Another joint party had done something similar a few months before. It worked really well.

OnceUponAGiraffe · 05/12/2018 14:23

Oh and a single party bag (book people book + packet of sweets, IIRC).

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 14:24

Not necessarily BumSex, as mentioned previously they tend to be much larger as a result.

And the OP has only posted this thread to try and not have people buying two gifts!

The parties at your school sound absolutely perfect in every way, you'll have to let us all know how it should be done.

Spiggity · 05/12/2018 14:26

I have twins. As a result we have 2 classes worth of friends to invite. There are joint parties all the time. Someone (usually a good friend of the mothers) starts a gift group on whatsapp and arranges a collection, not much usually between €3-5 each. Then the money is split between the children and a decent gift is bought. Better to have 1 decent gift than 25 bits of tat. I like the system here and it works well.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 14:26

The hosts spend less because the guests get less - but are still basically obliged to get 2 presents if they know both birthday children. So yes the parents do save but the guests pick up the tab

I genuinely don’t go to parties calculating that I’m getting ‘value for money’ in terms of presents bought and benefit received. I find that really really odd. Some people can afford to host extravagant parties (we’ve been to build a bear parties etc), some can afford to have some round to their house with balloons and party games. That’s life. You don’t always get back what you provide. As long as my children have had a nice time with their friends, then great.

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 14:26

I prefer joint parties than having a lot within a few weeks

I've DONE a joint party and it didn't save me anything as it was much bigger than usual

My DS really liked it.,

News flash : we are not all the same.

DoubleLottchen · 05/12/2018 14:27

When my DC has had joint birthdays parties we have put on the invite: "If you would like to bring a present, please bring one for X" - others in the class have also done this. So they were still labelled, and for a specific person, but parents didn't have to buy twice as many presents (or in the case of one party, three times as many).

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:27

The hosts must know most people will buy presents for all the birthday children.

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 14:29

So what if they do? Do you think that's all people are in it for?

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:30

It’s just my opinion that it’s odd. I wouldn’t really want to organise myself a party with someone from work for eg on the basis that our birthdays are nearish and invite some people we both know and some complete strangers.

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 14:31

You aren't 6 though are you.

HauntedPencil · 05/12/2018 14:31

I wouldn't want to spend my birthday in Charlie Chalks fun factory either.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 14:31

I wouldn’t really want to organise myself a party with someone from work for eg on the basis that our birthdays are nearish and invite some people we both know and some complete strangers

Don’t then Smile

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:33

I’m not talking about the venue I’m talking about grouping kids together for parties based on when they were born to save money.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/12/2018 14:33

Kids parties are such a PITA and eat in to my weekend. Eldest has had one every single weekend this term. I'm always DELIGHTED when there are joint ones. Ideally the whole class would have one big party and get it over with. I'd happily buy them each a gift to have all my weekends clear.

thecatsthecats · 05/12/2018 14:36

Bumsex

I'm sorry to hear you struggle with the concept of meeting strangers in an informal setting, and that the closest scenario you can think of is 'someone from work' rather than, you know, sharing with a friend.

Original poster
Xuli · 05/12/2018 14:40

But they're not two random people, they are friends in the same class with about 80% the same friends!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 05/12/2018 16:18

if they had their parties a day apart people would buy two

Yes but they'd have two parties two part bags two lunches and cake

Cherries101 · 05/12/2018 16:23

I think you need to take a chill pill and wait for the gifts to arrive. It’s very possible that your guests may gift unequally especially if more of the guests know one girl better than the other— it wouldn’t be fair to divide those gifts. Also, what would you do if one friend got gifted something ridiculously expensive and the other decided she liked it more? The whole idea of sharing gifts is one of those things that doesn’t work in a non-sibling situation.

anniehm · 05/12/2018 16:28

It's a bit unusual but I think a good idea - most of our kids have plenty let's face it! We have said that we were donating gifts in the past (due to intercontinental house move) and people were super generous for our chosen charity. How about saying the girls will be picking a few each and donating to children who otherwise don't receive gifts - or "simply please don't feel you have to buy two gifts - the girls will split them and want to donate a few to xxxx".