To be a bit disappointed with boyfriends presents for me?

[poppyflorrie]

Last night I was changing the bed and my boyfriend had hid my presents for Christmas in the blanket chest.
I am grateful but it's just the usual crap basically.
He's got my 2 fav bottles of perfume,a dressing gown,pair of slippers and a no7 skincare set.
It's the same thing pretty much every year.
I try and spice it up for him but he sticks to the same thing.
Aibu being a bit meh about them?

For those that tell their partner what they want and they go to buy it as a gift... what is the point in this? You might as well just not bother with presents and buy the things you want yourselves. Even if you have separate finances, presuming you spend a similar amount on each other, this reciprocal compulsory purchasing of specific gifts seems futile. I really like Christmas and don’t want to seem all bah humbug, but I don’t get the logic of this.

I understand what you mean.
My oh generally gets me flowers, chocs and a bottle of something. They are all nice things and I appreciate them but they aren't very exciting. And since it's always the same stuff I'm not sure how much thought does go into it.

@dinosaurglitterrepublic

I don't happen to see the point of randomising your happiness level on the one day a year you want to be unconditionally happy. Why would you risk being disappointed (as this, and many other threads so far have shown is a common occurrence) when you can be unconditionally happy with a new purchase, with no risk of disappointment?

Buying presents without specific information is essentially gambling, which I don't really understand either. Except you're not just gambling money, you're also gambling happiness, esteem, respect and all those other intangible feelings you have for your partner and they have for you if you choose to use the event as some kind of relationship barometer.

I use Xmas to top up on perfumes and refresh my slippers, so I'd be chuffed! Some men lack imagination and/or confidence buying presents. My DH started getting me weird 'cute' presents like a cheese grater plus some dvds of films I wasn't that keen on and I am stuck on ideas for him every year so we give each other our links to our Amazon wishlists and then take it from there. That way we know what the other person wants but they don't know what has been bought for them.

I get exactly what I want and it's the same every year.....a pair of slippers, chocolate, alcohol, a book, smellies..... usually I buy it and give it to oh to wrap and give me back ....although he sometimes takes the kids to Asda to choose the slippers and chocolates!!! I'm happy, the kids see us getting gifts and can share the giving. - We've been together 12 years.....what I really want is diamond earrings, but I stopped asking about 8 years ago.

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh

I didn't have the heart to say I didn't like it

I'm sorry I'm failing to see how DP is at fault here!

I'd love a bottle of perfume for Xmas - at least you know you'll use it!

At least he tries and has already bought them.

The last few years I have just told DH what I want as has he. So I've got a lovely new food processor, fancy flavoured gin, this year I'm getting a new dressmakers mannequin. We focus our energy on DDs presents.

When you are out and about it's easy to say "oh, I'd quite like that for Xmas" if you see something. Or I send fb messages with links to things I would like.

This is exactly what I detest about Christmas. Your worth is based on what presents you received it seems

How about being grateful that you are fortunate enough to be able to receive such gifts.

I am in a relatively new relationship & told BF that I would be happy with a bottle of my fave perfume & a few other bits & bobs.

Grown adults acting like spoilt children at Christmas makes me cringe!

If you want surprises in the future then tell him that the next time a holiday/birthday is on the horizon.

Be prepared to get something you don’t like though, since even you can’t think of anything you want.

Some people find gift giving really hard. Me!!! My DH is amazing at buying gifts, very thoughtful and just has really good ideas. I am hopeless. I went through a phase of buying Not on the High Street personalized stuff but none of it ever went down that well as it's so generic. A lot of present giving is in the way it is received though. My DH often buys me a handbag and I would never dream of returning or exchanging it. Hate women who are so controlling about what they are given! There is no fun buying presents for someone when you know you'll never get it right and they will probably be disappointed and try to exchange it. Why would you bother!

All this 'surprise look what I got you 'is for kids - with toys.

The whole 'I only got this' and other ungrateful Christmas present tantruming infuriates me. There will be plenty of other not so well off people who would be really grateful & happy with what you have, so think about that for a second.

I'm not overly fond of Christmas & all the present Bla Bla as you've probably guessed from my input, but no way way would I be ungrateful, it's rude & rather distasteful. Although the new dressing gown every year would seem a waste ( getting rid of previous one every year ) just tell him that you don't need another dressing gown every year, simple as.

Why anybody would inflict all this guessing game, mind reading, find me the perfect present on their loved ones I will never know.

*I don't happen to see the point of randomising your happiness level on the one day a year you want to be unconditionally happy. Why would you risk being disappointed (as this, and many other threads so far have shown is a common occurrence) when you can be unconditionally happy with a new purchase, with no risk of disappointment?

Buying presents without specific information is essentially gambling, which I don't really understand either. Except you're not just gambling money, you're also gambling happiness, esteem, respect and all those other intangible feelings you have for your partner and they have for you if you choose to use the event as some kind of relationship barometer.*

Well i agree with this also! This is why we don’t really bother with presents, we share a bank account and just buy stuff for ourselves when we want it. I don’t use presents as a barometer for my happiness or our relationship. If I want something, I just buy it. I prefer to use other and dare I say more useful metrics to measure my happiness and relationship satisfaction.

I guess you are either a present person or you aren’t!

I get what you mean OP... it's sweet that he's been generous and got things he thinks will be a hit, but... it's just a bit of a tick the box approach isn't it? Like "oh here are 5 things that will be acceptable, I'll go down the list and get them a month in advance so that's the job done." It wasn't like he ran out of time and panicked. They are serviceable gifts, but to me, they just scream dull. If someone bought me a dressing gown and a pair of slippers every year I would be like wtf. I'm not an old lady. And even if I was I wouldn't want the same every year!

I don't know what the answer is, OP. If you drop hints about wanting surprises or something different, you might get something really random, or just the same again in different variations. Me and my DH have a list that we each buy from, we also buy some surprises that are our chance to show the other person we have given some thought to what they might like and gone to the effort of researching something different. Not a colour by numbers list of smellies, perfume, etc.

Why are you setting this test for each other? To show you have to try and think of unique things? There are so many present buying occasions a Xmas, birthday, anniversary, and then when you include the kids birthdays and Xmas you are just constantly stressing yourself out over present buying! I don't really understand this, putting yourself under pressure to do research and stuff. It's hard enough trying to fit in normal every day stuff that needs to be done without being set this sort of test!

@ottermum23

Christmas is for children.

Utter tripe. Why do people always come out with this?

I enjoyed Christmas as a child, and I loved it when my own kids were young, and I love it just as much now. We have 2000 lights around our house outside (via around a dozen sets,) including 750 on a 12 foot fir tree. We put the tree up in the house today, the lights up earlier in the week, and we are putting the decorations up tomorrow. On Saturday (the 1st,) we will switch on all the lights.

We have 3 families opposite us, with a total of 7 kids, and they absolutely LOVE our display of lights. They sit there in their bedroom windows after their evening meal, looking at it, mesmerised every evening during December. Their parents have told us they really look forward to it every year. Every year, we put a few more lights up than the last.

We love it, the neighbours love it, our family loves it... In addition, we have several meals out - with our works, our family, and our friends, and also several Christmas holiday nights at the local pub. (Including New year's eve...) We have an amazing December, and an amazing Christmas. Why on earth would you say Christmas is 'only' for children?

It always amazes me how poor lots of people are at seeing other people's points of views.

Some people want a present that someone's thought about and they're willing to accept that this present might not be perfect or exactly to their taste as they appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

Some people simply want to receive a specific luxury item (e.g. perfume) which they wouldn't buy for themselves but can enjoy if given for a gift at christmas.

If you belong to one of these groups it really shouldn't be that difficult that other people might belong to the other group. It doesn't take a huge amount of imagination to see how they might feel.

Why try to denigrate everyone who is different from you by saying "it's just for kids", "what's the point?".

WinterfellWench I love your attitude! I always want to have a house in lights but am a bit lazy and couldn't be bothered to do it. I do agree these things are what you make them. I will try to get a bit more in the spirit this year, I can be a bit Grinch like, partly as I hate the cold and wet weather and let this spill onto my attitude to Christmas. Have fun with adding more lights!

Thanks @Orchiddingme

It's not that hard to put some lights out really... We have the ones on the 12-13 ft fir tree plugged into the garage (with an extension lead,) and the other ones on the house plugged into the inside plugs. The ones in the bushes are battery lights, and solar lights. They do look lovely. Wilkos do battery lights that you can put outdoor. AA batteries.

www.wilko.com/en-uk/wilko-christmas-50-battery-operated-led-timer-lights-multicoloured/p/0420588

They do them in 100's and 200's too.

There's lots of things I like about Christmas, including the lights, get togethers, food, drink, lazy days, time off work.

In fact, just about the only thing I don't like is the exchange of presents between adults that seems to serve no purpose at all, cause a great deal of stress and upset with a side order of wastefulness.

In fact, how about people just buy themselves a present. So instead of buying your DH some pyjamas that he doesn't need and will only wear so you don't moan at him, buy yourself that necklace you've always wanted and he can buy himself whatever igadget or obscure bike bit he's been wanting for ages and no-one has to trawl around looking for presents that they don't know will be appreciated, no-one has to pretend to like something they don't and they won't be endless threads on here about present disappointment because he spent too little, too much, bought the wrong thing, didn't read your mind to come up with the perfect present, didn't actually buy anything when you agreed not to but you were secretly hoping that he'd buy you something and you did for him, etc etc.

Spoilt brat ill be getting money for groceries!

I feel for you and all the previous posters here-once told my DH seven years ago I wanted s particular style winter coat showed him in a store an example and told him brand,color and size and where to purchase it and later that night he informed he had bought it for me already brings it out and it's the same damn pea coat that I already had just a different color-and not the puffy down coat I needed! Then he actually argued that he had purchased what I was requesting and I asked "Does the coat you bought look familiar to you?" "No!" I brought the one I had out and said "I was wearing this identical one with you all day today!" He said "If you want the other one go exchange it" I honestly should've made him go do that task but by then I sure as hell couldn't trust him. I honestly wondered if he needed Santa to bring him a guide dog!!

How old are you that it's a matter of what he gives you? Be happy. I read this column and the guy says you should be happy your man didn't wait until the last minute and buy you absolute garbage. He shopped for you well over a month before Christmas.

Read this- speakfreewithjb.com/lighten-up-lady-christmas-gifts

Count yourself lucky all I had for my 40th was a broken jewellery box in a box he looked like he kicked home! Can we swap

You think a motor racing experience is a good present, but I think that it’s just a dull and formulaic “present for him” as bloody perfume is “for her”!

I’d be more concerned that your dirty skank of a boyfriend thought the bed linen box a good place to hide presents a full month before Xmas. Doesn’t he change the sheets?